4. Steak And Cream 4

The odd nose rubbing thing becomes part of their routine. She doesn’t question it, any more than she brings up Luo Fei in their discussions. From what she can tell, the two men are still on the outs. Ben is pretending he is not melancholy about that, and if rubbing noses helps settle him, then so be it. He’s always been a little weird and she accepts that as part of the bargain of his friendship.

But.

She loves the nose rubbing thing too much . She waits for it at the end of their meals, packing up slowly, giving him time to finish his own clean up and come around the desk.

They don’t hug. They don’t shake hands. They don’t say goodbye. He just leans down and rubs his nose over hers a few times, gives her that lopsided smile, and then returns to his duties as if he’s not breaking her damn heart every day now. Perhaps he intends it as brotherly affection, but her body and mind have their wires crossed.

She’s developing a crush on him, is the problem, and she doesn’t know how to back out of it. Is it even possible to give your heart to two men? And two such very different men as Ben and Luo Fei? Two men who have no room in their hearts for her (or any woman, she suspects)?

She wonders how she makes such a fine mess of everything. It’s a talent. (According to her aunt she got it from her father, which is not a compliment.) But she can’t stop herself and so she keeps coming back, keeps staying for lunch, keeps waiting for him to touch her. She feels like a thief but then, she also has genuinely come to enjoy his company. His jokes are dry and thoughtful, his insight on cases she’s working on is almost as good as Luo Fei’s, and he respects her as a colleague. His rare smiles are boyish and charming. His concern for her friendship is genuine.

It’s a deadly combination and she finds she’s helpless against him.

Much as she suspects Luo Fei is, too.

They are enjoying lunch at Ben’s desk when they hear footfalls on the stairs. She doesn’t pay much attention, as it is common enough for other officers to come down to talk to Ben. Instead she continues the raucous retelling of her morning which involved a pickpocket, a loose pig, and a cart full of squawking chickens that several other officers fell into (to their detriment more than the chickens’). Ben is meticulously chewing his food and watching her with the same serious focus he gives particularly interesting corpses. (This charms her; she knows that’s a bad sign.)

She doesn’t even think about those footfalls until Ben sits up straight and stares past her.

She fumbles to a stop and turns in her chair, and yes, it’s Luo Fei.

He looks terrible. His clothes are clean and he’s as fashionably put together as always, but his skin is sallow, he looks even thinner, and there are dark bags under his eyes. He’s focuses on them with his usual intensity, though, and Xiaoman wonders what his clever mind sees.

Her, certainly, indecently straddling a chair turned backwards so she can rest her arms on the back of it. Her food strewn about Ben’s desk. And, she notices with chagrin, the little flower she had plucked for him from a passing shrub and dropped into his pencil holder. She’s sure Lou Fei sees everything, far more than what she wants him to know.

“Superintendent Savoy wishes to talk to both of us.” It is all he says, staring at Xiaoman.

She clears her throat. “For a case?”

He nods. He still hasn’t looked at Ben, and that makes her angry. She slaps her things together, packing up the remains of her lunch then shoving the carrying case across the desk at Ben.

“Hold this until I get back.”

He nods, still looking at Luo Fei.

She stands and pushes the chair back into place then turns to look pointedly at Ben. He finally tears his eyes away from Luo Fei and focuses on her, raising one eyebrow in an eloquent question.

She taps her nose.

Luo Fei sucks in a harsh breath.

Ben lowers his head for a few seconds before unfolding from his chair and walking around the desk to her. Instead of leaning down, he pauses and studies her for a moment. Then grabs her jaw like he did the first time with the ointment and holds her steady. Her breath catches when he bends just far enough and no further. His eyes close as they rub noses, then he goes completely still. They stay frozen like that, Luo Fei’s rasping breath in the background, with the tips of their noses pressed together, sharing each other’s air. Finally Ben steps away from her.

Luo Fei is furious, brows furrowed like a bull preparing to charge. “This is how it is? You mislead her to get revenge on me?” He asks, his voice dark and dangerous, snapping the words like a turtle.

Ben’s face is blank as he studies Luo Fei. “You asked me to leave you alone. Not her.”

Luo Fei reels as if struck. “I—”

Ben shakes his head. “You didn’t . You set other rules, but not that.”

Xiaoman squares off with Luo Fei. “You are setting rules about me ?” Xiaoman points at herself. “You have no right!”

Luo Fei blinks at her as if suddenly remembering she has vocal chords. “For your protection!”

She screeches at that, loudly and painfully if Ben’s full body flinch is anything to go by. “I have saved you how many times? I have protected you how many times? I have fought and chased and wrangled suspects for you how many times? I do not need your protection, Luo Fei!”

Luo Fei stutters, nothing more than the sound “b-b-b-b-b” coming from his lips.

“You do her an injustice, Luo Fei.”

That pulls Luo Fei out of his protests, his anger returning full steam as he turns to face Ben. “As do you!”

Ben walks over to him, slow and thoughtful in every movement, but his eyes blazing. Luo Fei doesn’t move, only lifts his chin in defiance. Xiaoman is expecting a fight and braces herself to jump in between them, but Ben captures Luo Fei’s face with both of his hands and drags him closer, Luo Fei stumbling in surprise. He tilts down a little — he was right, he’s not actually that much taller than Luo Fei — and rubs their noses together. It is so gentle and loving that tears spring to XIaoman’s eyes unbidden, and she wipes at them angrily.

The nervous energy that seemed to be buzzing around Luo Fei dissipates instantly and he, too, closes his eyes. For a moment.

Then he’s shoving Ben away with more violence than Xiaoman could ever imagine him directing at Ben. He shakes his fist. “I thought you were smarter than to—”

Something changes, snaps like a band between them. Ben snarls, grabbing Luo Fei’s face again and dragging him close. “You ignore me for weeks and come here to scold me?” He bares his teeth as Luo Fei clutches at his shoulders to balance himself, then slams their mouths together.

Xiaoman looks over at the stairwell, making sure no one is coming. She’s not sure what else to do otherwise as Ben utterly ravishes Luo Fei’s mouth, tugging him forward to keep him off-balance with Luo Fei scrabbling at his arms. He shifts, grabs a fistful of hair with one hand, the other locked on Luo Fei’s hip like a vice, and the the noises they make into each others’ mouths are indecent.

She should not be there, witnessing such intimacy.

She can’t tear herself away.

Her body is alight with something more powerful than a beating heart and she doesn’t know what to do with the fire sparking through her veins. Her mouth waters and she feels shame at last, looking down at the floor.

But then Luo Fei gasps and she has to see . He’s wrapped his arms over Ben’s shoulders and practically hangs off him, Ben clutching him close. His face is flushed with color again, his eyes wide and glazed, his mouth parted. His expression is filled with awe as he looks up at Ben as if he is seeing a sunrise for the first time in his life. She has never seen a grown man look so soft, so vulnerable, and it breaks her heart.

Ben smiles that sweet grin that Xiaoman adores and kisses the crown of Luo Fei’s head. “Dear Fei, why do you do this to us?” He whispers. Luo Fei simply shakes his head, still in a daze. Ben gently sets Luo Fei back on his feet, then spends a moment straightening up his clothes which had gotten rumpled in their passions.

Self-awareness returns to Luo Fei in steps, but relentlessly. His jaw flexes and his eyes narrow, even as Ben fusses over him. “I am still angry with you!” Luo Fei declares.

“I know.” Ben sighs in resignation and finally, finally looks over at Xiaoman. “Take him where he needs to go, then return him to his apartment for me tonight.”

Whatever she was expecting him to say, that wasn’t it. Yet it is a simple enough request and was what she intended to do anyway. She takes a deep breath and nods. “I will.”

“I am not a sheep!” Luo Fei bleats as Ben walks over to where Xiaoman feels bolted to the ground.

She looks up at Ben, who smiles at her and caresses her cheek with the back of one hand. “You’re flushed. Warm.”

She flares her nostrils and knocks his hand away. “Do not mock me, Ben Jie Ming,” she says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, I’m not, Qin Xiaoman.” He ducks down and places a quick, feather-light kiss on her other cheek before turning to his desk, Luo Fei still bleating protests behind them. “Isn’t Supervisor Savoy expecting you?” Ben cuts him off.

“I will deal with you later!” Luo Fei says imperiously, pointing at Ben, who keeps his back to them, before marching to the stairwell.

Xiaoman scrambles after him, fingers touching her cheek.