7. Chapter 7

When Luo Fei stops to breathe, Ben has a moment of undiluted horror and regret. This is his best, oldest friend and the line they are crossing is not one they can recover from. Luo Fei says that Ben belongs to him, but does he know what that means ? Has he ever been with a man before, as lovers? As well as he knows Luo Fei, there are parts of their lives they have kept separate and private from each other, out of mutual respect...or so he assumed.

His hand rests heavy and hot against Luo Fei’s stockinged thigh, a damnation if there ever was one.

He looks up and sees Xiaoman smiling at him. It’s grounding to see her there, masculine and feminine both, the yang to Luo Fei’s yin...or something like that, he’s lost track of metaphors, and only knows that without her there to balance him, in the next moment his resolve would truly fly away.

She grins, shark-like, and tells him to take what he wants.

She has commanded him, so he obeys.

The last time Ben kissed a girl, he was twelve and she was thirteen and they were hiding in the mop closet of the hospital where his father worked. (It was uninspiring and he swore off kissing completely, a personal oath that held all the way to Oxford and those beautiful British boys.)

This kiss is nothing like that one.

He is desperate for it, for one thing, and he started it for another. Unplanned and possibly unwelcome, it is a bit awkward at first and he starts to drop back down, clutching Luo Fei to his chest defensively, although what either of them could do to Xiaoman on a tear, he doesn’t know.

Instead, she gasps softly and shoves bodily into them, pressing Luo Fei up against his chest and trapping Ben’s arm there as she chases the kiss back into Ben’s mouth. He lets her, of course he does, because she smells like Luo Fei’s cologne and tastes like whiskey and is an absolutely unstoppable force of nature.

Her mouth is so different, small but deep, her teeth straight and strong. Sometimes he hates the way he notices things like this about a person but not now, not when it allows him to imagine what she looks like kissing him, her hair still slicked back and her lips parted as her tongue maps out his own mouth, firm and possessive. One hand is wrapped around the nape of his neck and his knees go weak.

“Xiaoman!” Luo Fei calls out, bringing Ben back to his senses. Luo Fei is clawing at his arms, his face shoved into Ben’s neck as Xiaoman keeps pushing her weight down on them. She’s tiny but she’s all muscle and determination.

“Xiaoman,” Ben repeats, catching her eye. She’s in a haze of lust, her pupils dilated, but she pauses and nods at him, backing off a little bit more.

Luo Fei pulls away at that, and finally looks at them. His eyes are wide and excited, his lips swollen and still stained a little red from the lipstick Xiaoman wiped off, and he’s just...he’s just so precious, so perfect. Ben leans down and kisses his forehead.

Luo Fei wraps his arms around Ben and hugs him. That’s all he does, curling his legs so he can fold up into Ben’s lap completely, hugging him so tightly that Ben loses his breath. “Ben, Ben . Ben.” Luo Fei is repeating Ben’s name like a mantra.

Ben closes his eyes. “Yes. Ah-Fei, yes . I never knew. I never thought I could—”

Xiaoman places a gentle finger over his lips. “You can. I promise, Ben Jie Ming.” It’s an oath, sworn and sealed for him. For them. Ben has no idea how this can work but he wants it beyond all reason. He wants .

She traces her fingers over his eyebrows, his cheeks, his jaw. Luo Fei is still clinging to him like Ben is his favorite teddy bear. In this quiet moment, in this strange place, Ben belongs to the people he loves in a way he’s sure he’s never felt before, with anyone. A life of drifting from suffering to outcast to perversion ends here, he thinks, as sure as being reborn.

Ben doesn’t mean to, but Luo Fei is not quite as small as he sometimes appears and is actually a little slippery in the fancy silk cheongsam, so Ben uses one hand to grab his ass and pull him more firmly into his lap. Xiaoman’s eyes lock on his hand and the very air around them is suddenly charged with electricity.

“Yes,” Luo Fei gasps, head tipping back, eyes closed in genuine ecstasy.

Ben freezes.