1. Steak And Cream 1

It’s an accident that she sees, really sees with open eyes, why Luo Fei is shy of her advances.

Not that she’s demanding, but she has been persistent. Her aunt is progressive but unfailingly polite, so she taught Xiaoman not just to ask for candy but to always ask because while it’s wrong to take, you never know what you might win if you just ask . So she asks, in ways more or less demure, because she knows that Luo Fei looks at her sometimes like she is a precious thing he wants to hold.

But then he looks away and keeps her at arms length for a day by shutting his door in her face and running into danger alone until she has to rescue him again. And again. And...again.

Their push and pull on this matter is frustrating and infuriating, but Xiaoman is a modern woman and a police officer, so she refuses to sit down and cry to anyone about it. Anyway it is Luo Fei, whom most distant observers believe is untouchable and more than a bit eccentric. Who would offer her sympathy? She considers Ben Jie Ming but he is Luo Fei’s best friend and, as much as she has come to adore the kind and sympathetic man, it would be improper and unfair of her to impose her wild feelings on him out of convenience.

But then.

But then there is a murder and a case and body.

It is a vicious and perplexing mystery. Xiaoman can tell that something about it shakes Luo Fei to his core. The body, of course, goes to Ben, as does Luo Fei. Xiaoman retreats from the horror into procedure and footwork. Eventually, though, leads run out and she goes to find Luo Fei to tell him what she has discovered, meager as it is.

She is tired and that makes her quiet, moving slowly and without words, as she descends into the morgue. Her first thought is relief that Ben is not leaning over the corpse, doing anything to it that she could never erase from her memory.

But no, he’s standing by the table. He’s standing there and holding Luo Fei to his chest.

Luo Fei’s breaths are deep and unsteady, and his entire body is tense as he mashes his face into Ben’s shoulder. His arms are like steel bands around Ben’s torso, embracing him so tightly that Xiaoman is surprised either man can breathe at all. Ben holds himself stately and calm as always, his own arms loose around Luo Fei’s body, his words gentle and quiet and for Luo Fei’s ears alone.

It is good that Luo Fei has this. She is grateful that he has a man who is as a brother to him, who can quiet his heart and mind. This is not a time for her to interrupt. Just as Xiaoman shifts to start walking backwards as inconspicuously as she can, Luo Fei surges up ( and up ) onto his toes and kisses Ben.

Kisses him .

This is no brotherly peck of cheeks, as she has seen some old fashioned men do. It is desperate, raw passion. The way Luo Fei has moved one shaking hand to grab at Ben’s hair, the way their lips part so tongues slip together, the way Ben pulls Luo Fei closer, they way Luo Fei groans loud and lewd — none of that is brotherly.

Does she gasp? She doesn’t know, but something tips the cards and Ben looks up and straight at her. His lips are wet and red but his eyes are dark, some blistering fire roiling in them as he glares her down. Anger and fear in equal measures are easy to understand in a look like that. For the first time since she met him, she’s scared of Ben Jie Ming.

Luo Fei spins out of Ben’s embrace and scouts for the danger. Seeing her, his entire posture simply collapses. He only stares at her for a moment before looking away, pride warring with shame. She can see him grinding his teeth from across the room, his eyes rimmed red from crying.

“I...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I was...I’ll go.” She turns and sprints out of the morgue and up the stairs, exhaustion chased away by panic. She doesn’t stop running until she slams her apartment door behind her, locking it and crashing to the floor, uselessly trying to fist the heavy carpet in her hands.

Only then does she feel tears raining down her face.

She does not remember getting ready for bed, but she does remember hearing someone knocking at her door much later, when she’s swearing self-pity and recriminations into her pillows. She has no idea when she finally falls asleep, only that it’s a mercy.

But there is a murder and a case and body, so she gets up in the morning, puts on her most utilitarian work clothes (there is no one to impress, is there?), pins her hair back, and marches down to the station.

Luo Fei is on a tear, frantic and angry and bullying everyone around him, including the superintendent. It’s borderline self-destructive, which is nothing new, really. He keeps glancing her way, challenging her to act out, to betray him, possibly to hate him...she’s not sure.

But she loves him, and has for a long time. His unusual passions don’t change that. She bullies him right back until he slips onto the couch in the super’s office to ponder the few facts she had not been able to tell him the night before. The superintendent leaves them there, slamming his door on the way out. The room goes unnaturally quiet.

“You choose to work with me? Still?” He’s sitting prim and proper, back straight, staring across the room at nothing, his hands braced on his knees.

“Of course.” She plops down to straddle the arm of the couch in the way that her aunt hates most, staring at the same nothing that seems to have hypnotized Luo Fei.

His eyes glance her way, but briefly. “Ah. Good.”

There is nothing of him now that would remind her of the man who so spectacularly crashes her blind dates on the regular, or sends fond looks her way when he thinks she doesn’t notice. She tries not to feel heartbreak at that, but another lesson from her aunt serves her now: always push through, no matter the hardship.

“You don’t think it’s the factory worker?” She knows it’s not the factory worker as well as he does.

“Of course not! What are you thinking?” He shouts and they’re off and running — literally, in her case. At the end of the day, in his apartment, she throws one of her shoes at him when he sits down and starts groaning like an old man.

“You are so out of shape! Why do I do all the running?”

“Because you are young!” He waves a hand around then looks shifty. “And, ah, healthy .” Her shoe is still firmly wedged between the chair cushion and arm, and he’s still not looking at her if he can help it.

“I am also tired!” She marches over and leans across him to grab her shoe back. He flinches, his eyes wide as he looks up at her. She stands up slowly and turns the shoe over in her hands, focusing on the feel of the still-warm leather, the scratches and scuff marks. Her next words are barely a whisper, meant more for herself than him anyway. “Am I so repulsive now? Or have I always been something—”

“Qin Xiaoman!” One hand flexes as if he wants to reach out to her but can’t.

“We are both tired and it’s been a long couple of days. Sleep tight!” She forces a smile and tries to bounce out of his apartment the way she always did before. She will learn to keep her distance. She will show him that she is not a prude, nor cruel. She will show him that she is a friend to be trusted, and a colleague who respects him.