7. Reunion

That night, Danny sat on the couch thinking of what to do next. Nicholas was waiting for him in bed, probably awake, knowing Nicholas. The man was a broken wreck, at least as far as his personal life was concerned, and Danny understood that his job was to fix all of this and get Nicholas in line. He knew that making Nicholas behave would be easy once he understood the rules, because Danny now knew that is what made Nicholas such an awesome police officer: structure, rules, and regulations. He could shine in that kind of environment, and it was Danny's mistake and inexperience from the beginning that he did not realize that the same applied to Nicholas personal life. Nicholas needed those rules and structure, but was incapable of creating it for himself, and now Danny understood that his task was to do it for them.

He had no idea how.

His brief encounters with Andy gave him a clue, and of course Danny knew what he wanted out of the relationship, but still, he was not sure how he was supposed to bully Nicholas. There was a certain part of the whole situation that felt wrong, because he honestly had a hard time imagining bossing his boss around, especially when that boss was Danny's own super-cop, Nicholas Angel.

He was glad he did not tell Nicholas how long he would have to wait for him, because right now, Danny did not know even that much himself.

---

Nicholas laid in Danny's bed, naked, horny, and stone-cold awake. He heard Danny in the front room, watching a movie, and to a certain point was glad that Danny was not jumping up to join him. He wanted Danny, of course, so badly that it hurt to breathe. He was just very uncertain about the new flavor of their relationship, and whatever happened he did not want to disappoint Danny in it.

He forced himself to go into an analytical mode, to figure out what he wanted and what he needed to do. As usual, it was complete system failure. What he wanted was to get fucked, right now, hard, by Danny. What he needed to do was be patient, and figure out what Danny wanted, and live up to that expectation. It was the same game he always found himself in when it came to relationships, and part of him knew that he was simply going to screw it all up again.

He was in no hurry for that.

---

Danny realized by the time the movie was over that he was acting just like Nicholas: thinking too much. That never helped anything, in Danny's experience (except maybe those bloody math tests in school), so he flipped off the telly and decided that whatever else happened, he was not going to let Nicholas out of the flat. It was good place to start.

He walked into the bedroom and turned on the floor lamp. Nicholas was awake, naturally, and sat up when he came in. Danny looked at him and then perched on the edge of the bed to take off his shoes and start getting undressed. He saw Nicholas twitch when the threw the shoes in the corner haphazardly. Nicholas was always straightening up after him.

"Why don't you go fix that, eh? I know it bothers you." Danny pointed at his shoes. Nicholas looked started, then pleased, and leapt out of bed to set the shoes up properly, right side up, left to left and right to right, tucked neatly in the corner of the room. Danny grinned as Nicholas stood up and looked at him. "'Ere, you want to help me get undressed, then?"

Nicholas did by taking the clothes and folding them up carefully before putting them in the laundry hamper. They were down to Danny's boxers when Danny stopped them.

"That's good. I'm comfy. Let's go to bed. Turn out the light, okay?" It was a silly thing to say, because Nicholas was always the one who turned out the light anyway, but Danny was testing the waters, trying not to sound like a prick about it. Making it into a question just seemed more respectful, somehow.

They crawled into bed and Danny rolled onto his side, to feel Nicholas shaking next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Just nervous, Danny."

"Why?"

Nicholas laughed into the darkness. "Because I've screwed up everything before? I don't understand what is going on? I…I don't know." His voice faded.

"Yeah, but I won't let you screw it up anymore. Okay?"

Nicholas rolled onto his side, facing Danny. "I don't think…"

"That's just it, Nicholas. You spend to much time thinkin', you always do. And you just end up in circles, yeah? Like you want to be here but you're scared of screwing up because you think you need to figure it all out beforehand to keep it right, but you know you can't, so you think you'll just screw up anyway."

Nicholas was utterly silent and still.

"So please just stop thinkin'. Let me handle this, okay? I don't know what I'm doing, but I seem to do it right most of the time…and Nicholas?"

"Yes, Danny?" Nicholas sounded breathless and scared.

"Um, even if I don't get it right all the time, you aren't allowed to leave ever again. Ever. You got that?"

"Yes, I do."

"Now com'eer. We're not doin' anything tonight. Just lying here together. Can you handle that?"

There was a long pause before Nicholas answered. "I think so….but I want more than that, Danny, I really want more than that."

"So do I, love. But this feels right tonight." Danny rolled him over so he was facing away from him and then curled himself around Nicholas, spooning him into his body. What he remembered of Andy was that Andy just wanted to feel protected and taken care of, and that is what Danny wanted to do with Nicholas, and it was what he hoped that Nicholas needed from him. If it really was what Nicholas wanted as well, then he would stay right were he was.

When the alarm when off in the morning, they woke up in exactly the same position as they went asleep. Danny leaned over to check on Nicholas, and found that he was crying, and smiling, and he told Danny how much he loved him and always had.

---

The following night Danny took them to Nicholas' cottage. At work, nothing changed about what was always true: Nicholas was Inspector Angel and everyone in the department, including Danny, jumped to his tune. Nicholas, in fact, seemed even more assertive and certain of himself than he had been for a very long time. Unfortunately meant that he was back to analyzing people's reports and time sheets and uniforms and generally being an insufferable pain in the ass, which Andrew took the time to point out to him. Nicholas responded by pulling out three month's worth of Andrew's filed reports and closed cases and picking them apart with a fine tooth comb, which in turn sent waste bins sailing all over the place. Even Doris got nailed and Evan Turner tossed the place in a frantic search for the med kit, when Doris was walking around perfectly fine.

Danny watched Nicholas carefully, trying not to think too much about it, just watching and absorbing. His main insight that day was that Nicholas in his uniform and jacket and gloves and aviators was probably the sexiest man on the planet. All in all, a good day's thinking, as far as Danny was concerned. It certainly spelled out his plans for the night, which would not include a movie.

When they stepped into Nicholas' cottage it felt eerie, almost unlived in. The kitchen pantry was half empty. Danny inspected this as Nicholas stood behind him.

"Wot?"

"Um… I thought I'd just hang up your jacket…but…"

"Yeah. Here." Danny unzipped and Nicholas helped him out of it and went to hang it up in the hall. Danny tried not to laugh, because it was actually something Nicholas always did for him, but now Danny knew why, and that made all the difference.

When Nicholas came back Danny pointed at the cabinets. "You ain't been living here, Nicholas."

"Technically?"

Danny rolled his eyes. "I'm getting the truth out of you, Nicholas. I mean it." Danny pointed a finger at him, trying to sound stern, which he thought made him sound like his father, and that just plain felt weird. He was instantly distracted when he saw Nicholas shift and realized that the man was fighting a hard-on. They stood staring at each other.

Before, Danny would have made to go down on him, to give Nicholas what he thought he wanted. Now, though, the rules had changed, but for Nicholas to give him a blow job did not feel right. Danny stalled, uncertain of what he needed to do, and then made himself stop thinking about it again and just do something.

"Nicholas, tell me where you been." Danny stepped towards him, still pointing accusingly, and he saw Nicholas flush dark red, then look away.

"At the Andes' flat." He was talking to the floor.

"Every night?"

"No."

"Most nights?"

"Yes."

Danny stepped up closer. "What you do there?"

"You know what I did there, Danny…"

"Not really. Not like, you know, know. I'd like to know, Nicholas." Danny found that his voice was getting heavy and dark, and he saw that Nicholas was losing his fight with his erection. "Tell me."

"I had sex with them."

"I know that much."

"Then what do want to know, Danny?" Nicholas voice was soft and ashamed, which was not where Danny wanted things to go. He stepped forward and drew Nicholas into his arms.

"Come on, Nick. I ain't here to punish you. I love you. I want to know because…well, I guess because I don't want any secrets between us, yeah?"

"You have any secrets, Danny?" Nicholas wrapped his arms around Danny and pressed his face into his chest.

Danny knew that he did, but it was not his place to share it, so he stalled for a moment before deciding on honesty. "Yeah, I do. A big one. Just one, though, and I can't tell you that, because I made a promise…and because other people might get hurt if I do."

Nicholas looked up at him, confused and worried. "You?"

"What? No, I don't think I'd be one of the people hurt." Actually, he thought he would be the first person killed if Andrew ever found out about what Danny did with Andy, but there was no need to scare Nicholas with that. "Look, Nicholas, we weren't together, yeah? And so…well, maybe I did something with someone I probably shouldn't have. You know, like, someone who was…er, married. So…"

Nicholas nodded. "I can accept that. You are at least telling me that you…well, I understand." He lowered his head back down and Danny tried not to sigh heavily in relief.

"So?"

"It was all over the place, Danny. Uncontrolled. I started just with Andy, for a long time. Then Andy and Andrew started together and I was just…there. It seemed natural for all three of us to…be together, sometimes."

"And Andrew? I don' get that at all." Danny laughed and he felt Nicholas relax against him.

"I don't think I do either. But I needed him. He was, is, strong. I needed someone I did not have to worry about and I…I guess I was punishing myself."

Danny understood. "You was looking for what I never gave you."

Nicholas bounced backwards, out his arms, embarrassed. "What?"

"I don't mean the sex, Nicholas. I mean, you were always thinkin' you had to be in charge of everything, yeah? Including us, but what you really needed was a safe place to just be yourself, and not worry or think so much. I didn't see that for a long time. I'm sorry, Nicholas, for not helping you out sooner. I…wasn't a very good partner, there." Danny shrugged, genuinely disappointed in himself, and so he was utterly and completely unprepared when Nicholas dropped to his knees, his face in his hands, shaking. Danny stood staring at him for split second before marshalling himself to react.

He got down on the floor and pulled Nicholas into him, bear hugging him, saying something nice and comforting although he was not sure what, as Nicholas collapsed. It was a long time before Nicholas calmed down and by that point Danny had scooted them backwards so he was resting against the wall, and the front of his shirt was damp from Nicholas' tears.

"Nicholas, I'll always take care of you." Danny finally said, trying to draw Nicholas out into coherent thought.

Nicholas reared up and grabbed Danny's shirt with both hands, kissing him so hard that Danny wondered if lips could bruise just from kissing. It was not a deep kiss, but passionate, and Nicholas broke off by sucking on Danny's lower lip, which he knew from experience turned Danny on.

"Then take care of me now, Danny."

Nicholas was begging, angry and upset and begging, and for the first time Danny really understood the utter high of being a top. He pushed Nicholas backwards onto his ass and nearly tore Nicholas' pants off of him, revealing a ready and very hard erection. He threw Nicholas legs apart and scooted in between them.

"Undo me." Danny pointed at his pants and Nicholas leapt forward to unbuckle, unbutton, and unzip. Danny groaned with pleasure, running his hands over Nicholas' shoulders, when his own erection was freed and Nicholas pulled down his pants to rest on his knees. Nicholas went to stroke him but Danny pushed him back. "No. And I ain't getting' you off either. You know what? I'm angry, Nicholas. Angry about everything. We been here before, when I was angry, and you know what's going to happen. I may not be Andrew but damnit I can handle you."

Nicholas just stared at him, wide eyed, surprised yet eager, but at this point Danny was actually mad. Mad at what they had been through, mad at Nicholas for being a twat, mad at himself for being so stupid, and mad at Liz for being a hard-headed jealous cunt and leaving him alone to deal with Nicholas. He grabbed Nicholas legs just above the knees and pulled him up as he squatted down. He was not about to hurt Nicholas, much, so he practically filled his hand with spit to lube himself down.

He spread Nicholas with one hand as he pushed just the tip of his hard-on into his anus. Nicholas cried out but it was not in pain; it was obvious to Danny that he was acclimated to this sport, now, but that only made Danny even more angry at the thought that Nicholas was giving out to everyone what really belonged to him. Nicholas was propping himself up on his elbows but his eyes were closed. Danny shoved another inch into him, hard, making his eyes fly open.

"Keep 'em open, Nick. You're going to fuckin' watch this." Danny reached forward to grab his hips and at Nicholas' shocked expression, pulled, sheathing himself completely with one hard, fierce thrust. Nicholas nearly bent double, pushing up on his hands, speechless and out of breath. "Yeah, don't say anythin'…don' think…just watch, Nicky. Just watch me fuck you." Danny was impressed with himself for what he was coming up with to say, and it was certainly doing something for Nicholas, whose hard on was back on in force after dropping when Danny first entered him.

Danny was not in the mood for romance, though, and just started fucking. He plowed into Nicholas with everything he had until he felt Nicholas' legs shaking and they were both covered in oily sweat. Nicholas finally did close his eyes as he fell backwards, unable to hold himself up any more using his arms, and his hands reached out to grab Danny's, right above his wrists. Then Danny heard something he never expected, or even imagined, and it was terrible.

"God yes, Danny, I'm so sorry…fuck me please, I need you…I'm so sorry…hurt me, for gods sake, make me pay…"

Danny tried not to stop in shock, although that's what he felt like doing. If this was where Nicholas was, mentally, all these months, then no wonder the man was a wreck. Danny was not sure if what they were doing counted as 'making him pay' but it was as far as Danny was going to go, so he kept at it. He felt his orgasm creeping up his spine and he wanted it to be hard and explosive – he needed that too – and so right before he came he grabbed Nicholas around the waist with his hands and with his strength alone pulled him up as he sat back on his heels and slammed Nicholas whole body down on his cock. It was effective and he came harder than he remembered doing in a very long time, crying out Nicholas' name and a lot else, his hips thrusting automatically and out of control as he spent himself inside of Nicholas.

He fell back all the way to leaning against the wall, and Nicholas fell forward onto his chest, gasping. Danny pulled out and adjusted Nicholas so that they were sitting together, wrapped up in each other's arms. Nicholas was not crying anymore.

---

Later that night as they got ready for bed, Danny told Nicholas to sit down on the bed, and then sat down facing him.

"What you said earlier, 'bout making you pay."

Nicholas looked down, blushing and ashamed.

"I don't like that."

Nicholas did not answer, but was obviously trying to collect his thoughts, so Danny waited. "It…it is just how I feel about it."

"Then we ain't doin' it again."

Nicholas head snapped up. "What?"

"You heard me. Now go to bed." Danny got up, angry. It was not the answer he wanted to hear and it was not the decisions he wanted to make, but it was what felt right. He was not going to allow Nicholas to turn their love making into some kind of punishment. The two did not go together.

"Danny…" Nicholas sounded crushed.

"Go to bed, Nicholas. I'm going to watch a movie. You. Stay. Here." Danny walked out and turned off the light, leaving Nicholas in the dark.

Over an hour later, Nicholas walked out. He was in his sweats and he was completely awake. Danny frowned at him, but he stood in the middle of the living room, looking around, looking lost. Finally Danny grabbed a back cushion off the couch and put it between his feet.

"You gonna stay up then you gotta sit here." He pointed at the cushion. Nicholas glared at it for only a second before walking over and collapsing on the floor between Danny's knees. It was where Andy sat once, only once, and it was then, with Andy, that Danny began to understand how he needed to deal with Nicholas, and how he wanted Nicholas too. Now that Nicholas was there, resting against him, Danny felt complete. He reached out and petted his head, running his fingers over Nicholas' short crop of hair and down his neck.

When the movie was over, and for the life of him Danny could barely remember what he was watching, Nicholas looked up. "I need it, Danny. And if you can't, or won't, then things are not going to work."

"Need what, Nicholas? To be punished? Or my love for you?"

Nicholas nodded. "Yes."

Danny snorted and looked at the ceiling. "I love you, Nick. I'm not going to feel right if every time I make love to you, you think it's some kind of punishment. That don't even sound right to say."

Nicholas pressed his forehead into Danny's leg, and Danny saw a bit down his tee shirt, where the bruises of Andrew's belt whipping were fading. Danny ran his hand over Nicholas' back.

"I saw what Andrew did to you and it made me so mad that he hurt you, I almost got in a fight with 'im. How could I do the same thing to you? It doesn't feel right to hurt you. And I don't want you to enjoy me hurting you. None of that is right."

Nicholas looked up and rested his chin on Danny's knee, gazing off to the side.

"That's what Andrew was for...he…enjoys hurting you!" Danny thought it as he said it, and he was horrified.

Nicholas shook his head. "No. He enjoyed not worrying about hurting me, no matter what I asked for."

Danny sat back, stunned. It was not at all what he thought, but now it made perfect sense. Nicholas needed structure, and rules, and a guiding hand in all the personal stuff, but just as much, he needed someone he could trust who also trusted him. An equal.

And that equal was not Danny.

He got up and walked straight into the kitchen, and leaned against the counter, closing his eyes. He could not be that to Nicholas, and he did not know what to do.

He heard Nicholas walk up behind him, and leaned against the counter, next to him.

"I'm sorry, Nicholas. I'll never want to hurt you. It will never feel right."

"That's because we're partners."

Danny looked up, and he saw Nicholas totally put together, in control, and thinking very carefully about what he was going to say. Danny just watched, because sometimes, Nicholas was a beautiful thing to watch.

"Partners care for each other, Danny, and don't hurt each other. I understand that, and honestly I don't really want to get hurt by you. But I've learned that I can't get to that point, that total emotional release, without being beaten into it. Don't think I'm proud to say that. I'm not."

Danny flinched to hear it put so clinically.

"I won't beg for it, if that is what upsets you. You told me that our love making cannot be about punishment, and it won't. I promise. But sometimes, Danny…I will ask."

Danny shook his head.

"Danny, I'll say this once, and I will never say it again. But if you cannot do it when I ask, when I need it, I will go to Andrew. He will do it, and then he will fuck me, because that's his price. And I will love him for it."

Nicholas shoved off the counter and went to bed.

Danny stood in the kitchen for a long time, trying not to cry, trying not to think, just trying to understand, but he could not. When he finally made it to the bed room, in some kind of composure, he found the light on and Nicholas awake, laying in bed, watching him. He sat down to take off his socks and Nicholas rolled over to him, and helped him get undressed. Then Nicholas went and sat back down on his side of the bed.

Danny knew he was thinking too much, but for the first time, he was scared to stop thinking. He began to understand what frightened Nicholas so much about it: losing control was not a comfortable place to go to, voluntarily. He closed his eyes and tried to shut down, to just breathe and know whatever it was he was supposed to know. The image popped into his head of Andrew and Nicholas together; he paired that with remembering Nicholas on Andy, so long ago, or Nicholas with Liz before that. Never at any point was Danny jealous of that. He simply could not be, because he always knew at those times that Nicholas was his. He was only ever jealous that Nicholas was doing those things, going off with other people…without Danny, and without Danny's blessing, and for trying to live a part of his life without Danny at all.

It was the thought that put it all together for Danny. At work, there were rules, and Nicholas was the guardian of those rules, and he was the boss, and what he said, Danny would do. Anything, even if it meant busting the rule book all to hell, because the only rules that mattered were Nicholas'. It did not matter who else could or might give Danny orders, or what else Danny had to do on his job: Nicholas was his boss, and his partner, and Danny would follow him into hell if necessary. But at home, between them, it was really the reverse, and that meant that exactly the same to Nicholas, here, as it did to Danny at work. So it did not matter who else Nicholas did or what he did with them, because here they were partners but they were not equals. Yes, sometimes Nicholas needed an equal, but he always, always needed Danny. Finally Danny understood that he did not have to be everything to Nicholas, he just had to be himself.

Danny got up and marched around the bed, threw the sheets off of Nicholas, grabbed one arm and dragged him off. Nicholas stumbled to the floor and tried to stand up but Danny shoved him down and Nicholas ended up on his knees. Then Danny stepped back and crossed his arms. They were both naked and it did feel a bit silly but he had to say this to Nicholas in a way that Nicholas would never, ever forget.

"You will never, ever do anything like that unless I let you. You have to ask, and I have to say yes. If you don't ask, or if I say no, then you can't do it. I don't care how much you think you need it, you can't. That is the new rule. MY rule. And you can't ever break it."

"Danny, if I need…"

Danny sucked in a breath, stealing himself, then backhanded Nicholas into the nightstand. He tried not to follow him down, to coddle him or ask if he was hurt. Danny knew he was hurt, because he had not held back much, just enough to know that he did not break his jaw. People laughed at him sometimes, and he knew he was not graceful, but Danny was completely aware of how strong he was and what he could do.

Nicholas rolled onto his ass, holding his face in shock, staring at Danny.

"I love you. Don't make me do that again." Danny said it, crossing his arms, and trying not to cry. He hated this.

Nicholas nodded.

"Good. Because I don't ever want to do that again. That's not me, Nicholas. I can keep us together, I can set our rules, but I won't go around hurtin' you, even if you beg. If you need that and you need Andrew, I can accept that, but you have to ask, and I have to say yes. It's about trust now, yeah? If you cannot agree to my new rule, then I can't trust you, and we're back where we were before."

Nicholas look astounded by the logic of that, and simply nodded again.

"Er, we can go to bed now." Danny said awkwardly and went back around to his side of the bed. As he got under the sheets, he looked up at Nicholas, who was standing by the bed, rubbing his face. "You okay, then?"

"Yes, Danny. Just hurting."

Danny fiddled with the sheets. "Sorry. I just had to make you understand."

"You did."

"You goin' to be alright? Did I break anythin'?" Danny looked carefully at his face as if he could see a broken tooth through Nicholas' hand.

Nicholas actually smiled. "No, you didn't. I think you fixed something." Nicholas crawled over the sheets and wrapped his arms around Danny, kissing him, softly and gently and lovingly, as he straddled his lap. Danny finally felt his stomach unknot and wrapped his arms around Nicholas waist. They kissed for a very long time, long after they were turned on and horny and hard, keeping at each other's mouths in loving passion.

"Nicholas?"

"Yes?" Nicholas pulled back and looked down at him. They were both flushed and breathing heavily, and broken out into a light sweat.

"I really missed you."

Nicholas rested his head on Danny's shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm such a twat."

Danny laughed and hugged him. Then he ran a hand around and up Nicholas' chest, and down between his legs, lightly holding his erection. Nicholas gasped and reared up a little. "Eh, I want to get you off," Danny said simply as he kissed Nicholas' chest.

"But…?"

"I want to make you happy."

"You do. Always."

"Yeah, but…ummm…" Danny kept kissing his chest. "I don't think I know what makes you happy anymore." Danny rested his head against Nicholas, looking off, wondering what he should do, even as he kept lightly stroking Nicholas' erection.

Nicholas sighed, and for once, Danny was glad that he was thinking, because he needed Nicholas to think about this.

"Let's try it again. No punishment. No anger. Just us."

Danny gently pushed Nicholas backwards and once again pushed his legs apart as he settled himself between them, and once again, Nicholas was propped up on his elbows, but this time Danny leaned forward and Nicholas reached up and they kissed as Danny entered him, never letting go of Nicholas' cock, stroking and then pumping him as his own thrusts picked up speed and power. Nicholas lost his breath at the start of the breach and never really got it back, panting and gasping and slamming himself against Danny's cock and into Danny's hand until he came, crying out Danny's name in pleasured abandonment. That was enough for Danny, who knew love making when he was in it, and he powered into Nicholas, close to tears himself, finally getting what he always wanted and what he somehow knew was always his.

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