7. Rescued 7

Pepper Potts was a beautiful, magnificent woman who only terrified Clint just a little less than Natasha did. She was also madly in love with the Cor-mmandos, despite Tony's displeasure, so Clint knew he should have expected what happened next.

"No."

"Agent Barton, I understand your reluctance, but it would be great publicity for the Avengers." Pepper looked at him over her desk with the best puppy-dog eyes west of Steve Rogers.

"I'm a spy, a super-secret assassin," Clint said, forcibly forgetting about all the "AmeriHawk" tumblrs.

She gave him a look of pure pity. "We've licensed your image to Toys'R'Us for popcorn tins."

Clint glared at her but she just pushed the paperwork closer to him.

"Dog Fancy Magazine? Really?" Clint sighed.

"The Cor-mmandos have their own fan club." She placed a pen on top of the contract.

The cover shoot consisted of Clint and Steve posed with the Cor-mmandos around Stark's pool. Clint had spent less time in make-up and wardrobe the one time he went undercover as a transvestite, and he spent the other half of the shoot running around the pool yelling "Bucky! Stop!" which mostly made Steve look uncomfortable. The centerfold picture was of them sitting around a small outdoor table, both Steve and Stevie smiling at the camera like movie stars while Dum Dum blithely sat on Clint's feet and Bucky stood on the table as if he was on guard duty. Examining at himself, Clint thought he just looked constipated but Bruce swore it was a handsome, brooding expression.

It was the most popular edition of the magazine ever, and went into eight print runs.

It came with an absurd level of pointless controversy, though. Dan Savage demanded that "AmeriHawk" come out about their affair, and Tony refused to talk to Steve for a week (not that anyone explained to Steve why, least of all Clint). Pepper put a dog groomer on the Stark payroll full time and never apologized for anything, not even when Dum Dum showed up one day with glittery red nail polish on his claws. Steve was incredibly pleased about the whole thing because part of his agreement to pose with the dogs was that the magazine would donate a portion of sales to the New York Humane Society. He also somehow remained blissfully ignorant of the whole "gay superhusbands" scandal (Clint suspected JARVIS had installed internet filters on Steve's tablet).

The article had only mentioned Phil's name once, referring to him as "the Cor-mmandos' tragically deceased previous owner."

Natasha at least had the grace to get Clint smashed-face drunk, and when Clint woke up with a hangover and Donut sprawled across his back, she walked the dogs with Steve the next morning. Clint took petty delight in the rumor mill that sprouted up when pictures of that hit the Internet.