9. Chapter 9

Xiaoman doesn’t even look to where Ben lands since she did not throw him too hard, just enough to get him in the clear. Instead she grabs Luo Fei’s upper arms and drags him to his knees. He is sputtering words of outrage and betrayal, his jealousy spilling out of him like poison. He tries to fight her a little, but he’s too distracted by his emotions to do anything other than fall into her hold and let her manhandle him around.

She ends up sitting on the settee with her legs splayed, Luo Fei on his knees in front of her with his arms locked to his side due to the hold she has on his elbows. His jaw is sliding back and forth, words unspoken, as he glares at her.

Ben has regained his footing, standing off to the side with a worried expression.

Xiaoman shakes Luo Fei just enough to make his hair bounce. “Get a hold of yourself!”

“You heard him! He throws himself around like—”

“Don’t you dare, Luo Fei! That is Ben!” She shakes him again. “He cares for you so much! Why do think he’s never told you about this before!”

“Because!” Luo Fei visibly gathers his thoughts, scanning for reasons. That is just enough of a mystery to slow him down, to get him back in his mind and thinking , as she hoped it would.

“He was embarrassed? Ashamed? Why? To not tell me?” He looks hurt, then, and glances out the side of his eyes at Ben. “He didn’t trust me.”

“You are so brilliant and so dumb!” Xiaoman starts to shake him again.

“Hey! Hey! Stop!” He squirms in her hold. She lets go of his arms and grabs his face with both hands until he goes still again. In the dim lighting of the room, his ornamentation glistens — pearls, makeup, silk, hair — and he looks only a little silly in his disheveled state, his curls a riot on his head and his dress twisted.

“He trusts you, Luo Fei, but he did not want to lose your respect for him.”

“That makes no sense,” Luo Fei states calmly.

Xiaoman glances over at Ben, then jerks her head at him when he doesn’t respond quickly enough. He bounces forward in the next moment, though, and she breathes out a sigh of relief.

“It’s true,” he says, sitting down next to Xiaoman on the settee. Xiaoman lowers her hands from Luo Fei’s face, so Ben reaches out and cups his chin. “I love you, and feared what you would think of me.”

Luo Fei nods, then stops, his eyes wide, mouth parted, and for a moment he looks like a very pretty boy, young and vulnerable. Xiaoman wonders if this is a side of him anyone has seen since he was an actual child. She wonders why he only shows himself in extremis, why he hides behind a waterfall of words and distractions.

“You love me.” Luo Fei looks at Ben in wonderment.

“Of course.”

Luo Fei puts his hands on Xiaoman’s thigh for leverage and hauls himself up to kiss Ben. It’s short and hard, more of an attack than a kiss. She grabs his waist to hold him steady, enjoying watching them kiss again, Luo Fei stretched out to meet Ben’s mouth. Ben gently places his hands right above hers, their fingers touching, holding Luo Fei in place, and it sets her heart pounding. She thought she wanted nothing more than for these men to be happy together, but in truth she knows she wants more. She wants whatever they will give her...whatever they will let her take.

Luo Fei breaks the kiss with a gasp. “If you love me why would you...with anyone else?” He stares at Ben intently, as if trying to figure him out.

Ben shrugs. “Why not, when I thought I could never have you?” He leans forward and kisses his rouged cheek. “I’ve always wanted you, though. I want you now.”

Then, Ben surprises Xiaoman again. He leans toward her and gently kisses her cheek too. “I want him,” he says, the request pure and simple, raw and wanton. This is a side of Ben she is quickly becoming fond of.

She turns to smile at him, feeling her love for them flowing out from her like a river of gold. “Then you will have him, my dearest Ben Jie Ming.”