12. Chapter 12

Meng Zhi is often blindsided by Mei Changsu’s plots and scheming, but as he looks at a very...hairy...Nie Feng sitting next to Mei Changsu in the carriage carrying them into the city, he’s unable to form any words. None. At all. He’s completely at a loss.

Meng Zhi had come ahead over a week ago to secure Jinling and, not incidentally, put the Empress and Prince Yu’s entire household under house arrest. He’d personally liked to have thrown the lot of them in the dungeons but that was a decision for the emperor to make. A couple of days ago, he had received a letter in advance of the emperor’s trip back to the city telling him that the notorious “beast” had been found and was, for an unexplained reason, accompanying Meng Zhi’s husband upon his return. A separate secret missive delivered personally by Zhen Ping explained just who the beast was, but that was still not enough to assuage Meng Zhi’s concerns.

Now, he’s staring into the carriage, staring at Nie Feng, staring at Mei Changsu. He simply cannot stop staring.

“I’ve sent for Lin Chen,” Mei Changsu offers, as if that will help clarify what the hell happened to General Nie. Meng Zhi lets the curtain drop and decides to address this absurdity later. Much later. Preferably over many cups of baijiu. He will then make love to Xiao Su again and possibly drink even more baijiu and then pass out.

It’s been a long fucking month.

---

Eventually, as promised (threatened?), Lin Chen does show up two weeks later and explains exactly what the hell happened to General Nie.

What happened, fourteen years ago, to Lin Shu.

Meng Zhi walks away from the explanation at some point, dazed and horrified. He comes back to himself in his private rooms, sitting on the floor next to his bed like a puppet with its strings cut. He had known what happened to Lin Shu was terrible — it had to be, to change his appearance so drastically and to cause so much ongoing illness.

Meng Zhi is not clever, but he’s also not stupid: he has known for a while that Mei Changsu’s “minor illness” is long-standing and, likely, fatal. There was really no other reason to be so secretive about it. But he had not put together anything like the truth behind the poison of the bitter flame. He is sickened by the description of the elegant torture of being carved open and put back together just to have a face again — any face.

He worships and loathes Lin Chen in equal measures.

Mei Changsu finds him there, still, some time later. He stands in the middle of the room, hands in his sleeves, looking as regal and composed as he ever has as Mei Changsu. The impulsive and vibrant spirit of Lin Shu is gone, poisoned and then cut out of him. Meng Zhi would retch if he didn’t feel so numb.

“You would never have told me.” Meng Zhi states it as fact because he knows it is true.

“I would never have told you.” Mei Changsu at least offers him the kindness of honesty. Then he sighs. “There is no value in you knowing. It changes nothing.” He looks out the door at their private garden. “I have been yelling at Lin Chen for the last hour but he is, as always, unrepentant.”

“How long?”

Mei Changsu frowns. “How long was the operation?”

“No.” Meng Zhi pulls himself up off the ground. “How long do you have to live?”

Mei Changsu is startled by the question, but Meng Zhi can’t imagine why.

“Mei Changsu! You cannot believe that I am so ignorant as to not see what this means? Your life has been cut short. This so-called illness is not going away, and will kill you sooner rather than later.” He pauses, looking at his darling husband’s expression. “Ah. You lied to Nihuang, then. Hm. Do me the favor of not lying to me, husband.”

Mei Changsu steps back as if slapped. “I—how did you know?”

“Because I know that part of you still loves her — the boy you were loves the girl she used to be. It may rest as friendship between you, now, but you would still lie to her to protect her from grief. How long did you tell her you have to live?”

Mei Changsu works his jaw for a second before answering. “Ten years.”

“And the truth?”

He bows his head, stuffing his hands back into his sleeves. “Less than a year.”

Meng Zhi is hit with this answer as a tree falls in a storm: slowly, painfully, and catastrophically. He feels his knees giving way, he feels his heart stutter. For a brief moment as he collapses to the floor he hopes his heart stops entirely and spares him the pain of losing the second love of his life. He cannot face this agony again, not again. They have only just started their lives together as husbands, as lovers, as companions, and now he is faced with losing his heart all over again.

He feels weak arms around him as he kneels, a panicked voice calling his name. He turns and pulls Xiao Su into his arms, holds him tight, promising all the gods any price they name to spare him.

“There is no price, Ah-Zhi, I have asked it all before,” Xiao Su says, holding him tight, and they cry together until their robes are soaked with tears.

---

It is done.

It is done, and they survived.

The Chiyan case is being investigated, but everyone including the emperor knows what the findings will be. The emperor, in fact, has retreated to his private chambers where even Meng Zhi is not allowed entrance and stayed there. Meng Zhi would not be too surprised if the ruined old man remains in those limited rooms until he dies.

The only real surprise to him is that Eunuch Gao does not appear upset by any of this. He has, in fact, been seen more often counseling Prince Jing during court than he has been seen tending to the emperor.

Mei Changsu reminds him, gently, that Prince Qi had been a favorite of Eunuch Gao’s from birth.

Meanwhile, closer to home, and in fact in Meng Zhi’s home, Lin Chen has become a permanent fixture. Meng Zhi is of two minds about this, but in the end, having the physician close by to assist Mei Changsu is for the best. He’s less sanguine about the massive pigeon aviary that mysteriously appeared in the unfortunately-named Lizard Garden, but his younger sons delight in learning about the birds so he accepts it for the time being (he suspects that Lin Chen is bribing them, but he cannot prove it...yet).

For a month, their lives have the appearance of tranquility and normalcy. It is all a lie.

Mei Changsu’s health is swiftly declining and the nations surrounding Da Liang are rattling their swords. When Da Yu is the fourth to declare war in an attempt to take advantage of Da Liang’s assumed weakness, he is not surprised in the least.

Nor is he surprised when Lin Chen sails into his office at the palace to yell at him. How Lin Chen even got into the palace, he decides it best not to ask.

“You need to talk sense into him!” LIn Chen pronounces, standing at his desk and pointing at him.

Lieutenant Wang looks back and forth between them, one hand on the hilt of his sword. Meng Zhi shakes his head then waves him out.

“Talk sense into him? When has that ever worked?” He leans back in his chair, hands folded over his stomach.

“That is beside the point! Do you know his plans?”

“To take the bingxu pill and lead an army against Da Yu?”

“You know?” Lin Chen appears genuinely surprised.

“Of course I know. He’s my husband. He’s been talking to me about this for days now.” Days of arguing, days of reminding Mei Changsu of his promise, days of Lin Shu begging to be allowed to die the way he wants. Days of demands that are at cross purposes. Days and days of yelling and tears and, on Meng Zhi’s side, drinking heavily. But in the end, there is this true fact: Mei Changsu is dying, and will be dead within the year. No promise Meng Zhi can wrench out of him will save him. Nothing will change how this ends: Meng Zhi, widowed again, and alone. He will have his sons this time to comfort him, but Mei Changsu will not live long enough for them to find the daughters Yin Yin had promised.

There is so much that Mei Changsu will miss out on, and there is nothing Meng Zhi can do to save him.

It took days for Meng Zhi to accept that all their promises will be broken. He understands how Lin Chen feels right now, but he has no words of comfort.

Lin Chen stops his dramatic pacing and stares at him intently for a long, stressful moment. “You are not opposed!”

“I am completely opposed to the idea with all of my heart. But! I also know Mei Changsu. He is going to do this thing no matter what anyone says to him. Do you think I haven’t tried?” He sighs, and shakes his head. “My guess is that he’s asked you to plead his case with Prince Jing.”

Lin Chen nods.

“Then do so.”

“How can you—”

“I love him. With every ounce of my heart and soul, I love him, but I am losing him one way or another. You, yourself, have given him a year at most to live. At most. Let me tell you this one thing that, I think, I know better than you: it will not hurt less no matter when or where it happens. It will not hurt less tomorrow, or next year. It will not hurt less if it happens here, or in Langzhou, or on the border of Da Yu. When Mei Changsu dies, it will not hurt less if it is quietly on his deathbed or in the middle of a battlefield.”

Lin Chen is trembling, his eyes glassy with tears, but he does not move or speak.

Meng Zhi gets up and walks around his desk to put his hands on Lin Chen’s shoulders. “It will not hurt less, my friend, no matter how much we beg or argue. So, we must be strong for him, and give him the chance to die in the way he desires most: as Lin Shu, and as a warrior. This cannot be about what we want. Xiao Su desires this ending more than he wants to live, even, and he will not live long anyway.”

Lin Chen pulls himself out of Meng Zhi’s hold and walks to the doorway, then stops. “I promised I would be with him until the end,” he says, staring out into the courtyard beyond.

“I promised him the same. Which is why I have turned in a request of leave as commander of the Imperial Guards, and asked to be assigned as a general for the army heading to Da Yu.” He taps the table. He has no doubt Crown Prince Jing will grant him this, if only for Lin Shu’s sake, but he has not told Mei Changsu about it yet. Another fight to look forward to.

Lin Chen is still for a long moment. He nods slowly. “Then I suppose I have no choice but to go and enlist, myself.”

Meng Zhi smiles at Lin Chen’s back, despite himself. “Oh?

Lin Chen huffs as he unnecessarily straightens his robes. “Someone will have to look after you fools.”

Meng Zhi thinks, this is how we will both keep our promises to Mei Changsu.