No additional warnings for this scene.
Earlier that year Danny walked out of Nicholas' office, calling him an unimaginably horrible name. Even including the time before Liz when Nicholas was stupid enough to try and break up with him, Danny never felt worse than he did then, and since. He beat himself up for being stupid, for not seeing what was going on in front of his eyes, and for not understanding the people around him at all. Nicholas was obviously not in love with Andy and that knowledge blinded Danny to the fact that for Nicholas, it was not about love. Even after everything Nicholas had done, Danny waited for him to come home, so they could mend fences again and eventually figure out how to get Liz back; but Nicholas walked away into some bizarre world that Danny did not think he understood.
Danny understood sex, of course. He was part of the team that pulled down Andy and fucked him in the locker room so long ago. That was him and Nicholas and they both enjoyed it…too much. Lying to Liz about it was only marginally worse than cheating on her in the first place. He only really got that, though, when he was in the same situation as her, with Nicholas running off to play with Andy without telling him.
No, he understood the sex. What he did not understand right now was Nicholas Angel. One of the greatest turn-ons for Danny was Nicholas' ability to handle things, keep everything and everyone in order, and stay in control no matter what happened. None of that was happening now because Nicholas was not in control and as Danny thought about it, really thought about it, he began to realize that maybe the only thing Nicholas ever had a firm grasp on was his job. Their relationship was Danny's doing, in a lot of ways, because Nicholas never felt attracted to a man before and fought himself all the way down to their first kiss. Their relationship with Liz was Danny's doing as well, and in fact he put that together after Nicholas nearly wrecked everything with her by going too fast. Danny chose the movies they watched and decided whether they were going to the pub or staying in and for all the bossing around in the garden that Nicholas liked to do, he always dropped everything when Danny told him it was time for other distractions.
To a certain degree, this new insight made sense of everything. Nicholas was not used to dealing with his passions and he did not know how to do anything other than repress them. Perhaps this whole mess started the day Danny first made a move on Nicholas: he opened the Pandora's Box that was Nicholas' soul and let the monster out. Now Nicholas was being driven by emotions and reactions he had not experienced since grade school, and it worked well enough when Danny was there to keep everything in balance, but now Nicholas was alone and, Danny figured, completely mental.
Danny knew enough to understand that there was no way to put the monster back in the box, and he knew that to kill it – which translated, for Danny, into destroying everything including their love – was to dismantle Nicholas in a terrible, primal way. There was no going back, but for the life of him, Danny did not know how to move forward.
Because to Danny, no matter how hurt he was or how angry he felt, there was never a question of whether Nicholas belonged to him or not; it was just a matter of figuring out how to get him home again in one piece.
"Lookit here, Butterbomb, I'm not asking you to blow me."
"Oh fuck off, Andrew!" Danny pulled out of Andrew's grasp and marched down the hall, annoyed at himself for losing his temper so easily.
"I just need your help a bit, some paperwork – you type faster than I do…" Andrew sauntered after him.
"I ain't your friend and I ain't 'elpin' you!" Danny stopped and pointed at Andrew.
"We always been friends, Danny. Friends help each other out, right? What about that noodle incident…"
"I was five years old, Andrew! It doesn't count anymore!" Danny threw his hands up in the air.
Andrew stepped up menacingly. "I think it does; I think it will always count, sergeant. So you better help me or…"
"Or what? You'll go to Nicholas and tell him I won't be your errand boy? Isn't that your job?" Danny prattered on until he realized what he just said, and slapped a hand over his mouth. Andrew always lost his cool when accused of being a bender, and although Danny knew full well that Andrew and Andy were 'on' it was not something he was supposed to know and was sure that Andrew would not be happy about his knowing. Danny was, in fact, a little frightened of the older man.
Andrew stepped up and hooked a finger under Danny's tie, his face centimeters from Danny's, and stared him down. "I don't think your pretty Angel been telling you that, Danny. In fact I know he ain't, because if he did, he'd tell you how often I fuck him up the ass." He pushed Danny into the wall and walked off.
Danny sat at his desk, stunned. He could have taken it for a joke, but it was not a joke; he saw that in Andrew's eyes. Danny stewed on the idea that Nicholas was not spending his nights with Andy, he was spending them with Andrew. Or…both?
The thought flung him backwards in his chair and Tony looked at him, annoyed. That Nicholas would do two…well, Danny knew he did. Nicholas was once part of him and Liz, and they were as much a 'couple' as three people could be. And he remembered that Nicholas' deft handling of the situation with him and Andy was so competent and energetic that it was downright pornographic. That part Danny liked. He also accepted a while ago that Nicholas and Andrew were somehow 'sharing' Andy. But…the Andes? Sharing Nicholas? Danny grimaced as the image of Andrew on top of Nicholas flooded his mind, and he nearly shook with jealousy thinking about Nicholas letting Andrew – Andrew! – do to him what Danny was never allowed to do.
Danny stood up too fast and knocked his chair over. Tony frowned at him and Doris looked confused but Danny just glared at the chair, kicked it so hard it sailed right across the office (narrowly missing Saxon), then left.
Two weeks earlier, Nicholas called out Danny's name when he came. Repeatedly. While he cried. He learned there was no worse feeling in the world than for the person who is fucking you to stop dead, pull out, turn you over and start treating you like an baby. Objectively, Nicholas knew that his emotions snapped like over-tensioned cords, and that Andrew did the right thing, and that he would have done exactly the same thing in Andrew's place. Emotionally, though, Nicholas was humiliated and embarrassed and angry.
He called it off after that, at least as far as allowing Andrew to fuck him. Everything else was fair game, and it was almost as if they were back to the time before Andrew and Nicholas became active lovers; it was a safe zone, and comfortable, and the Andes did not pester him about it.
For two weeks.
"You talked to Butterman?" Andrew leaned against the fridge that evening as Andy dutifully cleared away the dinner dishes. Nicholas was sitting at the table, essentially waiting for a blow job, but trying to act casual. He glared at Andrew.
"No."
"You should."
"Are you branching out into marriage counseling?" Nicholas asked, and Andy sniggered. Andrew swatted him as he walked by.
"He knows."
Nicholas froze. "What do you mean?"
"He thought it was just you and Andy. I had to set 'im right today."
Nicholas rose up out of the chair and Andy backed himself against the sink.
"What the hell did you do, Andrew?"
Andrew grinned cruelly. "I'll tell you if you bend over."
Nicholas tried to control his breathing. "Interesting request from the straight man."
Andrew glared at him for just a second, then smiled again. "Just remember who started things between us, Angel. So who's the bender there?"
Nicholas saw red but kept focusing on his breathing.
Andrew bucked his hips a bit, as if getting comfortable, and rolled his eyes over to a very nervous Andy. "Go to your room."
Andy flew out of the kitchen and disappeared.
Andrew raised his hand and gave Angel a small 'come here' motion with his fingers. Nicholas did not move. Andrew shrugged, stood up, and walked over to Nicholas. He stopped when they were pressed together, and he slouched a bit so they were face to face, chins nearly touching and most of their bodies flush. Nicholas just tried to keep breathing in a steady, controlled manner.
"I don't care what you do, Nick. Who you fuck. But make up your mind. Stay here tonight and I'm taking a piece of your ass." Andrew tilted his head, placed one of his gentle, warm kisses on Nicholas jaw and then left to join Andy in the bedroom.
Nicholas waited until the count of ten, then sank to his knees, cradling his head. It was not much of choice and there was no way that bastard did not know it. Danny would not take him back if offered all the money of the Queen, and the only place Nicholas could go was his own cottage, alone. He did that enough as it was and it was not a place he wanted to be by himself, without Danny, when he could just stay here.
An hour later Nicholas peeled himself off the floor, got undressed, and went to the Andes.
The department was split down the middle whenever they went to the pub. At one table was Nicholas, the Andes, and the Turners. At a table far enough away not to hear much of them was Danny, Doris, Tony and Walker. Danny always positioned himself to watch Nicholas, although he tried to do so unobtrusively but he knew that Andy, at least, knew.
Tonight Nicholas was in a bad, very bad mood. Danny could see it, and he was surprised that the Andes did not. Then he realized that Andy knew it too; his mannerism and body language did not match the smirks that crossed his face or his laughter. In between, when he drank his lager, Andy's eyes darted back and forth between Andrew and Nicholas, worried.
Something was going on. Or, knowing Nicholas, going wrong. Danny kept watching, even when Doris poked him in the ribs when he did not laugh at her ribald jokes. Finally Danny saw what he knew was coming. Nicholas leaned back angrily in his chair and crossed his arms, and the Turners both raised their hands in disassociation as they got up and left. Now Danny was staring, and he knew it, but he could not take his eyes off of that table.
Andrew smirked, looking at Nicholas, as Andy pushed back a little from the table, trying not to look conspicuous. Andrew leaned over to whisper something to Nicholas, then shot a look straight at Danny that was nothing short of vicious glee. Danny blinked, confused at being in the spotlight on this, but everyone was instantly distracted when Nicholas slammed his hands onto the table and stood up, walking straight into Andrew's chair, pushing it backwards. Off balance for a second, Andrew rallied and jumped up, grabbing Nicholas' shirt, and they froze, staring each other down furiously.
It was only then that Danny realized that despite size and temperament and backgrounds, the two of them were very evenly matched, and that they both knew it too. Neither moved, clearly not wanting to break the pub apart, and eventually Nicholas shoved himself out of Andrew's grip and stormed off. Danny turned to watch him – everyone was watching at this point anyway – and in that moment Nicholas cast his eyes at Danny. It was the briefest of looks, but Danny read it instantly: Nicholas was not mad, he was ashamed.
Danny looked back to Andrew, who was smiling at Andy. His expression was mean and self-satisfied and when he swung his head around to return Danny's gaze, he winked.
"Get over here."
"So you can break me up in your own place? Fuck off, Nick. I don't care what 'appened at the pub, I'm not in the mood to fight. Okayyyy?"
Nicholas stood in his kitchen, aggravated, ashamed, and desperate. On the other end of the phone Andrew sounded bored and annoyed.
"No."
"Then get your ass over here, Inspector."
"No."
"Christ, Nick, what do you want?"
Nicholas breathed deeply. "What I want, we can't do around Andy."
There was a very long pause before Andrew answered. "I'm goin' to regret this, am I?"
"Yes, most probably." Nicholas rested his head against the wall.
"Be right over."
It was makeshift and it was awkward, but by the time they were done, Nicholas was sunk into a place he dreamed of, an oblivion so deep that coherent thought was impossible, where shame and fear dissipated in the heat of sensation and reaction. He took Andy there once, and in his youth, in college, he had been there before himself. It was not something that a responsible Met police officer was supposed to do, though, and he never thought about it for himself until that night when he walked into his cottage, suffering the memory of Danny's expression in the pub earlier: shock, anger and worse, disappointment.
Andrew was clearly not used to it. He tied Nicholas to the foot board of the bed efficiently enough – farmer's boys and their knots – but he stalled on ideas until Nicholas pointed out his belt hanging off a chair. He knew Safi used a belt on Andy and he was unsure if Andrew would do it, and he did pause for a while with it in his hands before folding it over and starting. Nicholas gave him a run down beforehand, before his clothes came off or the ties were used on his hands, on the general process. Start slow, and soft, on the insulated body parts. Beware the kidneys. Work up, work harder, until someone got turned on. Stop at the safe word but not before. Then do whatever the hell he wanted.
Andrew was strong and as he got further into it and realized just how much Nicholas could take, went off. Nicholas never safe-worded and he nearly blacked out and he got the impression, when he could bring thoughts up in his mind, that Andrew was using this as his own release as much as Nicholas was.
As Nicholas floated in a realm of endorphin-fueled dreams, he felt Andrew inside him, pushing into him, and he felt the charge of sex running up his spine. He thought he whined and cried out and cried; Andrew fucked him longer than ever before, slowly, endlessly, pulling him hard against the restraints and pressing his face onto the heated skin of Nicholas back. Nicholas felt himself held up as Andrew finally worked into his climax, not fast and hard as he usually went into it but slow and deep, gasping, wordless, and for all the times they had been in this position before, he realized in a distant and emotional way that this was the first time Andrew ever really made love to him.
Danny watched as Nicholas moved slowly about the office. He suspect that the fight that did not happen in the pub managed to occur later, and was just surprised that there were no black eyes or bruised faces in evidence. Andrew did not seem quite as stiff or pained, which surprised Danny, but then it only took one or two lucky punches to bring on lasting hurt for someone. He assumed Andrew played dirty anyway.
Nicholas would not look directly at Danny, even when talking to him. Danny was just confused, uncertain of what to do. He was mulling on the question that was Nicholas for months now, but nothing changed: Nicholas was still acting like a stupid twat, and Danny was not in a position to make him behave. He knew he was watching the man he loved – despite it all, loved passionately – slowly destroying himself, and Danny was powerless.
The days passed slowly and eventually everyone calmed down about the scene at the pub. He was in the locker room fetching his wallet, which he invariably forgot whenever he changed clothes, when he felt rather than heard Andrew in the room with him.
"Fuck off, Andrew." Danny said it without turning around.
"Shut it, bender." Andrew stood in the doorway, blocking Danny's only exit. Danny stood with his hands on his hips, trying not to reply in kind.
"What you want now?"
"Saw you at the pub."
"Saw you."
Andrew shrugged, squinting his face. "Angel made a scene."
"You pushed him. Anyone could see he was mad already. I saw you do it." Danny glowered back at him, still scared to a certain degree but getting angry.
"You saw everythin', didn't ya? You spy on us every time we're there." Andrew stepped out of the door and stalked into the room. His anger radiated off him and Danny tried not to step backwards in fear. "You watch 'im here, at the pub…any other place you watchin', Danny?"
"No…no! I ain't spying on you guys. Whatever you do…that's your business." Danny tried to sound like he meant it.
"That's rrrright, sergeant." By this time Andrew was nearly next to him, towering over him, and looking vicious. "My business. So you keep your fat little fingers out of my business."
"…don' know what you mean, Andrew."
"I think you do. I think you know exactly what I mean. But if you want to play stupid, then we can do that too." Andrew stepped up until they were almost touching and looked straight down into Danny's eyes. He knew he look scared, and he knew that made him weak in the situation, but by now he was really, genuinely terrified of Andrew standing next to him. "Stay. Away. Don't fuckin' look at 'im, don't talk to 'im outside work, and don't go fuckin' into our business. You think you can handle that?"
When it registered what Andrew was saying, Danny was furious. He shoved Andrew back. "You can't tell me that! He doesn't belong to you! He's still my friend and you can't tell me that!"
Andrew barked in laughter. "He belongs to me. His ass belongs to me, which is more than you ever got, yeah?"
Danny seethed. "Fuck off, Andrew! Don't talk to me about Nicholas when everyone here knows you got it bad for Andy!"
Andrew stepped forward and slammed Danny into the lockers. "Leave Andy out of it."
"You leave Nicholas out of it!" Danny slapped his hands away.
Andrew stepped back, unhappy, but controlling his temper. "What's mine is mine."
Danny pointed straight at his face. "You don't got Nicholas and you never will." He grabbed his coat and walked out.
Andy saw his back, which was still black and blue over five days later, and knew what it meant. He traced the bruises with his long fingers while Nicholas was falling asleep. Andrew was in the shower.
"Don't mean the same to you."
Nicholas barely heard it and wrestled his brain up from dozing, but did not move, enjoying the sharp feeling of Andy's touch over his battered skin. "What you do mean?"
"Just don't."
"Like your scars?"
"Not that. Not talking about…that. I mean the feelin' of it. When you want it."
"How so?" Nicholas rested his chin on his hands.
"You're usin' it to punish yourself."
"I suppose I am, in one way. But…" Nicholas stopped, genuinely lost for words.
"Lettin' go."
"Yes. Release. That more than anything. But what is it for you, then?" Nicholas was genuinely curious.
"Yeah, that too. But…it's like bein' in the eye of a storm. Everything is whippin' around you…like the storm would fall apart without you." Andy's voice was always soft, but it took on a fragility that was almost worrying.
"I know Andrew would fall apart without you."
Andy rested his head on his arm, still petting Nicholas' bruises. "He got on you hard."
"I think it was as much a release for him as for me, to be honest."
Andy nodded. "And then he made love to you."
Nicholas' lost his breath.
"I know. He made love to me once." Andy whispered, then rolled over onto his belly and feigned sleep as Andrew walked through the door.
The rest of the week went by quickly, as least for Danny. He made a point of checking on Nicholas in his office regularly, especially when Andrew was around, and Nicholas looked both relieved and alarmed at the sudden attention from Danny. It was never more than 'how are you' and 'doing fine, Danny' but it was enough. Andrew glared at him and Danny thought that by the weekend, when the drinking really began, he was going to get the crap beat out of him by Andrew. It would be worth it, though.
That night there were general plans for everyone to go to the pub. People trickled out of the office slowly, one by one. Nicholas was staying late, of course, and Andrew was as well, clearly not very keen on leaving Danny alone near Nicholas. Finally Danny went to the locker room and changed out. As he left the building, he realized he forgot his wallet. Again. Cursing himself, he turned around and nearly ran Andrew down.
"Watch it, wanker." Andrew pushed him off.
"Fuck off, Andrew." Danny threw back as he walked into the building. He thought he saw Andrew turning to follow, but he did not hear the door open behind him, so he forgot about it.
"Nicholas!"
He turned around to see Danny's shocked expression, and quickly threw on his over shirt.
Danny just stared, the look of confusion and worry on his face growing deeper as he considered what he had seen. Nicholas turned back around to face his locker and stopped. There was nothing he could say, or explain, or make sense of in any of this, least of all in a way that Danny would understand. He did not want Danny to understand, anyway.
"Who did that?"
Nicholas kept his back to Danny and shook his head.
"Nick…wot the 'ell is going on with you?" Danny walked up behind him and Nicholas felt himself start to crack. He grabbed hold of the open locker door for support.
"Danny, just go away."
"You're back is covered. I know what I saw."
"Please. Go. Away."
Danny was behind him, back about a foot or two, and did not move. "Nick…talk to me. Ain't we partners?"
Nicholas knees buckled and Danny caught him, but he pushed him off. "Don't touch me, Danny!" He stood up and put his back to the lockers, holding one arm out to keep Danny back. "Just don't. Please." He stepped to the side and sat down on one of the benches, still holding the arm up, warding off Danny's concern and worry. Danny sat down on the other end of the bench.
"Nicholas, someone beat you up! Why can't you tell me who?"
"'Cause it was me, you stupid wanker." Andrew walked in. Nicholas did not look up or at him. "He likes it. He takes it. Never took it from you, did he?" Andrew sauntered over, not proud and not really bragging, just taunting Danny lightly, amused by what he stumbled into. He was on a power trip; Nicholas recognized the symptoms. "Guess not. Maybe if you slapped him around a bit he might not 'ave wandered off, eh?" Andrew laughed and rubbed Nicholas' head patronizingly. "Our boy likes to be the boss but he'll take wot I give him every time."
"Shut it, Andrew!" Nicholas stood up, brushing off Andrew's touch. "That's none of Danny's concern; this is inappropriate and it is ending now."
"Is it? Way I hear, you like a bit of locker room action, Nicky." Andrew took of his jacket, slowly, seductively, looking Nicholas in the eye and telegraphing his next move as he unbuckled his belt. "Let's say you blow me. Think that'll work for your wittle Danny Boy? Do it."
Nicholas nearly shook with anger and humiliation. "No, Andrew. Stop. We're leaving. Whatever you want, I'll do it, but back at the flat, okay? Let's just go."
"You do that? To HIM?" Danny marched forward, angry and betrayed.
"Oh christ, Danny!" Nicholas yelled in frustration and suddenly fell down as Andrew backhanded him into the lockers.
Nicholas tried to get his bearings and saw Danny standing over him, facing off with Andrew. He wanted to get up but he was dizzy and it was slow going.
"You touch 'im again, Andrew, and I'll hurt you."
"Oh! Little Danny Batterbomb getting' off on playing daddy?" Andrew sneered and picked up his jacket. "I ain't looking for a fight. G'night, Nick. I'll be waiting for you back at the flat. We can pick this up there." He leered outrageously at Nicholas and walked out, and Nicholas let himself slide back down to the floor. He refused to look up.
Danny crouched down on one knee. "Christ, Nick, what you got into?"
Danny took the dazed and closed-up Nicholas back to his place and made him sit on the couch. He got them both beers but did not put a movie in, and they sat drinking in silence.
"I never wanted you to know about any of this, Danny."
"That you're doing Andrew and lettin' him beat the crap out of you? Would've been happy not to know it."
Nicholas laughed at the honesty.
"Why, Nicholas? This ain't you."
Nicholas sighed and looked up at the familiar ceiling and almost felt like he was home, finally home, after being away at sea for years.
"Is it? I don't know, Danny…"
"Are you happy?" Danny asked, worried, but honest.
"No. No, of course not."
"Then why you doin' all this? Andy and Andrew and the beating…"
"I feel overwhelmed, Danny, like everything is out of control. I can't fix anything, with you or Liz, and so I just keep riding the waves hoping to get somewhere." Nicholas finally said what he had been thinking for months now, but had no one to tell those words too. They were words for Danny, and only Danny, and he bent over and bowed his head as he said them. "When you told me it was over, I just…had nothing left."
"I never said that, Nicholas."
Nicholas looked up and saw that Danny was confused. "What? You did…at the hospital, after you saw…Andrew and me…"
"No, I didn'! I never said that!" Danny leaned forward, in shock. "I'd never say that to you. I'd never…let you go."
"But…"
"I just told you that you couldn't go on chasin' everything that looks good to you, yeah? I meant it! But I never…I would never…and I just waited…I kept waiting…" Danny looked forlorn and devastated and lowered his head into his hands.
"Oh god…Danny…but at the farm, when you said we were partners, but…I thought…" Nicholas stumbled for words.
"Oh Nick, you were just looking for a reason, weren't you? I never said that. I just said if we don't got trust, we don't have anything. I just meant that we had to, I dunno, start over." Danny rubbed his eyes, finally and at long last utterly defeated by Nicholas' mistakes.
Nicholas felt physically ill, remembering those words, and realizing that what Danny said was true. Danny never called them off, he only called Nicholas out, and his reaction to that was to walk away from the one person he truly loved most in the world. Nicholas felt himself crack, his entire perception of everything he had been through over the last two years and the last few months just slide out of his grasp, and he cried out in physical pain, his stomach cramping. Doubled over, holding himself, his eyes closed and trying not to hyperventilate, he felt Danny next to him. When Danny's arms wrapped around him he gasped as if he never really breathed before and wrapped his arms around Danny's closest leg, hanging on for the sake of his very life. Danny stroked his back and his head and leaned into him.
"You just think too much, yeah?"
They were laying back on the couch, Danny turned towards Nicholas, one arm wrapped over him protectively. Nicholas felt empty and would have done god only knows what if Danny was not there to hold him back. They were talking again, about things, now that Nicholas was not in total meltdown anymore. Nicholas sat with his eyes shut tight, unable to look at Danny at all.
"I really thought you knew, back then. When my feet were cut up. I thought you knew."
"I didn'."
"Yes, I figured that out."
"One's never enough for ya, is it?"
"No. I don't think so." Nicholas could not help but smile sadly at the question, his answer, and himself. He finally opened his eyes and looked at Danny, who leaned in further and kissed him. It was a soft kiss and Nicholas only reached one hand up to caress Danny's cheek, and he never wanted it to end but he could not bring himself to ask for anything more than what Danny offered. Danny pulled back and they rubbed noses.
"That was for bein' honest." Danny smiled and sank back into the couch again. "But…what about your back, then? You let Andrew do that?"
Nicholas ground his teeth before he answered, quietly, just at a whisper, refusing to lie or pretend or hide anything from Danny ever again. "I begged him to."
"Korrrr…" Danny gasped in surprise. "Like what we did to Andy, in the locker room?"
Nicholas raised his eyebrows, surprised that he did not correlate that sooner himself. "Well, yes. Just like that."
"And you liked it?"
"Erm, I would not say that. Exactly."
"You got off on it."
"Yes. Exactly."
"I thought Andrew was just bullyin' you around. That's why I got mad. If I knew…"
"Then I would not be here now." Nicholas closed his eyes and pushed his body into Danny's.
Danny was quiet at that for a few moment. "This where you want to be, Nicholas?"
"God, yes, Danny. It's all I ever think about." Nicholas rubbed his eyes and tried to keep breathing evenly.
"An' Andy?"
Nicholas thought carefully before he answered. "I care about him. I care about Andrew, hard as it is for even me to believe. I can't lie to you about that. They are important to me, Danny, but…I don't love them. I love you. I always have…I just…screwed it up."
"Yeah, Nicholas, you did."
Nicholas forced himself to lean forward. "I can't fix it, Danny. I can't change what I did, or how I've lived this past year. I not sure I can give up Andy or Andrew. And I don't think…I don't think I can ever make any of this up to you. I'm sorry, Danny; I failed. I just…failed." Nicholas stood up, shoving his shaking hands into his pockets.
"Nicholas?"
He turned to face Danny, who had a surprisingly calm and collected expression on his face. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling as if he were thinking very hard about something.
"What if…what if I told you toooo…go into the bedroom?"
Nicholas heart stopped and he very nearly did not answer. When he did, he barely heard himself. "I would."
"And if I told you, emmm…say, you know, get undressed?" Danny was still fluttering his eyes at the ceiling.
Nicholas nodded, unable to speak.
"I mean, all the way. Clothes off." He finally looked at Nicholas and wagged his finger in a circle so that it was…almost…an order.
Nicholas nodded again.
"And then what if I told you to get into bed and turn the lights off and…emmm, well, just wait for me? Would you wait?"
Nicholas thought his legs would never move again, that he stopped breathing for life, but he finally said the only answer he could give. "Forever, Danny."
Danny nodded and leaned back on the couch. "Good. I like that. Go on, then." Danny waved his beer at him in dismissal, smiling as he picked up the remote. Nicholas turned wordlessly and walked into the bedroom to wait for Danny.
Andrew took the long way home, smoking and enjoying the cool night air. He acted like a prick and he knew it, but he figured out a long time ago that riling up Danny's jealousy was the only way that boy was ever going to take Nick back. He only waited until he knew that Nick was ready, and then put everything into motion. All of his planning worked, every chance encounter played out exactly as he intended and every confrontation led directly to the outcome he designed. When he got home, he told Andy that Nick might not be visiting them for a long time. Then, privately and secretly grief stricken over his own loss, he made love to Andy until dawn with all the dark, fierce passion he held inside for the men he truly loved.
Yes, Andrew Wainwright was a good man – righteous, honest, compassionate, and loving – but not a goddamn soul needed to know that, other than Andy.
Characters: Andrew Wainwright, Andy Cartwright, Danny Butterman, Nicholas Angel
Narrative mode: third-limited