26. Murphy's Law

“This place is creepy,” John complained, picking his way behind the engineers. After a week of hard living under the Emmagen’s thumb, John was sore and annoyed but at least given enough leash to join the mission to the dead planet no one liked to talk about: Sateda.

“That’s what the Wraith’ll do for you,” Ford shrugged. He had been assigned by Lorne to “protect” John, although everyone knew it was more along the lines of making sure John didn’t fuck anything up.

The bitch of it was that John didn’t want to fuck anything up. He never did; it just happened. Someone got in trouble and needed help, or John got in over his head and lost his heart, or just plain fucking bad luck —didn’t really matter why, just that it was never something John asked for. He was completely content to meander along slowly while the engineers sorted through things. They were in some kind of factory, with strange parts and machines lying around half-rusted or broken apart. Every once in a while an engineer would pop up from the mess like a gopher with a prize, crowing about his find, and all the others would flock around digging in the exact same spot. The Marines serving protection detail looked bored and used to it, but kept a close eye on everyone anyway.

It was phenomenally boring.

Even the Emmagen, who had decided to tag along at the last minute, looked bored. She had mentioned something about visiting a temple there, to pay her respects, but for the moment she trailed after the engineers like everyone else. She ignored John and made the Marines nervous.

The only one having fun was McKay, who was wringing his entertainment like blood from a stone by way of making Dr. Kavanagh miserable. It was obvious they hated each other, and that their embittered antagonism went back quite a long time. Everyone else mostly ignored them, unless they could get a laugh at Kavanugh’s expense. For being the second in command of the science department, the man was utterly loathed. John was beginning to see how so many people could bitch about McKay but still sort of like him.

Not that John was going to fall prey to that.

There had been no more sex since the spectacular blowjob, and John figured that was McKay’s way of keeping him on a short leash. Something else he did not really care about, because John wasn’t anyone’s whore no matter how much he wanted to beg for it.

“What’s there?” John veered away from the herd towards a large door. It looked like a loading bay facing an overgrown courtyard, which was just alien enough to perk his interest. Aside from Atlantis, this was John’s first real trip “off world” and he didn’t want to spend it elbow deep with PhD-endowed grease monkeys.

Ford did not seem disinclined to disagree, and trailed after John. He gave McKay and Sergeant Stackhouse a signal to show that things were fine as they headed through the doorway.

“Just don’t fall down any holes or anything.”

“I’ll try,” John snarked back, picking his way carefully through the mess. He could not decide if the area had been a garden spot to begin with, or was just that overgrown. They walked for a while, passing smaller out-buildings and what John suspected might have been a truck-like vehicle once.

“Seems kind of boring for an off world mission.”

Ford had just finished checking in with Stackhouse when John spoke, and nodded in agreement. “Whenever the scientists are in the lead, it’s going to be boring. Unless McKay’s got a bee up his bonnet. Otherwise we just follow them around and try to kill Wraith.”

“Hard to kill?” John knew the answer, but it was something to say.

Ford sighed heavily as they walked. “The hardest.”

John nodded. It was the most civil conversation he had participated in with anyone in weeks, and he didn’t want to make the young lieutenant turn surly again by being too much of a smart ass with his comebacks. He was trying to think of something friendly to say while picking his way through a bunch of ground-covering vines when it happened.

The trap sprung on him in slow motion, that bizarre place where the brain turns time into a syrupy mess and life changes in an instant. John felt the noose as it closed and tugged, thinking gratefully that it was his good leg because he knew his bad hip would not take the stress of the coming flip-flop. He had the foresight to clutch himself up into a ball as his leg swung out, and in the end his good hip was still nearly dislocated. As he bounced in the air upside down, radiating pain from his ankle and lower back, he figured he had the Emmagen to thank for being as flexible and strong as he was. Not that it really helped while swinging around like a haunch of meat on a hook.

Ford was shouting and by the time John could focus again, Ford was ready for a fight. Nothing happened though, and the eerie silence of Sateda settled down on them while Ford waited for someone to attack and John calculated his injuries.

“What the hell?” McKay sounded amused as he walked up on them. “You’re upside down.”

“Go to hell, McKay.” John snarled through clinched teeth.

“Or, get you down. Your choice.” McKay just laughed, and John hated him all over again.

“Sir, this is recent,” Ford spoke up, checking out the rope mechanism that had hauled John ass-over-teakettle. “Very recent.”

“Who would be stupid enough to put a trap like this here?” McKay wondered aloud, standing next to Ford and looking at the set up.

“I don’t give a fuck, just get me down before I pass out!” John snapped.

“Hold your horses, Sheppard, I—” McKay’s words were cut short by the whine of some kind of weapon. He fell like a ton of bricks after being hit by a blast of light. Ford was already pulling the trigger as he turned to their attacker, but whomever it was had bolted.

“Stay there! I’ll be back!”

“What? NO! Ford! Get your ass back here!” John shouted in frustration as Ford dashed off. “God damn it!”

Curling up, his abdominal muscles and scars screaming, John grabbed his pants leg and tried pulling himself up hand over hand. It worked until he got to his ankle, which hurt like a motherfucker, and the rope above his foot was just out of reach. John’s surgical scars were enough to keep him from any gymnast kind of moves, but flopping backwards would likely finish breaking his ankle completely, if it wasn’t already fractured.

He hung there, contorted and sweating from the pain, until suddenly he felt himself being lowered.

“McKay?”

“No.”

John looked over at the voice and reconsidered his chances of getting out of the situation alive. The man was huge, maybe 6’6” if he was an inch, and built like a brick house. He was dark skinned like the Emmagen and had a head of hair that reminded John of Medusa. More than any of that, though, he looked like Conan the Barbarian in rough, dirty leathers and covered in grime. John wasn’t on his game but he suspected the decorations dangling from necklaces and bracelets and cords were trophies, the teeth and claws of things John did not want to think about.

The guy came over when John was grounded and undid the rope from John’s ankle.

“Thanks?” John gasped.

“You must be valuable.”

John couldn’t stop himself from letting out a honking laugh at that. “Willing place another bet?”

Something about John’s admittedly smart-assed reply amused the giant, who grinned. Then he looked over at McKay and frowned. “You people know how to destroy a good plan.”

“Not my fault, I did not set up the rope trap.” John massaged his burning ankle, hoping for good news. He noticed McKay was breathing, which was a surprising relief.

“No, I did. For Wraith.”

John cocked his head. “This place is Sateda. Everyone knows the Wraith don’t come here anymore.”

The giant raised his eyebrows mockingly.

“Well, that’s what they told me at the mission briefing.” John rolled a shoulder, judging its fitness.

“They will come here. Soon.”

John looked up at the man, who spoke with assurance and grim determination. Something clicked, even through the hazy fog of pain.

“You’re purposely luring them here? You some kind of Wraith hunter?”

That earned John another steady gaze of mystery, which just made him annoyed. “Look, there’s a whole group of us here, scientists, civilians. If you’re bringing the Wraith down on us, you’ll get them all killed. Is that what you want?”

“No.”

John realized he wasn’t walking anywhere for a while, so instead stretched out his legs in front of him, trying to moderate the pain. The guy kept staring at him. John glared back.

“I came here to die.”

“I can arrange that. Give me his gun,” John said, pointing at McKay’s sidearm.

The giant laughed at him. “No. To finish this with the Wraith. This is where it started for me, this is where it will end. I’m tired of running.”

“You’re Satedan? Great.” John sighed, rubbing his head.

“Your people are coming this way. They need to leave, before the Wraith get here and ruin my plans.”

“You trussed me up, knocked out our lead scientist, and exchanged shots with a Marine. I doubt anything is going to go your way from here on out,” John said, aiming for honesty.

“Maybe not.” The giant nodded in agreement, which was all the warning John had before he stepped up and hauled him up into a choke hold.

“Put him down!” Ford yelled. By the time John’s eyes swum back into focus from the sudden onset pain and motion, he found himself held tightly in the giant’s grip, between him and Ford’s trigger-happy P-90.

“I’ll break him,” the giant growled.

“Dunno, big guy, but they might throw you a party for that—”

“Shut up, Sheppard. No one’s getting broken on my watch. Look, fella, I don’t care what your beef is. Put him down and walk away.”

The giant started backing up, his hold on John not letting up at all.

“Just let him go. Look, I’m putting down my gun.” Ford crouched down, unsnapping his p-90 and letting it drop, although he did not unholster his pistol.

“You’re still armed.”

“But my hands are wayyyy up here.” Ford did a little jazzy motion with his hands. John rolled his eyes because the kid was even more of a smart ass than he was.

The giant glanced away for a moment, and Ford almost took a chance, but then the giant was running backwards, his gun out and aimed on Ford. “Wraith! Hide your people!”

Panic sparked in Ford’s eyes as a high-pitched sound rolled over them. John glanced up as he was being dragged to see three beautifully aerodynamic and dangerous looking craft sear through the air above them. Before John could blink, a white beam reached out and swept over Ford and McKay and they both simply disappeared.

He opened his mouth to shout but felt the butt of the giant’s strange gun slam into his head instead.

tbc