No additional warnings for this scene.
It was an empty place because he was alone. He knew that and fought it and tried to fill up what was missing but that scared him too – he knew where that kind of desperation could take a man. He was left with an ugly room, an uncomfortable bed, and nothing to make a life with outside of work. Sometimes he stood still and looked at the sky and knew that life was beautiful, but not with him in it, because he was dead. Finally, finally dead…then a spark would walk by and when he looked, really looked, sometimes he thought those lights were put on Earth just for him, if he could learn to feel that kind of heat again. But he made the wrong choices, then and now, and this was his life: as empty as the room he slept in.
It was understood that Gene Hunt was harmless. He leered and joked and possessed a unique way with words – what the more anxious and rebellious among them called 'sexist' for gods sake – but he did not pinch and he did not slap and never, ever made a pass. Phyllis always warned the new girls off him, more as a matter of protocol than because they had anything to worry about. Something about putting the fear of god into them, Phyllis would say over a pint and a cruel smirk.
None of this decreased his allure. There was more than one plonk who pushed her luck and was rebuffed, then soundly humiliated by everyone else in the Women's Department for even trying. Yet they kept trying because for all of it, his gruff manner and his rough handling of everything and his filthy mouth, Gene Hunt was the sexiest damn man in the whole Manchester Police Department. Like John Wayne, he towered over everyone with his size and his attitude and his blazing masculinity and brought woman to their knees and left them in the dust, going home to his wife with the faithful adoration of a sheep dog. His chaste manner, in the end, only served to give him a chivalrous and honorable reputation, much as he would have been shocked to discover that.
The only man who could touch DCI Hunt's heart-throb status was his exact polar opposite: skinny, thoughtful, proper, and very very pretty DI Sam Tyler. Who did not swoon for one, swooned for the other; and there were more than a few times after those two were hitting it out nose to nose in the hall that the women's room became very crowded with the girls 'freshening up,' cold towels pressed to their foreheads.
Annie was not immune to either man. She, like everyone including Phyllis, coddled DCI Hunt and watched him too closely as he marched up the stairs or ran out of the building or sat smoking in his chair. She was no virgin when it came to sex, thank you very much, and she knew he pushed her buttons in a serious way, a lot like Clint Eastwood or Sean Connery. But like them, he was unobtainable and probably more trouble than she would really want to put up with on a daily basis. That knowledge did not stop the crush and so she just enjoyed the watching for what it was worth, which was very nice bathtub fantasies. She tried to reign it in once she was in CID, for obvious reasons, but then she also got to spend more time watching Tyler too. Divided attention had its merits.
Annie was the envy of the WD for catching the attention of DI Tyler. That she put up with nearly two years of breakneck near-insanity on his behalf, she did not bother sharing with anyone. When he got her into CID, with DCI Hunt's tacit approval, no less, tongues wagged and were still wagging. She just did not hear them as much. Now she hung out with the 'guys' and mostly kept up with the other girls through Phyllis' frequent visits to the Railway Arms. But Annie liked the new arrangement. She was at heart a bossy, cussing girl and she was a tomboy who preferred playing with the boys rather than playing with their hearts. When Tyler finally made a real move on her, she was relieved that everything was on the table, or at least she thought so. He kept going on about 'fraternization' and worrying about damn near everything in their relationship, especially concerning the physical side, until she was fed up and decided Gene Hunt had something on technique.
"BE QUIET!" She shoved Sam up against the wall of her flat, balling up his shirt in her hands and pushing her fists into his chest. He stared at her in utter shock. "Just shut up, okay? Sam? Just shut up!" She drew her fists back just an inch and punched them forward and it was not much as a fight went, but it left him breathless, and the physical side of their relationship was resolved quickly and passionately on the floor and the couch and in the bathroom for the next two hours. She walked into the office the next day, marched into Hunt's office and simply said 'thank you,' for which he said 'anytime' without even asking why and then told her to get him a cup of tea.
When she got back with the tea she set it down and he looked at her thoughtfully, then shoved a file at her. It was a beating case, something Ray and Chris worked to a dead end, and he was reviewing it. She picked it up uncertainly and he grew impatient, telling her to sit down, damnit, and read the thing. Soon she was sprawled out on the small sofa as he clucked over paperwork and cursed various departmental forms and it was, in some strange, professional CID way, almost domestic. When she was done they sat and talked about the possible perpetrator and the leads they had for nearly twenty minutes. She saw Sam walk into the main room and notice her in with Hunt, and he gave her an encouraging smile over Hunt's shoulder. She kept a straight face at that, and Hunt did not notice the exchange. He finally shooed her out, telling her that he had a man's work to do, and for her to take the file with her.
"You want me to work this, sir?" She stood up quickly.
"No, I want you to wallpaper the ladies loo with it! What do you think, Cartwright?"
"Sorry sir, yes sir. Thank you!" She bounded for the door.
"Jus' don't let Ray find out." He growled after her.
After all the drama with Sam's double life and suspected amnesia – when did her life become a soap opera? – it was nice, when Sam said simply 'I'm staying,' for life to get somewhat normal for a while. Crime did not go away and the CID was busy and the DCI and DI still got into regular tussles more often than not. After one such incident as she clustered with the plonks in the women's room for her own cold wet forehead press, Annie's life started to go haywire, and she did not even see it at first.
"You got to wonder, with those two." Millie said to no one in particular, fixing her hair next to Annie.
"Don't be disgusting, Mil." Sandra walked out with a dirty look thrown over her shoulder and a couple of other girls giggled.
"What you mean, Mil?" Annie asked.
"You see the way they get up on each other. Got to wonder if it's foreplay, yeah?" She smirked.
"Mil! That's Annie's…uh…DI…" Margie tapered off uncertainly, glancing looks between them. Annie was speechless for a second, not because of the indecent accusation, but because it rang true, in a bizarre way. Sam liked it physical, he liked it rough, and she knew that the best way to turn him on was to push him to his knees on the kitchen floor when he was done cooking dinner. When wound up the only way to shut him up was to gut punch him or screw him…and she was hit with the idea that maybe he did not put too much distance between those extremes. But that would make Sam into some kind of pervert, a sick man…maybe he was crazy, but this was too far outside the norm even for him.
"I think I'd know, Mil." Annie said tartly and walked out, dismissing the whole idea in totality.
She was ringside, near the blood. The boxers were battling it out like Roman gladiators and while neither man was handsome, they were both brutally majestic and dangerous. This club was not a familiar one to her, although she knew it well by reputation. She usually went to the fights on the other side of town, where her brother the boxing fanatic knew all the players. That Manchester even had two boxing clubs of any stature was impressive, really, and something they were all proud of. Her brother Aaron boxed and trained for a while, but was sidetracked by his girlfriend's pregnancy and the subsequent marriage although he still got in the ring as a training opponent every once in a while. He invited his baby sister out if it was going to be a particularly good match; by throwing Sam the "visiting family" card she snuck out for her guilty pleasure of watching grown men beat the crap out of each other.
It was, really, not so different from work, when she thought of it that way.
This time her brother dragged her to the other club in town, the one she always avoided because she knew that her co-workers – male cops, the boys, the Guv – went there. She vetted it out carefully earlier, and found out the Guv had a darts tournament, Ray a date, Chris had to help his mother with the ironing (a fact revealed in strictest confidence) and Geoff promised his missus a night at the movies. All in the clear, she met her brother and went out for a good time with the boys.
She loved boxing, for no reason she could explain to Sam, who scornfully condemned the sport as a pointless escapade in testosterone driven senseless violence. That being the whole point of it, of course, so she could not argue. It boiled down to whether you liked that sort of thing or not, and she did. It was a turn on, not quite sexual but intense in some way, and sitting next to her brother and several of his best friends (who were nearly brothers to her in any case, for all the scraps she got into them when they were all kids) she yelled furiously at their favorite. Henry Thomas was an elegant bruiser from their neighborhood and he was really the only reason they made the trip across town for the match. She held her beer and tried not to spill it as round three started getting tight and furious, but it was impossible when her crowd surged as one after their boy got an uppercut in and sent his opponent sprawling. It was not over, not even close, but it was a stunning move to finish the round and they were ecstatic. She slugged her beer just to keep from spilling it and pounded on Frank's chest, laughing, as her brother smacked her on her back. She turned and threw her best right cross into his shoulder and soon they were all brawling, laughing, and yelling, and she was really glad she wore pants and not a skirt. Round four came up to start and they all shuffled back to their seats, and as Frank and Joey picked her up and dropped her into her chair, she looked out and right into the intense green eyes of Gene Hunt.
She froze, kneeling on her chair, until Joey smacked her on the ass to get her to sit. From that point on, it was useless for her to try to keep up with the match. All she could feel was the Guv's eyes boring into her. Realistically, he was watching the match and not her, but in the moment when their eyes locked earlier she was struck by the force of his expression, which was not displeasure and was not anger but certainly was not approval. It was the same look he gave suspects as they walked down the halls, or Sam when he went off on tangents about procedurals: a deep, furious intensity that hid his thoughts but not his threats.
She knew she had a right to be there, and there were other women present, and the Guv was not one to talk to her about off duty pastimes. But she was unnerved by his seeing her there, as if he was now privy to part of her personal life, something he was never supposed to know about, much less watch as she brawled in the aisles with five blokes most of whom were not related to her.
Their boy won, and the festivities began before they got back to their cars, and she tried her best to stay inconspicuous, but there he was, standing on the sidewalk, blocking them like a tank.
"Cartwright."
"Hello, Guv."
Her brother turned to her. "Oi, this is that DCI Hunt you always goin' on about?"
If there was a God, she would be struck down now and spared a life of unending humiliation, but no, and she declared herself an atheist on the spot.
"Seems I am. I 'ave that effect on people. 'Oo are you?"
Panic ran through her blood as she realized he thought she was on a date, cheating on Sam. "No! No no, this is my brotherrrr…really! My brother, Aaron. Aaron, this is my boss, DCI Gene Hunt."
"Brother? So that's what they're callin' it these days?"
Her brother, the boxer who was never one to back down from a fight, wilted. "No sir, really, I am. She's me younger sister. I swear."
"Funny place to take yer sister. You're mum know you're out, Cartwright?"
Annie rolled her eyes. "Yessss Guv, she knows. She put a bet on the match."
That stalled him.
"Really sir, I go all the time! Just to Mayor's Club."
"That rum-soaked hall of rejects? Least you decided to try a real club. Good match."
"Oh yes sir! You see the uppercut in round three?" Annie nodded vigorously and Aaron chimed in.
"Damn good'un! Henry knows how to place 'em…" He trailed off at the look of supreme displeasure on the Guv's face. Their friends moved back instinctively.
"Had a fiver on the other guy," he said, and Annie laughed.
"Well you should know better! Our boy's in top form, yeah? So you lost your bet and that's your own fault." She nodded again and Hunt looked at her queerly.
"I suppose yer right, at that. Next time I'll canvas every bird in the station to see who top pick is."
As usual, she could not really tell if he was joking or not, so she just nodded and tried to smile.
"G'night, Cartwright. You – get your baby sister off the streets." Hunt pointed at her brother, who started stuttering as Hunt turned and walked off into the night. She looked at Aaron and they collapsed in laughter, if for no other reason than they just came out of that exchange alive.
She was on the floor in the collating den again, wondering when her job title changed to 'librarian' or if she was now one of those 'Equal Database Servers' that Sam ranted on about. The door opened and Hunt walked in, smoking, and obviously looking for her.
"Y'hidin'?"
She looked up at him, puzzled. "No sir. Looking for some background on the burglary case for Sam…uh, DI Tyler. I'm sorry, were you looking for me?"
"That's bloody obvious, innit?" He frowned as he pulled up a chair and folded himself into it. She loved the way he sprawled out, as if there was not a piece of furniture in the world big enough to hold him. She turned back to the files spread out around her self-consciously.
He did not speak.
"So what can I do for you, sir?" As soon as she said it, she realized how wrong it sounded and blushed. He grinned for a moment then took a long drag on his cigarette, letting her discomfort sink in. "I mean, you lookin' for a file or something, Sir?"
"The boys get on you." He stated, not asking, just verifying.
"It's a boys club sir, I know that."
"You 'old y'own."
"Sometimes. I grew up with brothers, yeah? I manage." She shrugged, still not looking at him.
"First impressions, Cartwright."
"Sir?"
"Shaking hands. It's important."
"I don't see you shaking many hands sir."
"Everybody knows me, don't they? Who the hell needs a proper introduction to DCI Gene Bloody Brilliant Hunt?" He flashed her a shark-like grin as he crowed.
She laughed. "Guess not, sir."
He paused, appraising her. "Y'can call me Gene. Here." He pointed at the ground. Shocked, she just nodded.
"Yes sir…Gene." She smiled and his eyes twinkled merrily, as if they were sharing some great secret. Not for the first time in the last five minutes, she blushed.
"So. Handshakes. Here." He stuck out his hand, and she stared at it. "Well? Damnit Cartwright you don't leave a bloke's 'and waving in the wind like a div!"
She lurched forward and took his hand, then yelped as he wrung it.
"No good."
"Yes-ssss…Gene." She massaged her fingers.
"Got to be firm, Cartwright, but it isn't a boxcar race. It's a statement: who y'are. Strong. Firm. Dependable. That's a policeman's handshake." He stuck out his hand again and she grabbed it. "Not bad, but stop squeezing, y'not milking a damn cow. Put your thumb here…" He pointed to his knuckles. His hand was large but gentle, and with some shifting of fingers and wrist she got to the point where it felt…different.
"Oh."
"You catchin' on, then. Much different than how a 'lady' shakes yer hand. Don't squeeze!" He pulled his hand back, scowling. Again he stuck his hand out and again she took it and they repeated it for what seemed like forever, until she thought the skin on her palm was peeling off. "Much better. Keep practicing. Not on Sam, he shake's 'ands like a nancy ponce." He got up and walked out without saying another word.
"Thanks…Gene!" She called after him, and as he walked out the door, he turned and winked at her and she thought she now had a good idea of what he looked like when he was a ten year old rascal.
When she got back up to CID, she walked over to Ray and with some limp excuse about thanking him for helping with a case or something – even he looked confused – shook his hand. She knew from the look on his face that it worked, that it was real policeman's handshake, and he was not expecting it from her at all. She did not stop smiling the rest of the day.
Her world finally dropped out from under her the following week. She forgot about Mil's accusation against Sam and Gene for a while, until she stumbled upon one of their fights. It was going on in the stairwell and she was there first; she sometimes went and sat in the stairwell when she needed a quick breather from all the smoke and the stress of the job. It was a very stressful day, in fact, and Sam and Gene tumbled into the stairs yelling at each other one flight down. She looked through the bars down at them. They were standing very close, Gene's hands wrapped around Sam's arms, and the yelling stopped dead. She held her breath, because for all the world, she expected that they were going to kiss.
But they did not. Gene slammed Sam against the wall hard and barreled off, cursing 'procedures' and 'Hyde, while Sam yelled after him. She had no idea what they were saying, her mind was fuzzy from what she just saw. It was unnatural, but yet…it was Sam. Her Sam, in that moment before Gene broke off, looking straight at Gene with the very same damn look he gave her right before they kissed or made out or made love. There was absolutely no mistaking that.
It made her queasy to even think about it. Still, it was a problem now, a real problem, and if she was the last to know, at least she knew for certain. She decided to treat it exactly like a problem, in fact, just as if she was back in university, and pretended that it was a question on a psychology exam. For the rest of the week she watched their interactions and picked up on sexual tension; she observed that Sam sometimes spent too much time staring at Gene across the room; and she saw that when Sam's back was turned, Gene would glare over at him with an intensity usually reserved by lions angling for a wildebeest dinner. It was there, the tension, but the actualization was not. There was nothing of the hidden lovers behavior between them, just a smoldering, aching desire that neither man looked ready to act on. She was relieved on that point, but then was left with the quandary of how she felt about the attraction in the first place. She surprised herself with the realization that she simply did not know, other than the fact she was jealous. That was the easy part to figure out, despite the utter insanity of being jealous of Gene Hunt. It actually would have made more sense for him to hit on her, really that was the way it was supposed to work, except not with Gene Hunt because he was happily married and hitting on Sam.
Sam did not stay over every night so she had time to drag out her psychology textbooks and her very well hidden copy of the Kinsey Report, which all contradicted each other. She thought and thought and realized she was just as contradicted as everything she read. She was taught that homosexuality was immoral; the Kinsey report called it a natural phenomena; the psychology textbooks treated it like a disease; and that was almost the sum total of her own opinions on the topic. Almost, because one night that week she just took the idea to it's natural conclusion, just to know how she felt about it, just to see what her own, unbiased reaction would be. Just an experiment, anyway, so she imagined Sam and the Guv kissing. In Gene's office. On his desk. Rubbing on each other as Sam sometimes did with her on the dinette, and much as she found herself doing on her bed. She kept the idea going along with her hands and by the time she was spent, she had run through some of the nastiest, worst-case fantasies she ever had in her whole life and probably the greatest orgasm ever. Ever.
She thought, afterwards, that if Sam was a disturbed homosexual pervert, at least he was in good company, because in no way were her fantasies 'normal.'
The next day she kept stuttering around Sam, who noticed (of course, the annoying twat) and finally cornered her at lunch in the very public canteen and asked what was going on. She could not give a direct answer.
"Just thinking about things, Sam."
"Am I rubbing off on you, Annie?" Sam smiled and she stared at him, horrified and wondering if he was psychic. "Annie? That was joke? About…thinking too much?"
"Oh! Right, Sam, sure." She smiled and she could tell it was a lame attempt on her part. "It's…can we talk about this outside?"
Sam nodded and they finished lunch in peace because 'outside' was her code for 'later, my place.' That night when they walked through the door she picked up the Kinsey Report and threw it at him. He looked at it, unimpressed, and somewhat confused.
"We trying something new?" He gave her a hopeful grin.
"I don't know, Sam, are you?" She put her hands on her hips and he rallied, defensive, but strong.
"What's goin' on, Annie? You mad at me about something?" He threw the book on the couch, crossing his arms. "Well? 'Cause we could be at the pub right now, relaxing."
"At the pub? Right! Hate to tear you away from the Guv!" She threw a chair out from the dinette set and slammed into it, scowling, wondering when she got so mad about this. Well, she reasoned as he fumbled, it was not that much different from him coming on to another girl. Not really that different. Not much.
"What?"
"You. The Guv." She raised her eyebrows and squinted, putting him on the spot and damn well not going to apologize for it. If someone as dense as WDC Millie Amblehurst could pick up on things, then she decided there was no point in being subtle, especially after what she knew she saw.
He was utterly speechless and stayed that way for a very long time, for Sam. "No."
"That's it? No? All your little love taps on each other every day, staring each other down like kids in the park, and 'no' is the best you can come up with?"
"I…I don't know where you get your ideas, Annie…"
"From seeing you make goo-goo eyes at each other all day!" She yelled, sweeping her arms, and he was struck dumb for the second time that night.
"I don't…I don't…"
"Don't you?"
He rubbed a hand over his mouth and breathed deeply before shaking his head. "No. It's not like that."
"Y'pretend pretty good, Sam." She crossed her arms.
He sat down on the couch. "What do you want me to say?"
"Something like the truth might be a good start."
"The truth is that there is nothing 'going on' between me and the Guv. Truth, yeah?"
"But you've thought about it." She tested him.
"No, of course not." He failed.
Sam could lie when he really needed to, but not when he really cared, and she knew he was lying. Forcing the issue was not working, and she did not know where she was forcing it too anyway, so she decided to try another tactic – because she was a much better liar than Sam Tyler.
"Okay, then, Sam. If you say so."
His shoulders went down and he nearly collapsed with relief. "Yeah, Annie. You believe me?"
"Yeah." She smiled.
He made them dinner, insisting that they just needed to spend the night together, and it was very romantic. He made sure of it. Candles appeared out of nowhere and Annie almost killed herself trying not to laugh at the desperation in his actions. It was sweet how terrified he was of her finding out something she already knew.
Later they were in bed, and there was a nice buildup to it with Sam in top form as seducer. Now he was over her, her legs wrapped around his waist while he pushed in and out of her in a steady, patient fashion. He was meticulous in this as in all things and sometimes she wondered where his passion went at such moments, and then realized hers might not be anywhere nearby either if she could even be thinking about it. She decided now was a good time to put her questionable plan into action, and called up the fantasy she created the other night of the Guv fucking Sam on his desk. It worked, on her at least, and she felt Sam fumble as she started thrusting harder and harder against him and scraping her nails over his back. Her wetness increased accordingly and his cock began swimming in her juices as he picked up pace to keep with her and the heated race continued until she knew they were both on the edge. Now or never, she told herself with the last shred of coherent thought she had. She curled her fingers into his shoulders, her nails nearly piercing his skin as she tensed up to come.
"Oh god, yes…Gene!" She gasped at the moment and then looked up at Sam's shocked expression.
"Gene!?!" Sam was too close to stop and he took off, throwing himself into her as he had not done since their first night on the floor, so hard that they both were grappling at the headboard for support and she thought she could feel the bruises forming on her pelvis as he came, his eyes closed. "Ohhh fuck fuck Gene! Damn!" He collapsed on top of her, gasping.
After a few minutes, as they lay coated in sweat, he looked up at her, terrified.
"I thought so," she said smugly, and giggled.
He bounced back away from her, sitting up on his heels. "You did that on purpose?"
"Yes."
"Bloody...." He got up angrily and headed to the bathroom.
"Hey! I'm the one who should be mad, right?"
"You set me up!" He yelled, furious.
"You were lying to me! I didn' have a choice!"
That stopped him and he stood, naked and sweaty and angry in the middle of the room.
"So where are we, Annie?"
She bit her lip, wondering what she was going to do when this moment arrived, but in the end it was not much of a decision. "In bed?" She smiled.
He walked over and sat on the bed, looking at her. "You know I…care about you."
"But?"
"No, no 'but.' You're my girlfriend, Annie, and my close friend, and I need you as a part of my life. You are one of the reasons I…stayed." He paused and thought slowly and carefully. "I love you."
"I know that." She smiled and stretched out because, despite all this, it really was some of the best sex they had in a while.
He looked at her, exasperated. "So what is this all about?"
"Oh I don't know, Sam. Bein' honest? Maybe about bein' a bit more careful around the office? Everyone see's what's on between you two."
"No!"
"The girls do, Sam, maybe not Ray or Geoff." She laughed, and then felt sorry for him because he really did look appalled.
"How do you feel about it? ….Me?" He asked tentatively, staring into her.
"I…don' know, Sam. I'm a bit conflicted, as the textbooks say. But…" She stopped, and blushed. He caught it and squinted.
"Where I come from…"
"I'm sure men do it on street corners. Right." She rolled her eyes.
He smiled. "Brokeback Mountain." He nearly giggled.
"Where's that?"
"Never mind. Just…I know things are different…here. Jus' don't want you thinkin' that we're not real." He leaned over and grabbed her arms. "I do love you, Annie!"
"I know! And I'm not, you know, runnin' out the door screaming, am I?"
He looked thoughtful at that, as if he was actually surprised that she was not screaming out the door. It was 1974 and he was acting like it was the dark ages.
"No, you aren't."
"Right. So the idea isn't…" She could not continue, because the idea of it, the fantasy of it, was hardly upsetting; but admitting that felt odd.
"Isn't what?"
"Er…well…" She just could not bring herself to admit that kind of fantasy out loud.
"…You're attracted to him?" He sat back, shocked.
"Oh Sam, don't be daft. All the girls are. He's sexy!"
Sam looked at her as if this common knowledge was very uncommon indeed. Men were so dumb. "I'm not sure that is a great comfort to me right now, Annie." Sam tried to make a joke but she waved him off.
"Just…'ow would you feel if I was hittin' on him?"
Sam stopped and she twitched because he did not throw out the heated objection that a boyfriend was supposed to give.
"I'd understand." He shrugged and looked at the blankets, ashamed, and she stared at him.
"So I go up and kiss the Guv tomorrow, you'll just say 'oh, that's fine, maybe we can share'?" She started yelling.
"Calm down, Annie!"
"That's perverted, Sam!"
"No it's not!"
"It sure isn't normal!"
Sam stared at her, hard and cold and she sat back, surprised. "Tell me what normal is, then. I wouldn't know it anymore. My life here is not about being normal, because when I had normal, it was hell, a grey and soulless hell, and that's why I'm here, with you, and with Gene. Because it's not normal, and it doesn't make sense, and if it did I would not have stayed." He stopped and his expression softened. "I don't want us to cheat on each other, I want our relationship to be about trust. You were right, I was lying to you, and you called me out on it. So I won't lie to you anymore, and I won't cheat on you either. This is us, not Gene, and it will never be about Gene here.
"But Annie, I won't sacrifice for normal. I won't give up what's important to me. I'm not real keen on you going in and kissing Gene or anyone, Annie, but if he meant as much to you as he does to me, I'd find a way. Because I love you. If you love me, then you will have to accept me as I am. I'm not changin' or sacrificing any part of my life, least of all the people I love. Not saying…look, it's one thing to want something, but another to take it, and I mean it, this is us, not Gene. I won't cheat on you; but that doesn't change how I feel. If you think that makes me a pervert and you can't handle that, then things are not going to work."
He got up and went into the bathroom, and she heard him start the shower. She thought back to her fantasy about Sam and Gene, and considered it clinically, thinking that it was not very normal either. She could not really shut Sam out for being a pervert if she was one too, actually, and after all he promised that Gene would never come between them. She was not ready to completely accept Sam just as he said he was, but she loved him, and thought that he deserved for her to try.
She got up and joined him in the shower, and they did not talk at all as she made love to him against the tiles and said his name when she came.
There was no real resolution to the matter, then, but she knew that Sam was trying to tone things down for her sake. She noticed that he spent time staying out of the Guv's personal space and not staring over at him, but she also noticed that it was difficult for him. Worse, the Guv sensed it. He was harder on Sam that week than since the first time he walked into CID.
That Sam could be attracted to the Guv was less surprising to her, for some reason, than the Guv returning the feeling. That did not fit with anything she knew about him, but there it was, blazing truth written in scowls and sexual frustration just three desks and a flimsy wall away from her. When she saw that, she understood that it did not matter what she thought she knew, or how she felt, or what Sam said: at some point, it was going to snap between them, and immoral or natural or sick or cheating or not, it would be on.
She knew that Sam did love her, and she was madly in love with him. No use mincing words on that. The end result would be that she and Sam would eventually set up house together and maybe even get married while Sam and the Guv – Gene Hunt – would shag in the damn Cortina on stakeouts. Or something. The very idea of which made her cream her pants to the point that she changed underwear in the women's locker room, thanking god for keeping a spare set on hand, and furious at herself for not being as angry about it as by rights she should be. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.
Fortunately, a new burglary case came in and the Guv sent her down to the collating den to dive for records, and she enjoyed the time away from the testosterone and confusion. Until the Guv walked in.
"Need to talk," He said in his gravelly voice as he stomped in and looked up at her.
"Yepth, thir?"
"You thinkin' of joining the circus?"
She was perched with one foot on the back of a chair and the other resting uncertainly on a shelf, her pen in her mouth and her arms juggling files that were dangerously close to toppling out of her grasp and into the air. She shook her head, and that was enough to unsettle the files. Hunt stepped forward and caught them as they slipped halfway out of her arms, and then slammed them on the ground. He reached back around, grabbed her around the waist, lifted her up, and dropped her just as unceremoniously and the pen fell from her mouth to the floor. Her arms ended up around his neck as she randomly sought out stability, and they were trapped in each other's embrace. She was looking up and he was looking down, and it flashed on her that she had never been this close to him before, and damnation, he was a sexy man. He saw the look, and smiled, and held on for a second too long before pushing her back. Her first thought was if that was what Sam was going up against every day, well then no wonder.
"Uh, you, uh, wanted to talk, sir?" She said uncertainly, dropping to the ground to straighten and gather the files, realizing belatedly that it put her in direct eye contact with his zipper. She gulped and looked down at the files, feeling sweat bloom over face and arms.
He did not answer, just leaned against a shelf and watched her, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it leisurely. The only word that came to her mind then was 'bastard.' He knew the effect he was having on her and was basking in it. Finally she had enough. She stood up so fast it almost made her dizzy.
"Are you here to ask me somethin', sir, or just to watch my arse as I pick up files? I got Ray for that."
That brought him back, and she scored one for the confrontational approach. He pursed his lips.
"What's up with Tyler?"
"And what would you mean by that?"
"You know what I mean. He's not being as damned annoying as usual. Keepin' to himself an' all. Maybe you remember what happened last time he did that?"
"Maybe it's personal." She put her hands on his hips.
"That it? You getting' on him? Just like a bird, shoppin' for rings before 'e pulls out."
She glowered, getting mad. "Maybe it's not me."
"Oi, he playing the field now? That'd be our boy to get all tight arsed about a bit of skirt chasin'…" He said thoughtfully, and amused at the idea of Sam cheating on her.
"Not playing the field just yet, I don't think. You'll be the first to know when he starts." She glared, and understood in the fraction of a second that followed that she just pushed the matter to the wall. No, she just pushed the Guv to the wall, and usually that's when he started punching. It was too late to even panic.
He stared at her, immobile, frozen in her accusation, and unwilling to hit a woman although he looked like he really wanted to try. So he did the next best thing.
It was a hell of kiss, violent and angry and passionate, and if ever in her life Annie was swept off her feet, this was that moment, just like Maureen O'Hara in The Quiet Man. His hands did not roam, he simply clasped her to him as his mouth melted onto hers and their tongues collided. She could not bring herself to clutch back and grabbed his arms for support instead, but her general reaction was obvious even to her. His raw sexuality was powerful and this was a turn on, and by the feel of him against her hip, he was feeling the rush as well. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes, of course, but also salt and vinegar and some tangy flavor of masculinity that she could not name. At the point she decided that she never wanted this to end, she was pushed up against the shelving and he was pointing at her.
"Apology accepted." He snapped and walked out, wiping her lipstick off with his handkerchief. She sat down on the floor and gasped.
Sam did not stand a chance.
Sam stared at her.
"What?" She rolled her eyes.
"Something's bothering you."
Annie put down her pint and looked around at everyone in the pub. The Guv was on the other side of the place, playing darts, and ignoring them.
"Something's bothering the Guv." She stated, and stared at her glass, downhearted. Sam was sitting back, his arms crossed.
"With you? No." Sam shook his head.
"No, you."
Sam shook his head again. "No, he finally beat me up 'as usual' today. No holding back." He smiled, amused.
"He knows you're…avoiding him." She glanced up and then back at her beer.
Sam leaned forward, shocked. For such a brilliant man, he could be outstandingly dense at times, and she shook her head.
"I can't win, can I?" He asked, rhetorically, but she answered in truth.
"Not against 'im, no." Her eyes widened at the memory of the kiss.
"I mean, with you." He leaned in and looked at her in worry.
"You don't need to, Sam, we're not fightin' or anything. It just is."
"I won't do anything to lose you, Annie." He placed his hand over hers, and while they did not do much public display of affection for propriety's sake, she let him this once.
"You know what? I'm not really worried about that." She said it and shrugged.
"Then…what?"
Dense. As a log.
"What's goin' to happen will just happen. I have to accept it, that's all."
"Nothing is going to happen, Annie." He leaned in so he was whispering. "That would be cheating on you. I won't do it. I told you."
"And if you did? What if you just did, Sam? Could you live with yourself then?"
"It won't happen."
She shook her head and smiled, because there was no point in continuing the conversation. She motioned Nelson over and ordered them another round. She knew that Sam would tear himself apart for cheating on her, no matter how inevitable it was. He would probably end up leaving her because he would believe he did not deserve her anymore. God knows what else.
She sighed, and he hovered around her, trying to reassure her, and failing miserably, because unlike Sam, she could not pretend that life was any different than it was. It was all mixed up and confusing and even now, sitting at the pub with Sam leaning into her, the fantasy of him and Gene together was making her skin flush. And Gene's kiss, and Gene himself, and finally she pushed Sam off and told him to go talk to Chris or something and let a girl breathe. She sat at the bar, trying to put herself back together as Sam watched her like a hawk, worry splattered over his face.
"Ay wot the matter, Girl?" Nelson looked at her.
"Nelson…can you…can you be in love with two people at the same time?" She whispered. He leaned over the counter and whispered back.
"Surrrrre! But can you get them to love you back at the same time, yeah? Always the problem, there." He nodded as if it were the most normal question in world and walked off to fill another mug.
She meant the question to be about Sam, wondering if Sam could love both her and the Guv, as weird as that sounded. But the way Nelson answered was to her, directly, as if he saw something going on there. She shook her head, because after all she was in love with Sam. There was nothing going on between her and Gene Hunt, not in any way, and as she thought about it, she wondered if his recent interest in her -- teaching her how to shake hands, wanting to talk to her about cases and about Sam, that kiss -- was some kind of ploy to get at Sam, to make Sam jealous or to test her or…something. The idea that Gene was just using her hurt deeply, but she decided then and there that she was going to be damned before she let that happen. If Sam was going down that path, then it would be on her terms, not the Guv's. Or not at all.
She managed to let things get back to normal for a while. Sort of. The tension with Sam and the Guv remained high and Sam was going out of his way to make it worse with his usual fine shades of misunderstanding of human nature. He was crack on at unweaving the mentality of criminals, the psychotic, and children, but when it came to sexually frustrated superior officers he was as handy as a dog with a wrench. Annie cringed and tried to suggest things but it all usually boiled down to punches in the gut from the Guv. Admittedly, their sex life was only enhanced if anything, with their mutual frustrations feeding into a hard-edged, passionate lust. It killed her that their sex life took off like a rocket as everything else unraveled. She kept her cool, though, and Sam kept to himself on the subject of Gene, and they both pretended that nothing was wrong. There was work to do, anyway, and a social life to maintain – if anyone in CID could be accused of a social life at all.
They were at the pub. It turned into a lock-in and Annie sat by the window as Sam and the Guv bonded at the bar. She loved these moments, feeling like a part of the team but independent, able to listen in or walk off as she pleased, and knowing that Sam would be in her bed in the end. For a change, it was a night of peaceful interactions and familiar roles and everyone was feeling friendly, although Gene was beyond drunk. Everyone noticed he was more on edge lately, and Annie wondered, as he nearly drooled on the bar trying to talk to Sam, if it had something to do with repressed sexual tension. With her boyfriend. She shook her head.
"Christ, Gene, you're pissed." Sam laughed.
"Not."
"Are."
"'Nother." Gene pointed at his glass.
"No, we're taking you 'ome, Gene. Com'on." Sam peeled him off the bar as Nelson gently removed the glass from out of Gene's reach. Annie grabbed her bag and walked over to help.
"Oi you two love birds go get some necking in, I'll just lie down 'ere." He pointed at some indeterminate place in the corner, and Sam laughed.
"No, com'on."
It was push-me pull-you all the way out the door and Annie did not understand the delicacy of her own predicament until she and Sam were manhandling Gene down the sidewalk.
"Strong girl. You'll go far…." Gene bubbled.
"Thank you…ergh…sir…" She shifted as he leaned into her.
"Great lips, too, yeah, Sam?"
She dropped him and the two men went down like dominoes. Sam was cursing and Gene was laughing so hard he could not speak.
"What?" Sam asked, trying to pull Gene back up. Belatedly, Annie remembered she was there to help.
"Nothing, Sam, he's just pissed." She reached out and yanked and they soon had Gene back on his feet, giggling like a school boy.
"I do not kiss the plonks!" Gene roared, startling them both.
"Yeah, Gene, we know. You're a paragon of virtue, okay? Don't think the whole block cares…" Sam grumbled.
"Because Constable Flash Knickers 'ere is NOT a plonk!"
Annie rolled her eyes and hoped the logic would roll off of Sam, but when you really needed him to be dense, he was sharp as a tack.
"You do not get to kiss Annie, Guv."
"Already been there, yeah?" Gene pushed Sam off and pulled Annie into his arms, smiling at her, before letting go and stumbling into a wall. Sam turned on her.
"What is he talking about?"
"Nothing, Sam, just forget it. He's pissed." She waved her hands unhelpfully.
"Round two."
Annie felt a hand shoot out and grab her, and she was right back into the kiss, as if the days since had not happened, as if Gene was not pissed, and as if Sam was not standing right there watching. It was as glorious as she remembered, and this time, one hand locked on the back of her head, holding her still, as his tongue pushed into her, fevered and desperate. She waited a second too long before remembering that she was not supposed to like it, and pushed off from him with something resembling anger.
Sam was staring between them.
"No worries, Sam. Between friends." Gene stood up and shrugged and tried walking off, smiling as if nothing had happened, which for him it probably had not.
"Annie…" Sam lowered his head angrily.
"Can we just get him off the street? Then we'll talk about it." Annie pointed at where Gene was trying to scratch the paint of his Cortina.
"No driving. We're going to my flat."
"NO that dump with the uncomfortable chair!" Gene shoved him off, but not gracefully or effectively, and twenty minutes later they were wrestling him out of his jacket and trying not to have the bed collapse under him. He was out before he was down, and Sam and Annie sat on the floor gasping in exhaustion.
"So?" Sam turned to her.
"He kissed me in collating."
"WHAT?" Sam yelled.
"It…it was my fault…no! I don't mean like that…I never came on to him, Sam, I swear. He was worried about you and I said something to make him mad and instead of hitting me he…"
"Instead of hitting you? What did you say to him?" Sam looked appalled.
"Sammmmm…" Annie groaned and laid down on the floor. Sam looked at her and she realized that he was not as mad as he was trying to be. "What?"
Suddenly he was on top of her, on the dingy and questionably clean floor of his flat with DCI Hunt passed out on his bed. He kissed her hard and she knew she probably tasted somewhat of the Guv from his own deep-mouth attack earlier and that only charged Sam up more. Clothes were stripped off while the lip lock kept going and soon they were laying on their clothes rutting naked like naughty teenagers. They were angled away from the bed a little and Sam was on top. He broke their kiss when his cock entered her, one of his hands between them, pressing against her clit as he smashed into a heavy rhythm. He bent down and bit her collar bone, sure to leave a mark but too late for her to object, and she was too far gone to care, scrabbling at his back and curling up in ecstasy and staring right into Gene Hunt's deep, green eyes. She gasped but Sam only took it as pleasure and kept on, oblivious.
Gene was fully awake, his eyes flicking back and forth between her face and Sam's back, and she registered that he was moving, his arm was moving, and he was getting himself off watching them. She groaned, confused and frustrated and angry at Gene. Again Sam misread it and sucked on her skin in encouragement. Gene's eyes were glossed in pleasure. He raked his eyes over Sam, every inch of him, and then back up Annie's body under Sam until they were locked on each other's faces. She just stared as Sam started whining and crying out as he built himself up, straining for release, unable to hear the springs of the bed creaking behind them. Gene was working furiously, trying to get himself over before Sam, biting his lower lip and blinking, watching them both. She reached out a hand to him, desperate for his touch, remembering the heat of his skin, finally too wrapped up between Sam's urgent thrusting and Gene's impassioned, fierce gaze to feel anything but incredibly turned on. Gene did not move but looked straight at her as he came, tensing up, blood trickling down his lip from where he broke skin, his eyes dilated and glazed. He was beautiful and she wanted him, even as Sam was pumping into her furiously, and she stopped trying to understand it.
"Gene…" She whispered, but Sam heard her, and it was over.
"Fuck! Gene! Damnit Annie! Gene!" He sounded both frustrated and turned on and plowed into her so hard that he shoved her across the floor as he came.
When she could look at Gene again his eyes were closed and there were small, subtle movements indicating that he was packing himself back up. She knew that by the time Sam recovered, Gene Hunt would look for all the world as if he were still passed out.
"Annie." Sam finally said quietly, pressing his forehead into her shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"Stop doing that, please. It's not helping matters."
She nodded, deciding that there was no way to explain to him that this time, she did not plan it. She went for a change of topic instead. "…So why you start this anyway?"
He was silent for a second, tensing up.
"I won't get mad, promise." She rubbed his back.
He leaned into her ear, as if whispering a dirty secret. "I really liked watching Gene kiss you."
She laughed. "If only you knew."
"Thank god he's passed out. I'd never live this down."
Annie just nodded, knowing that anything she tried to say to that would be a visible, tell-tale lie. And she suspected that Gene Hunt, the clever bastard, was listening in.
She had a hard time not spending the next few days in a permanent blush, which was duly noted by every bastard in the building. Assuming Sam achieved 'legendary prowess' status, they laid the jokes on thick and racy and were not put down until the Guv heard one, and then chewed everyone out indiscriminately for spending more time harassing each other than doing their jobs. Annie secretly wondered if that was his way of coming to her defense. But then, he would: she was his toy in this game as much as Sam. That only added anger to the blush and things went from bad to worse.
Sam was no better, blushing and stuttering with her as much as she was around the Guv. Even Phyllis noted it and told her to start picking out rings. Annie just shook her head. The problem was, Sam was outclassed in this and did not know it. He was so unimaginably innocent sometimes, believing that people played by rules that no one ever invented. DCI Hunt was a big game hunter and whatever he set his sights on, he would bag, and Annie knew it. Her cross to bear was accepting that for Sam's sake, or breaking up with Sam, for Sam's sake.
It was three days before Annie felt the strength to bring up the issue again. They were in bed, spent and relaxed and Sam was, for once, calm and content.
"Sam?"
"Yes?"
"I see what's going on, you know. With you and the Guv."
He froze.
"Sam?"
"What are you saying?"
"Just…"
Sam let go. "You don't trust me."
"I just think…some things are unavoidable."
"Me and Gene? You'd think I'd have a say so in that." He said angrily, sitting up.
"Not really. I see how you are…how he is. How do you think I know, Sam? I saw it. Right before he kissed me. He was helping me down off a chair, and there he was, in my face and it was…" She trailed off.
"…electric." Sam sighed and put his face in his hands.
"Yeah."
"God, Annie, I never…this isn't the way it was supposed to be."
Annie shook her head. "But it's the way it is, isn't it? And that's what you always have the most problems with, accepting things. Just as they are. I love you – and that's how it is. He…wants you, and you want him, and that's how it is." She pushed up to sit next to him.
He turned to look at her. "Can you accept that? Really, Annie, can you?"
"I….I don't know. Honestly, I don't."
"So what am I supposed to do?"
It was not the first time he turned to her for help, but it was the first time she knew she would regret her answer.
"Whatever feels right."
It was her blessing, and neither of them was happy about it.
It was a week to the day. She knew by the way Gene walked into his office after one of their fights in the Lost and Found. He was not flustered or angry, and although nothing he did was out of sync with what he always did, the coiling beast in him was gone. She knew.
Sam turned up some time later, still flushed and bouncy. She knew that Sam, the one only she ever saw before, the post-sex-happy Sam, pleased with himself and everything about life. Here he was on display, even as he was consciously trying to play it down. No one else seemed to notice, but few people (in that room, at least) spent as much time watching those men as she did. When Sam looked over at her, it was with a bizarre mixture of glee and shame, and she did not respond. She was not sure, just yet, how she felt about it, even if it was in some strange way her idea. She wanted to support Sam and tell him it was okay, but she was not certain that it was okay. She just was…unsure.
That night Sam steered them away from the pub and to her flat. He sat her down at the dinette and she waited for the inevitable 'let's talk about it' because no one was more of a girl than her very own ponce, Sam Tyler.
"You know."
She nodded.
"Annie…" He wrung his hands.
"I told you, do whatever feels right."
He gave her a goofy smile, then looked dejected. He was the master of 180 degree mood swings.
"I just…it hurts knowing you want to be with him more than me, Sam. I know! I know you love me but, you know, a girl wants to feel special...I don't know." She looked off.
"Marry me."
She stood up, furious. "Don't you dare! Don't put that out just to make this right!"
"No, that's not…Annie…I'm bad at this, aren't I?"
"Yes!" She stomped off to the bedroom just to go somewhere else. He followed and leaned against the door frame, staring at her as she took off her shoes and sat down. "I don't know if I can handle this, Sam. I'm willing to try, because I do love you, and I believe that you love me, and I don't know what normal is anymore either. Doesn't mean I'll be happy with all of it."
He looked up at the ceiling. "And if I told you it would never happen again?"
She just shook her head, weary and frustrated with Sam's inability to accept reality. He came over and sat down next to her.
"I don't want him more than I want you. I just…can't stop it. I need him, I told you that, I'm being honest and I promised I would. But I need you, too…please let me stay."
She shrugged. He wrapped her in his arms and they did not make love that night, but he did not leave.
"What, Guv?" Annie said, not looking up from the files. She was in the collating den again and again, he sought her out. "And don't try to kiss me, you clever bastard."
"If I didn' know any better, I might say that's insubordination." He leaned against the shelves.
She growled. "You got what you wanted. So can you just leave it at that? Can we just keep to work?"
He pursed his lips and she thought she saw something odd flash in his eyes, something that reminded her more of Sam than DCI Gene Hunt. Then he turned and left, and she realized that was the most brilliant move he could have made, because now she was dying to know what the son of a bitch intended to say in the first place.
Surveillance. It was not a new idea, but her interpretation of it was. She desperately needed to see them together, to see in Sam eyes how he felt, or at least she was pretty certain that was why she was doing it. He would not tell her, she knew that, because he was at the point now of avoiding even saying the Guv's name in her presence. She decided that the only way to genuinely gauge the danger to her relationship with Sam was to know how serious it was with Gene. She started tracking them, watching their fights, where they went and how long they lasted. Rarely, the men's room, at least not for anything over a couple of minutes and never for sex, as far as she could tell. More common, Lost and Found, and sometimes when they really needed privacy, the basement. That last was a hard find, because when Gene threw Sam into the lift people usually assumed they were simply leaving the building. It was a spur of the moment dash down the stairs for her to find out that they were still in the building, and where else could they go? The basement, a maze of storage and archives and old furniture. She kept tracking for several weeks and learned to recognize the signs of a basement rendezvous, the extra ratcheting of tension brought on by a difficult case and always after at least two days of abstinence between her and Sam. She saw, and she planned, and finally all the pieces were in place and as Gene dragged Sam into the elevator and the doors closed, Annie disappeared from CID without even a ghost of a trace, hammering down the stairs to beat the fortunately slow and creaky elevator.
They stumbled into the basement, hitting a light switch that only threw on half the overheads and sent creepy shadows everywhere. The fight was gone, and they were not even talking, just wrestling, pulling off each other's jackets as they mashed into a kiss of epic proportions. She was behind shelves and frozen, scared to death of Gene finding her there, knowing there was no reason for her to be there except to spy on them. Her view was accordingly blocked, but as the men sank onto each other, she knew they were oblivious.
They were fighting at each other's trousers, no less violent than when shoving each other down the hall, unbuckling and unzipping like men on speed as they kissed, all tongue and hard gasps. Finally they were free and she tried not to make a sound as she saw Sam's elegant fingers wrap around both cocks, massaging them in a crazy, slow counterpoint to the fury of their mouths. Gene's arms flew around Sam's waist then, pulling him close, as the kissing finally slowed to match the pace of Sam's hand. Gene broke off and threw his head back, groaning, and Annie's body flushed with passion for that noise, for Gene, and she willed herself to back down, to just watch, and to just watch Sam.
"Sam…" Gene moved one hand to his shoulder and pushed, and she reeled in shock as she realized what was happening. She did not go down on Sam often, not really understanding the allure, but she saw it now as Sam fell to his knees in greedy passion. It was a fiery look in his eyes as he teased his mouth around the tip of Gene's cock, and she stopped at the thought that she was gazing at her DCI's dick. Or, more accurately, her DCI's dick sliding into her boyfriend's mouth. She put a hand up to keep herself quiet.
Sam worked like an expert, pulling and sucking and teasing, and running one hand over Gene's ball sac and further back, something Annie never thought about before. A portion of her liberated, forward thinking mind thought that lessons on this for women might be helpful, actually, because as she watched she really wanted to do this to Sam, to have him making the same delirious noises Gene was. Sam's other hand was pressed against his hips, holding his thrusts back as they gained power and speed, and soon Gene was just fucking Sam's mouth, groaning and gasping as drool spilled out of the corners of Sam's lips and Sam gazed up at him. When Gene saw that, Sam's expression, he came, grunting hard, nearly breaking the desk edge he was holding onto, and Sam…swallowed.
They were still for a moment, then Sam carefully put Gene back together like a mother hen, lovingly and slowly, cleaning him with his own mouth. It was outstandingly erotic and she needed to sit down, but they were not done. Gene pulled Sam up forcefully and spun him around, locking one arm around his waist and pulling his back into his chest. Gene lowered his head next to Sam's ear and whispered and Sam groaned. Gene's other hand snaked around and took hold of Sam's cock and began getting him off, stroking hard as he kept whispering and Sam let out low, whimpering moans. He did not last long and he jerked hard in Gene's fierce hold, calling out Gene's name, clawing at the arms holding him. They left almost instantly, not saying anything, only Sam running a hand softly over Gene's arm as he passed him out the door. Gene shut off the lights, leaving Annie alone in the basement to cry through her passion and desperation and confusion.
That night she went down on Sam, and if he was surprised at her timing at learning how to explore him with her tongue and fingers or that she finally figured out how to swallow, he did not manage to put it together. He just came hard, crying out her name, pulsing with the same energy that Gene gave to him earlier, and she felt like she should go thank Gene again for pointers but she did not dare pursue the thought. Then Sam pulled her up and turned her back to him and wrapped a wiry, strong arm around her waist and used his other hand to get her off, replaying exactly what Gene had done to him earlier without seeming to be conscious of it at all.
She wondered where Gene Hunt ended and they began.
Gene bumped into her, twice. No, three times. The murder was pretty straightforward, tragic as these things get with a jealous, brokenhearted young man and a pretty, dead girl on the floor. The boy broke as soon as he was taken into custody and it was mostly paperwork at this point, but when they were at the murder scene earlier and trying to piece it together, Gene bumped into her. Just trying to get by in the hall, or trying to look at something behind her, or not seeing her as he walked through the door; but Gene never bumped into anyone, for any reason, unless it was on purpose.
Gene stared at her in the office. Not the way he did Sam or, well, anyone else that she could tell, but as she focused on her typewriter and that loathsome carbon paper she felt his gaze on her like a hot spotlight. She finally glanced up and he did not look away or try to cover or react as anyone else would do, he just sat smoking and staring and looking mostly displeased. She ducked back into her workload, and did not look up again.
Gene kissed Sam for her. She did not realize it at first, no way she could have known. She was at her usual perch one flight up in the stairwell, which was not a secret hideaway because the stairs were still used just often enough that everyone knew where to find her when she disappeared. She heard the fight before they got there and Gene threw Sam into the stairwell one flight down from her, arguing. Then they froze, and she realized they were listening to hear for anyone on the stairs. She went to move when Gene slammed forward and kissed Sam, a deeply passionate, slow kiss that seemed to shock Sam, who did not close his eyes and barely reacted at all. Gene kept his hands on Sam's chest, pushing him against the wall but making no sexual overtures, just kissing him, moving his head slightly and gently until Sam gave up waiting for the frenzied attack and closed his eyes in pleasure and held Gene to him. Finally Gene stepped back and Sam looked genuinely dazed, staring forward, his hands still on Gene. Gene kissed him on the forehead and murmured something and then pushed Sam towards the door, sending him out, while he stayed behind and pulled out a cigarette. He did not light it, only looked up the stairwell directly at her, expressionless, and she knew she was flushed and she knew she was turned on and she knew that he saw it. He nodded and left.
She did not understand any of this, and it was driving her crazy.
"Sam?"
He looked up from his plate. They were at her place, where he fixed up a late night snack after coming home from the pub. She knew without a doubt that at some point during the day, he and Guv hooked up and it infuriated her, and she thought it was because she was jealous but she was not certain enough of that to lay it out. She should be jealous, but mostly, she was just confused, because the memory of watching them together haunted her in all the wrong ways and somehow it answered none of the questions she thought it would. Gene's behavior was a mystery to her at this point, at a time when everything should be crystal clear and laid out in block lettering, and she decided to force Sam into talking about it, hoping for some kind of clue as to where she stood.
"Tell me. What it's like with 'im."
Sam froze with the fork halfway to his mouth.
"I'd like to know."
"Why?" He lowered the fork, thinking furiously.
"I want to be a part of your life, Sam. A part of everything in your life. I love working with you and we work well together. I love being with you after work, at the pub, and here, eating at the table. And I know there are times when we have to be apart but even then we don't cut each other out. We talk about the stakeouts or the hours spend in the collating den and…everything. Everything but this. And when you shut me out…I wonder what is going on."
He thought about that a long time. "You might not like it."
"You might be surprised." She grinned and he finally laughed.
"I don't know where to start."
"The first time."
He blinked. "Begin at the beginning?" He laughed again and she smiled. "We were fighting in the Lost and Found…what case? Torvolds, I think? I think…"
"Doesn't matter, Sam." Annie shook her head, exasperated already, and started eating again.
He nodded, complying. "Right. So. He hit me, stomach punch, nothing more than he normally does and then…" He stalled.
"I want to know." She took another bite, trying to make this all as normal as possible.
"We were just leaning into each other. I was yelling something…"
"About procedure?"
"Right." He smiled and crooked his head. "And then…we were…kissing." He stopped and stared at her to gauge her reaction, but she just nodded and kept eating. "Soooo…we kissed for a while. I think you know how that feels."
"Sam…"
"Right!" He took a bite of food. "This is embarrassing. Can I just say, 'we did it'?"
"No." She was beginning to understand the evil joy that the Guv took in pining Sam to the wall. He was adorable when he squirmed.
"Can we not have this discussion at the dinner table?"
She sat back and nodded, and they got up as one and went into the bed room. They laid down on the bed, fully clothed, but not touching. She was on her back and he was on his side, propped up on one elbow.
"Better?"
"No. But I suppose this is as good as I'm going to get?"
"Yes." She nodded curtly.
"Okay. There we were. Kissing."
"You kiss him?"
"It kind of happened at the same time, as I remember."
"Hmm."
"And it was over. Jus' like that. All the tension, all the expectation, all the fear…I thought he'd kill me, but he just kept going. We did not get undressed, too pressed for time and…"
"That's it? A bit of kissing? The Guv looked more relaxed than that when he came out of the room."
He grimaced and laid down on his back next to her. "You don't miss anything."
"I'm a detective, Inspector."
"Clearly the biggest mistake of my life." He laughed when she thwacked him with her hand. "No, there was more. It was just…hand jobs. That's it."
"Not very descriptive."
"You want the movie?"
"Just saying that's no way to peak a girl's interest."
He finally, finally, woke up to what was happening. "Oh."
He rolled back onto his side and leaned in next to her, pushing their bodies together, and put his mouth down by her ear. "I got him first. He had me up against the wall, and I ran my hands down his chest. I don't know how you girls do it…damn zippers…" He laughed softly and his warm breath ran along her nerves. He put his hand on her waist, on top of her clothes. "I got him out. He grunts a lot. I…wrapped my hand around his cock." He stopped to judge her reaction to the language, and she wished he would stop thinking so much because it was just now starting to get good. He gently ran a couple fingers under her waistband. "He's thick. He was so damn hard, it was unbelievable, and hot…jesus he was so hot to hold…" He licked her ear, lost in memories, and ran his hand under her pants. She whimpered and rolled her hips into his hand as it rested against her clit. She was already sopping wet and there was no way he did not notice that. "I just jerked him off, hard, and I thought his hips would break me, the man bucks like a fucking wild bull. He just kept saying my name over and over…god only knows how long he's waited for that, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't remember the first time he looked at me like that. But it was there, Annie, right then, his cock in my hand and I got him off hard and fast and when he came he threw his head back and I thought he'd yell but he just groaned and I barely heard him but my hand was covered..."
Words were spilling out of him faster than she ever believed even he could talk and Sam's hand was moving against her. She could feel his erection pressing into her and they both knew where they were at. He got her off as he crawled over her and they ended up on the floor, somehow, with her on top. He described the incredible sensation of being jerked off by his DCI as she rode him, both of them worked into a white hot frenzy. Neither one said Gene's name, but for all that, he might as well have been in the room with them, and Annie finally understood what was wrong.
"No, Sam, it won't work."
Sam, panic stricken, was grabbing at her, trying to drag her back over the threshold of the door back into his flat. She chose this place because she knew she could walk out, while getting Sam out of her own place would have required a sledgehammer. Here, she was in control, and she was doing what had to be done, and it had taken her over a week to work up to it. Their sex life was dependant on Gene, now, curving around what Gene did to Sam and what Sam told her about them, and Sam sat with Gene at the pub and flew out the door to chase down leads with Gene and it was all about the older man, and nothing was about her anymore. Sam promised that Gene would not come between them, but they both put him there, and normal or not, it destroyed everything.
"No, Annie, you don't understand…"
"You're right, Sam! I don't! But that don't matter, can't you see that? You get everything you need from him, nowt from me." She shoved him back but he still had a hold on her blouse. "Y'don need me! Neither of you!" She shouted, and Sam let go in shock. She grabbed the advantage and stomped off. She heard him call her name, but he did not follow, and while some part of her broke apart knowing that he was not going to chase after her, it was after all exactly how she expected the whole matter to go down.
Badly.
Sam was a wreck, and he tried to behave professionally at work about it, but mostly picked fights with Gene that left them both bloody. She was not much better and when Ray made some remark about her tits for the sixtieth time that week, she hurled her coffee mug at him with enough speed and drive that it broke against his head, drawing blood from a small cut. This impressed everyone but Sam, and several people ended up buying her two rounds that night, including a good natured Ray, celebrating her 'brass balls.' Ironically, it was only as her personal life melted around her like hot wax that she was finally being brought into the inner circle of the CID 'brotherhood' and accepted as one of their own.
The only person unfazed was Gene. He watched, coldly, as Sam unraveled, and he beat him senseless on cue but he did not appear too wound up in the drama. She caught Gene looking at her at times, but he was like a sphinx and she did not dare approach him about anything other than very specific work related matters. She wondered what Sam told him about what was going on, and their breakup, but it was idle musings. Looking for long at either man nearly broke her and she solved that problem by looking at paperwork as much as possible.
She was in the collating den. It was late in the day and she had not found the file requested by Gene four hours earlier. Tired and nearly cross-eyed she leaned her head against one of the metal shelves' edges and tilted her forehead over it, back and forth, cooling herself.
She heard Gene walked in, again, but it was nothing like the day not so long ago when he taught her how to shake hands, even though the opening moves were all the same.
"'Ad enough, Cartwright. Day's over."
She turned around to see him in his coat and gloves, arms crossed, inspecting her.
"I didn' find the file, sir." She said, and it was almost a normal conversation.
"No, I suppose you didn't, or you'd be down at the pub with the rest of the boys."
She blinked, mildly amused at being considered 'one of the boys.' "Oh."
"You need a lift, then. Come on."
It was not a question, it was an order, and she barely made it to the door before he shut off the lights as he left. He waited long enough for her to grab her purse from her desk and then sailed on, an unstoppable force in search of a brown Cortina. She was still trying to shrug into her heavy coat as she stumbled out the front door, lagging, Phyllis laughing at her.
This was another of his clever bastard games and she knew it, but lacking any clue as to the purpose, she was stumped for a course of action. She broke up with Sam; what more did Gene need from her, than that?
"I hear you broke up with Gladys."
"Sam. Yes. I'm sure he told you…everything, sir."
"Nowt said a damn word about it." Gene answered tersely, staring at the road.
She looked at him in shock. "But…I mean, he didn't tell you?"
"Any particular reason he might?"
She squinted and glared at the road, wondering if he really took her for a fool. "I should think so, you're shagging him enough." She spat it out and the car skid and spun to a stop in the middle of the road. He looked at her, and for all she thought with certainty that this would be first time that Gene actually hit her, he just bored holes into her with his eyes.
"You got any idea what yer sayin'?"
"I'm not out to ruin you, Guv! I don't care…I mean I do care, but it's not my business, is it? You're my DCI and Sam's my DI and that's it. That's all I need." She crossed her arms.
He turned in his seat to look at her. "That all?"
"What do you want from me?" She yelled and slammed herself against the seat in frustration, then realized there was no reason for her to be there at all. She yanked the door open and got out. She heard him behind her, and was not surprised when he grabbed her and spun her so that she bounced against the bonnet. He stood in front of her and crossed his arms and she leaned back, defeated. There was no escaping him.
"What 'appened?" He asked quietly, but his demeanor was still rigid and intimidating.
"What do you think, Gene? He's…" She lowered her voice and looked around nervously. "He's in love with you. He doesn't need me. No one needs me…I broke up with him last weekend." She shuddered as she breathed, refusing to cry now. This was her boss and it was Gene Hunt but it was also the bastard who broke up one of the best things that ever happened to her and she was not going to give him any satisfaction in that.
She finally looked up and was surprised to find him angry, rather than the amused smirk she expected. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and he stepped forward, pointing at her, nearly poking her.
"You don't know where you're needed, Cartwright, and I thought you a smarter bird than that."
"It's called cheating, Guv. Sam was cheating on me. With you!" She hissed, keeping her voice low, and refusing to back down. "A smart girl breaks up with cheating bastards and lets them dig their own graves!"
He stepped back as if he had been slapped, which was not quite what she expected, and then it hit her: if Sam cheated on her, then was it any less true that Gene Hunt was cheating on his own wife? Which naturally made everything right then much worse, because she just called him out on adultery, when she did not mean to do any kind of a thing, at least not to him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She looked desperately around.
"I think you did." His eyes narrowed, and in his crosshairs she was at the point of fight or flight. She figured for all that Gene Hunt had taught her about Sam (for all the good it did her in the end) it could be that Sam taught her something about Gene Hunt.
"Maybe I did at that, Guv." As she said it she stepped forward and threw her fist into his gut, as hard as she could, just the way her brother taught her, with the full understanding that Gene might not feel it at all. She was lucky on that shot, because he was not expecting it, and he leaned into the pain, surprised for the briefest moment, before striking back. He backhanded her into the car and she rolled to the ground in shock. He bent over to pick her up but she kicked, one thing she knew she had some power behind, and hit the side of his knee and he went down almost on top of her. Bad tactics on her part, and she cursed as she tried to shove a hand into his face and only got pushed down herself. Then it was a wrestling match almost underneath the car but she was outclassed and she knew it, finally giving up when he started dragging her and she feared for her face. He half carried and half dragged her around to the passenger side and threw her in, and in the rush of adrenaline she started laughing like an idiot.
He got into the driver's side and she realized that at some point, she actually hurt him, because there was a small trickle of blood running down the side of his face. She only started laughing harder. He threw the car into reverse and parked it properly, sort of, but at least it was not sitting sideways in the middle of the street. Finally he looked at her, as she gasped for air and the rush started to fade and she thought that tomorrow, they would find her body floating in the canal.
Instead, he was smiling, and she did not know what to do other than smile back.
"Glad we cleared the air on that, Cartwright. Now. Home." He shoved the car into gear and she grabbed for purchase as they flew down the roads to her flat, and they never said another word as she got out and went home. The motor gunned behind her as she walked up to the door of the building, and she did not hear it pull away because she was well inside before then. She collapsed against her door, smiling, the smell of Gene Hunt still on her clothes.
The next day was a bruiser, literally. When she walked in, Phyllis ran to her like a panic stricken mother hen, crying over her bruised face. Gene's backhand and her subsequent fall to the ground roughed her up harder than she realized at the time, and she was running through proper excuses in her brain as she went through the doors, knowing the firestorm that would follow because makeup cannot hide everything.
"God, honey, what happened?" Phyllis cried, turning her head this way and that as they stood by the front desk.
"The Guv and I had a bit of a disagreement." She said it without thinking, all of her convenient fabrications falling to the floor. There was not a man in CID who would lie about mixing it up with the Guv, and by god, kiss or no kiss, she was not going to be the one to start. Phyllis pulled back in horror, and Annie straightened herself. "Don't worry, Phyllis, I got a lick or two in myself." She said it proudly, which did nothing to strike the appalled looks off the faces of everyone in the lobby.
"Don't get your panties flyin' in victory, Flash Knickers, you barely made a dent." The Guv stalked in grumbling, but his evident pride washed over her like a balm, especially when she realized that her scratch to his face required a small bandage. It was not much, but it was her mark, and she grinned as she felt herself being dragged by her coat to the lift. "And y'not getting out of work for it, so no time to socialize." The lift filled with a few others, who all stood uncertainly near the walls, clearly terrified beyond reason of a man who was willing to hit a woman.
When they walked into CID, the Guv made no pretense as to the cause of her bruises or his cut, and yelled out that they better know how to fight better than a bird if they planned to take him on, because now he was in practice. It was rather silly but he made it sound terrible and everyone looked at her in awe as he slammed into his office angrily. It was her best day in CID yet, at least for thirty minutes until Sam walked in. He stopped dead, staring at her, and Chris eagerly bounced up to tell him who gave her the knocks. Sam kicked furniture on the way into Gene's office. She debated following him but the decision was made for her as the two men crashed out in a clutch. The Guv hauled Sam all the way out and they barreled into Lost and Found, and she suspected not for a good time. Everyone could hear things smashing and she winced. She knew the Guv held back his power on her and even then she was nearly knocked senseless, so she could not imagine what Sam was going through until she saw him walk out. He looked beat to hell.
"Right then, any more progressive social commentary?" Gene stood with his hands on his hips, staring everyone down. Sam sat at his desk, wincing, and still furious. Gene marched back into his office and a very odd chill settled in the room. She squirmed for a second and got up.
"Here, let's go clean you up." She said as she stood next to Sam's desk. He looked at her darkly, but got up, and they went down the hall to the locker room.
"I can't believe he laid a hand on you, Annie. You got to file a complaint." Sam pleaded as she dabbed at the small cuts on his chin.
"Oh no. I hit him first."
Sam stared at her.
"You're not the only one to get mad at the Guv, Sam. We were fightin' an' I hit him. Just let it go."
He stopped talking for a few moments, then grabbed her hand. "Annie, what were you fighting about? With him?"
She looked around, but they were alone, and they both knew it. "You. I guess. He said you hadn't told him that we broke up."
"Not his business." Sam snapped.
Annie threw her hands up. "I don't get it! At all! What…"
"Cartwright!" The name was bellowed down the hall and Annie rolled her eyes. She handed the damp towel back to Sam and walked out.
"I guess I'm not the only one," Sam said, just loudly enough for her to hear, and she froze, ready with a comeback about not fucking the Guv, but she remembered kissing him, and that was enough. She walked out.
It was the old case she was working on that had belonged to Ray, but now that she wore bruises on her face to prove that she was worth something, Ray did not even blink when the Guv cornered her about it. He gave it back to Ray on condition that he take her out to follow up on the new leads she found and they spent a long day hoofing it over half the city. In the end, a new suspect was dragged in, and everyone was kept busy, and Ray barely made more than a dozen rude comments about her ass.
As she left the building that evening, Sam cornered her.
"Pub?"
They stood, appraising each other. "Nothing's changed, Sam."
"No, it hasn't. I still love you."
She looked down, and he stepped in closely as they stood on the stairs. "Annie, why do I have to choose?"
She could not answer.
"Annie, listen. If it were, say, your job or me, could you choose? Could you really throw one away for the other?"
"That's not the same and you know it."
"You're right, it's not but…for me, it's even more important. I jus' need 'im, can't you understand?"
"I do understand. That's why I know it won't work."
"That makes no sense."
"I understand how much you need him. I can't compete with that, Sam."
"Not asking you to. You don't have to, Annie, that's the whole point. It isn't a race or a boxing match."
That made sense, but it did not make her feel any better, and he was totally missing what she was trying to say about her and Gene. Not that there was a 'her and Gene' to speak of, more a 'I want him too' and she hated that Sam had Gene, and Gene had Sam, and that if she took Sam back he would have both her and Gene and everyone would be totally happy with the situation except her. No, there was certainly nothing normal there – at least Sam would appreciate that if he just woke up enough to see it.
But then, if she did finally, really turned Sam away, she would not have anything at all.
"You wouldn't know a boxing match if you were in the middle of one," she said, feeling lonely and sad and saying that because nothing else sounded right.
He snorted and looked up at the sky, grinning, and he was beautiful then, and she only wanted to hug him.
"God you feel good." He wrapped his arms around her as she stepped into him.
"You too."
"Pub?"
"Yeah."
They walked in holding hands, and most people did not really look twice, figuring the lover's quarrel was over and maybe their very apparent mutual death wish was done and the Guv could ease up on them now. She personally had no idea what she was doing, but it felt right, and she was taking her own advice for once.
Gene was not there, but it was a beautiful night anyway.
Gene was between them, always present, but they simply did not discuss that fact anymore. It was as if they stopped fighting about whether the sky was blue or not and just accepted what they saw.
But Gene, himself, was not happy, and Annie could not figure out why. He was getting rough with Sam, rough enough to leave bruises from the sex, and it worried her and it even worried Sam although he did not say so. His drinking increased, which everyone noticed because no one thought it was really possible. There were rumors that his home life was coming apart but Gene talked about his missus and always said he was going home to her when he left the pub and his shirts were still being ironed by somebody, so Annie thought that for all his screwing around, he was holding his life together somehow.
Sometimes she caught him staring at her, unreadable, and she wondered if somehow he thought she was a threat to him; his behavior turned for the worse when she and Sam made up, it was too obvious not to be related somehow. She could see the gears of his brain clicking through the whiskey fog that was Gene Hunt's consciousness lately, and it bothered her. She did not mention it to Sam, who was worried enough and suffering the worst of Gene's outbursts already.
Then, incredibly, he asked her out on a date.
It was not put that way and it was to a boxing match and Sam was there when the invitation was made, which was not much of an invitation anyway. Gene was talking about the upcoming fight with Ray and Annie mentioned that it sounded 'like a good'un' and Gene replied by saying he would pick her up at seven. Sam shrugged, like a typical man oblivious to the obvious, and stated that if Annie wanted to lower herself to that level of crass entertainment, then he could not think of anyone better than Gene to take her. She smiled meekly and agreed to go, wondering if she should call her brother to chaperone, as Sam was useless. Utterly useless. At that moment she wanted to grab him by his lapels and shake him, but that really never seemed to work as anything more than foreplay.
Gene nodded tersely at her acceptance, and marched off.
"I don' know why you're goin', Annie." Sam shook his head.
"I don't either," she said bleakly, and he looked her, confused.
Gene picked her up and she slid into the Cortina warily. She really could not believe this was a date, that was too outrageous and ridiculous, but there was an undercurrent to this that was unmistakable, and part of her kept looking at his gloved hands and glancing at his profile as he drove, and she became very suspicious of her own motivations for agreeing to this. She rode in silence to the club but when they parked she shook herself and turned on him.
"So what's this, then?"
"A damn good match. Nichols is primed. We'll get blood on us tonight." He rubbed his gloved hands together and she suppressed a very inappropriate shudder.
"No, Guv. Why'd you ask me on a date?"
He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. "Date? That what you think?"
"Well it feels that way." She sat back and crossed her arms.
"I am so sorry to offend your delicate sensibilities, Cartwright, but I bloody thought…" He stopped and slapped the steering wheel.
"Guv, what's goin' on? You're…not yourself."
He gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. Finally he got out and walked towards the club, and she was left with the unpleasant choices of sitting in the car for hours, walking the entire way home, or following the Guv. She got out and ran after him.
It was a damn good match, he did not lie about that. There were two less impressive matches first but by round five in the main match she was beer-buzzed and standing, beating on Gene's shoulders, yelling at her man to make a move. Gene was laughing, well into his beer and the energy of the match, and calling her "Hard Knocks Knickers." Their man won and she cried out gleefully, hopping and clapping like a girl in a candy shop when the opponent went down.
She sailed out of the club on her winnings, which were not much but hard earned, laughing. Then suddenly it was just her and Gene again, standing next to the Cortina, and he was smiling, leaning against it, smoking.
"You 'ave a good time, Guv?"
"Gene." He sniffed, losing the smile.
"Oh. Gene…" She looked around, nervous now, back to her original worries. If Gene was jealous of her hold on Sam, this was damned strange way of challenging her, unless he was trying to make Sam jealous, which made even less sense.
"Y'think I'm goin' to bite?" He barked.
"No! Just…thanks for a good time, Gu-Gene."
He nodded curtly and opened the door for her. She got in cautiously, but he was shut down now, and the drive to her flat was quiet as the grave.
He parked outside her building and they sat there. She was still thinking, more confused than ever. He was tense now, too, and she got the prickly feeling that he was steeling himself for something.
She finally went for the door handle, and as she moved, he reached out and she felt the warm gloved hand on the back of her neck, pulling her over to him. He did not budge, did not meet her half way; he dragged her over by her neck as if she was a puppy until they were face to face. She had one hand plowed into the seat next to his thigh just to keep herself from falling right into him.
"You love 'im?" He asked, chin jutting out, his eyes narrowed, and she felt far more sorry for suspects under his interrogation than she ever had before. She refused to play along or bow to simple intimidation, though, particularly from a boss who did not respect weakness in others and who she wrestled with in the middle of the street the week before.
"Do you?" She asked back, jutting her own chin out.
He looked surprised, genuinely taken off guard, and in that split second she saw his eyes move off hers and to her lips, which was the only warning she had of what came next. Somehow she realized she was not going to fight him on it. Like Sam, Annie could not resist the force of nature that was Gene Hunt, his sexuality and rawness and heat. Her mind was screaming that this was more of his games and for her to beat him back or jump out but it was useless, she knew it was useless as their lips collided and he drew her onto his lap. It was a dream, then, unreal and unnatural and mesmerizing, and he tasted as deliciously strong as she remembered. He kept it chaste in a way, not groping her or trying to grind himself off on her, but she felt his quickening breath hitching in his chest as their tongues moved over each other, the soft texture of his mouth inviting her in further and further until she simply could not breathe at all. She remembered the kiss he gave Sam on the stairwell and she knew why Sam was dazed afterwards, because she was already dazed now. She let her hands roam, but only up, to his shoulders and neck and face and he keened at the touch. He was gorgeous, this man, in an entirely different way than Sam but no less a magnet to her, and she wondered if she was just the latest in a long line of women – and men? – to fall for the Guv as her thoughts tripped dreamily through the sensation of being in his arms.
Finally the kiss broke for just a moment, not even a full second, as they pulled in air. He ran a hand over her face, gazing at her with eyes deep and dark with purpose.
Her brain clicked in that pause and she was appalled, horrified, and ashamed at falling into his tricks just that damn easily. She pushed off him and turned her back to him as she got out and walked off. She did not turn around at any point, would not give that far, just kept walking into the building and as the door started to shut behind her she heard the car roar off. Inside, she damned him for teasing her with something that was not hers, and damned herself for wanting him that much, and damned Sam for not protecting her from Gene.
The following week was hell, and Sam finally took to hiding from Gene at work, which everyone noticed and no one was happy about. Even Ray began avoiding him, and she was scared to be in collating by herself. Gene was barely in control, tightly wound, utterly terrifying, and no one knew why, not even Sam. Everything he did was confusing to her, and no psychology textbook in existence could explain what was going on.
Sam was broken apart, wanting to help Gene but being rebuffed when he was not being fucked. He told Annie that every time he thought Gene was about to say something, to break the evil spell that held him, he would shut down. Annie suspected she was key to this, somehow, but in a devastating and destructive way, and she steered clear of trying to take on Gene herself. Sam could take that risk with some hope of resolution; she only faced losing everything for her efforts, and she suspected that might be what Gene was hoping for anyway.
He caught her, one evening, as she made her way to the pub. She stayed late at the office to finish up a report, and sent Sam on ahead of her, thinking the Guv was already there, as they had somehow become his de facto babysitters. It seemed no one, not even Ray, was willing to put up with the caged monster anymore. As she walked down the street her nerves twitched at the motion of a large man coming at her out of the shadows, and she readied for a fight and a good scream, but it was Gene and he gently pulled at her sleeve. She followed him into the ally, darkly lit and heavy with shadows. He stood near her, over her, and she looked up nervously.
"Guv?"
"Name."
"What?"
"Y'can say my name, love?"
She smelled the drink on him and knew he was pissed, far beyond any anything she ever saw before except maybe that one time he worked undercover as a bartender. He swayed a little and she was not worried for herself too much, just concerned about what to do if he fell down on her. It would hurt.
"Gene. You alright? Need me to go get…someone?"
He cupped her face in his hands. "Name."
"Gene."
"Again."
"Gene…" She sighed the last as he bent in to the kiss. He backed up, holding her face and her lips to him, until he was leaning against the wall. He broke the kiss and shook his head as if clearing out cobwebs.
"Think y'can 'old me up, Cartwright?" He smiled, dazed drunk, still holding her face.
"No!" She laughed as he slouched, and she pushed her hands into his chest, trying to keep him from keeling over. Too late she understood that he was not so fallen that he was without tactics, as he slid his arms around her waist and drew her in. He used one hand to pull his coat so that it rested around both of them, and she felt cocooned and trapped. "Gene…"
"Annie…jus'…quiet." He bowed his head but not for a kiss, instead curling down to rest his face against the curve of her neck. She was as quiet as he asked, letting him breathe against her skin, and she could tell he was breathing in deep, smelling her, and began mumbling something.
"…name…"
"Gene. Gene…please…I'm worried…" She leaned against him as she felt him relaxing, knowing that she could not hold him up but hoping to break a fall, and wrapping her arms around him. "Gene…"
"Damn." He looked up then, trying to pull himself together but not letting go. He looked at her again and her heart dropped. It was something, there, about that look that she knew too well, and it was terrifying. "Dead, jus' dead. Nothin'…" His head dropped again to smell her.
"Am I nothing, Gene? I'm right here, you can smell me, feel me…right here, please, Gene…"
"Sam…"
"I'll get him! I'll go get him!"
His hold on her tightened. "No. He'll…talk…" He laughed, dry and rasping and humorless. "Damn fairy." He nuzzled her neck and started kissing it.
"I want to talk too! Talk to me!" She was panicked, grabbing every word, hoping to break into his dangerous reverie. He did sound like Sam, or the way Sam used to talk, and she wracked her brain trying to remember the things she said to him then.
"No." He moved his hands, pulling one hand up her back to between her shoulder blades, and shifted her to one side and began kissing her again, deeper and harder than ever, clutching at her. Finally he broke for air, or balance, and they stared at each other. He brought a hand up to stroke her face. She saw entire dialogues flashing in his eyes but he did not speak, and finally she grabbed his hand.
"What is it, Gene?"
Suddenly he pushed her off, hard, so that she nearly fell down, and looked at her, drunk and angry. "Y'not fightin' back."
"No. Why would I?"
"If you loved him you'd fight!" He pointed at her and she thought she was going crazy.
"No! I mean yes! You just need help, Gene, I just wanted…"
"Don't help me!" He moved forward and pushed her again, but he was clumsy and she was ready and only took a step backwards. "Don' need…pity…"
"You're bein' stupid! It's not pity! I love you! Please let me…" She stopped, hearing herself, and he stared at her. There was no backtracking, and she knew it was true, and that somehow the Guv pulled her into this whole thing as some kind of game to test her feelings for Sam and instead she spilled out her own deepest secret, her own shame in all this, that she had fallen in love with Gene a long time ago. Now he held all the cards, and she had nothing to put into play, and even if he never made another move he already won. She stepped up and slapped him, then walked off. When she got to the pub she told Sam and Ray where the Guv was but not quite how she knew that and they dashed out to rescue him. She buried her face in her hands and groaned, angry, and wondering what level of hell could possibly be next.
The next day, the Guv was oblivious, apparently remembering nothing, but she did not trust him that far anymore.
He was yelling at her, full on, red in the face, and just short of hauling off and striking her. If she were Sam or Ray, she would already be down for the count, she knew that much. It was her fault that she and Chris chivied off on a lead on their own, and then were held at gunpoint for their troubles. It was terrible, not because it was the first time she was on the wrong side of a gun, but because she walked into it like an idiot and put both her and Chris' lives on the line, just to try to prove something. The fact that her hunch was right, that her lead was solid, and that the suspects were now in holding did nothing to reduce the fury of Gene Hunt, whose hand was still bleeding from his fight with the wielder of the gun. He and Sam and Ray showed up because Sam trusted her research and her instincts, but it was Gene who took out the crim threatening her life, so she stood by her desk and took it. Like a man. Because, short of fists, that was exactly the way he was treating her.
"You even hear what I'm sayin', Cartwright?" He bellowed, inches from her face, and she nodded.
"Yes sir."
He stepped off and inspected her. She looked up at him.
"But I was still right."
His eyes flashed in undiminished fury and he grabbed her jacket and started walking out. Sam tried to step in the way but Gene shoved him off.
"I think Cartwright here needs some fresh air to clear her head before I 'ave to clear it for her." He announced, dragging her behind him. Chris winced and Ray smirked and Sam looked horrified, but no one dared to make another move to stop Gene, which if nothing else cemented her position now as 'one of the boys.' She was in no position to enjoy that particular victory, though, as she was tossed into the lift. By the time she sorted herself out, she realized that the doors were not opening to the main lobby. They were in the basement. She froze.
"Get in there." Gene threw her out of the lift and followed her, hitting the lights in a familiar way. She backed up to a desk as he marched towards her.
"I don' know why I need to give this talk to all my new recruits these days, but you DO NOT countermand MY authority in CID!" He shoved her shoulder, not at all hard, and glared at her. "You eat some glue and got your lips stuck together?"
"Oh…sir…I…I am sorry, Guv. I just…but I was right."
"That is NOT my point!"
"Stop yelling at me! I hear you jus' fine!" She yelled back, her nerves and the utter misery of her entire day finally breaking her.
He stopped and folded his arms, saying nothing but glaring at her with lead-heavy displeasure, and like a guilty suspect she caved.
"You're right, I know, I was stupid. I'm sorry, Guv. I just wanted to prove…to show that I'm good enough to be here."
He sniffed and looked around. "You're certainly good'nough for the basement."
"That's not what I meant! I meant CID!" She threw her hands up, aggravated.
"I knew that, don't ever make the mistake that I'm stupid." He said it quietly and it was terrifying.
"I'm…I'm sorry…" She said it then turned around, her will finally failing her. She had done and was still doing everything wrong and she could not figure out what to do anymore. Clinically, she thought that the Guv was too damn good at breaking people.
"You put two officers' lives in danger, you and Chris. My team. The only one who makes that call is me."
"Yes sir."
"If we hadn' got there, you'd be dead."
"Yes, sir."
"You ever stop to think how that makes me feel?"
She stopped and blinked, because this was the last thing she ever expected to hear from the likes of Gene Hunt. "Sir?"
"I worry every day for my team, Cartwright. Them scum got it in for us, every one of us, an' I don't need my officers throwing themselves into 'arms way for a lark. My team is my responsibility, and you better never forget who it is takes care of you."
She lowered her head in shame, for the first time realizing just how badly she acted, and how deeply she betrayed Gene and his authority. She felt his hand on her shoulder, heavy and still. She turned around and looked at him.
He was angry, but he was also worried. No, he was scared. Her life had been on the line, and he was almost too late, and he was utterly terrified of the aftermath of that – she saw that in him, the look in his eyes and the way he was standing. He was letting his guard down, because of her, and she felt even worse. He put both hands on her shoulders, bent down, and kissed her. It was not the furious intensity of past kisses, it was gentle and soft, and she did not think she deserved it or any kind of kindness from him for what she did. She did not know if it was a game or not, and she did not understand what brought this on, so she tried to shove him off.
"Stop, stop, love…" Gene said, pulling off her lips and moving to her neck as he stepped closer into her and wrapped her in the iron wall of his body. "Be still."
"Maybe I don't want this!" She squirmed, and felt him stop cold. His lips moved up her neck and she shuddered, but he kept moving up until his hot breath was in her ear.
"What you want?" He asked, brushing his lips over her skin but not really touching.
"Don't you get enough of this from Sam?" She snarled, willing to take a hit just to get him off her at this point.
"No." He pushed and lifted and she was sitting on the edge of the desk, Gene between her legs, assaulting her ear with his tongue. "Not this." He ran his hands under her skirt, up her thighs, not lightly as Sam might do but with pressure, nearly massaging her muscles as he went. She grabbed his arms for support. "Say no."
"What?" She gasped,
"That's 'ow you stop a bloke, didn' y'mum teach you that? You say 'no.' So say it." He was growling, a tinge of frustration in his voice.
But she could not do it.
He sucked on the lobe of her ear as his hands reached her panties. He ran a finger down the crevice between her legs and she groaned, and she understood in that moment that it was over. She was giving in, and she wanted to, and he was going to take her. He knew it too and moved his hands to the top of her panties and pulled them down as he moved to kiss her on the mouth again. She reached out and found his belt, and slowly drew him out of his pants, returning to the dream world of Gene Hunt, and not thinking of anything but Gene absorbing her there in the basement. He put one hand back between her legs and separated her skin, groaning as her juices ran over his fingers, his breath fast and panicky.
She wanted to stop to ask what was going on, why now, why her, but part of her only wanted Gene, and only wanted Gene to want her. Two hours ago she was at the point of saying good-bye to life and now here was life in full glittering Technicolor, Gene rubbing himself into her hand, hard as a rock, hot to the touch, his mouth assaulting her in all the best ways and his fingers gliding over her clit and threatening to push inside her. She pulled him in, thinking that the basement was not about foreplay, and jostled her hips on the edge of the desk. She brought up her legs and wrapped around his hips and yanked him to her, his cock sliding down into the folds of her skin and barely penetrating. He gasped and cursed, and adjusted himself lower in a crouch until he was lined up and then he pushed, hard, and entered her fully with one stroke.
"Gene!" She breathed it out, and it did something to him. He grabbed her ass and began thrusting as she tried to kiss his neck, saying his name again over and over. He pulled her closer so his thrusts were shorter but his skin slapped up against her clit and she buried her head into his chest, crying out in whimpers and curses of her own, clawing his back under his shirt. Then she heard him, he was saying something, low and breathless.
"Love me?"
She gasped an intake of breath, starting up at him. His expression hardened and he slammed into her brutally. "Love me."
She shook her head, and he slammed into her again and she cried out in pain.
"Y'said it before."
Of course he remembered the night in the alley; she knew he did. She wanted to cry, to stop this, to just make Gene quit playing games, because she wanted this to be something more than what it was. She wanted that…but a lie would not change anything.
"I love you."
His body relaxed and hummed against her as he thrust in and out gently. He was still looking at her fiercely and she put her face back into his chest.
"Com'on, love, give me your heat…" Gene whispered. "Give me something to live for…don' leave…" He barely mouthed the words, and she knew he was back on the same train of thought as the night in the alley, and it scared her even as she felt her body shaking, her orgasm beginning to form. "Say it say it say it…" He demanded as he pushed into her, sensing that she was on the verge.
"Love…you Gene…love…" She gasped, then tensed up and jerked against him, crying out his name again as his skin slapped against her clit, his movements growing hard and fast as he went into a crisis, thrusting and pulling at her, grunting. He fell over the edge groaning out as she had heard him do with Sam, his hips pounding against her.
They were frozen together for a moment, hearts beating loudly, and Gene rubbed her back kindly. "Good girl." He whispered in her ear and then stepped back, pulling up his pants, tucking himself back in. She sat staring at him, knowing she looked like a fool. He gave her a critical once over. "Yer a mess. Wait here until you can pull y'self back together." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, running his hand over her jaw gently, then turned and walked out.
She fell backwards on the desk, exhausted, and confused, and as madly in love as ever, if not more – and there was nothing good in that.
That she did not tell Sam right away sealed her decision, because at that point it was too late to tell him at all. She thought she should be wracked with guilt over it, but Sam was shagging Gene on a regular basis anyway himself so there was some kind of 'cosmic balance' effect to the whole matter. The following week, it almost seemed like the dam had broken, and Gene was nearly back to normal. Annie was not enough a fool to think it was due to her tremendous prowess as a lover, but she was not blind and knew it was something to do with her. She just had no idea what.
There was, of course, absolutely no one she could talk to about any of this. Sam was, well, Sam, and he would want to both kill Gene and rescue Gene and somehow pretend that this was all normal, that everyone just needed 'counseling' and soon the Berlin Wall would come tumbling down. No, Sam was not an option, and he was at the top of the list.
By the next week, though, things were back to their miserable standard, and Annie went out of her way not to upset Gene or be in any place he could corner her alone. She avoided the pub in general, terrified of what a drunken Gene might try to pull on her if she showed up.
After one particularly brutal day where Gene actually threw Ray over a desk, she told Sam she was going home and he could show up later if he wanted, but she was not going out. Sam agreed to stop by 'after' and she knew what that meant as well as any wife did. She ate early and sat on the couch to read a book for a long time, but she mostly partook of her favorite pastime of late, "decoding Gene," but her logic went in circles for hours.
It was not until very late that Sam knocked on her door. When she opened it he was smiling and slightly drunk and waltzed into her arms, happy, apologizing for staying out so late, and just from the way he walked and what he said, she knew he had fucked Gene that night. Had probably done it at Sam's flat, and then Gene went home to his missus while Sam showed up here. She slammed him into the wall, and he listed, confused.
"How was Gene?" She glared at him and he moved his mouth like a guppy. "Well? Was it good for you, Sam?"
"Annie…what…you know what's goin' on…"
"And you don't!"
"I do! I know it! I'm the one doing it!" He looked around, even more confused. "I thought you…accepted…"
"Accept it? Why should I?"
"What?" He yelled back at her, getting angry at the attack, and she was not sure why she was so mad except…she stepped back in shock. She was jealous of Sam. The thought hit her like a tidal wave and she went down under it, unable to breathe and wholly undone by the implication. Sam had Gene, and she did not; she was just a toy Gene played with to get at Sam, somehow, to keep her in her place and not get uppity about things. Now she understood what happened in the basement: it was Gene's blackmail of her, to keep her in line about Sam. That was all she was to Gene, and it ate her alive.
She loved Sam, though, and whatever she felt for Gene, however jealous she was of Sam, she knew there was one way to crack them. Blackmail only worked if the victim was ashamed, or had nothing to lose by the revelation. It was the reverse for her because she was not ashamed, and she had everything to gain: Sam.
"Gene shagged me in the basement. Last week."
Sam froze. "What?"
"You 'eard me. He did. That day we fought to hard. You know what happens in the basement, Sam."
It was a sign of how rattled he was that he did not ask how she knew what went on the basement. He processed the comment at face value and went red. She knew it was not jealousy, but rather his sense of honor, and a feeling that he needed to protect her, that tripped Sam's anger. He was going to fight for her, now, just as hard as she was fighting for him, and she knew that whatever Gene tried to pull, she finally won.
Sam did not discuss it further. He kissed her, hard, turned and walked out the door. Annie was torn about whether to follow, but the detective beat out the girlfriend in her and she put on her shoes as she ran down three flights of stairs. Sam was already gunning the car as she caught the door and threw herself in, saying nothing and slamming the door shut as he peeled out the drive.
He went to the pub, and it occurred to her that he must have left Gene there, that if they got together it was probably before they made it to the pub. No difference, at this point, because she had thrown down the gauntlet and now she was here for the ride.
It was a lock-in by the time they arrived and they did not even try the door. Gene was still there and Sam parked himself on the hood of the brown Cortina, determined to wait him out, his arms crossed, his mood a pure fury. They had not said a single word to each other since they left the flat, and finally he got around to asking exactly what happened in more detail. He was terse, professional, and cold, acting as if she was a rape victim, and she decided that Hyde was not a place she ever wanted to even visit.
"He set you up. To hold that over you."
"Yes, I think so…I think." She admitted, and was grateful that he did not ask her why she did not fight him off. Well, then again, he probably knew better than her how hard it was to say no to Gene, under any circumstances.
Ray and Chris poured out of the pub just then and saw them. Ray smiled maliciously and yelled back inside.
"Oi, Guv, got kids smearing y'paint job!" Ray bounced down the stoop quickly as he finished, hauling Chris behind them, knowing that Hunt would barrel out the door and through them in the next second.
Annie thought he looked downright gorgeous as he ran out, his coat already on and his entire stance reeking menace. She hoped that Sam was not as crazy as he could sometimes act, because this whole situation was going to spiral out of control. The Guv froze halfway across the street when he registered who was on the car. Sam sat there, on the hood, as if he owned it, unmoving. It was a calculated gesture to inspire anger in Hunt, and it worked.
"Off the car." He pointed and ordered and Sam did not budge. Annie backed away.
"Off."
"What's your game, Gene? Why are you molesting Annie?" Sam sounded a lot more calm and rational than he looked, and he still did not get off the hood. Hunt pulled himself up, squaring his shoulders, and looked at Annie.
"So you told 'im, then? Good lass." Hunt was actually snarling and she sucked in her breath.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked again.
Hunt looked back and forth between them and then shook his head, smiling, stepping forward casually. "Y'in over your head, Sam. As usual, I have to dig you out." The last two steps were long and forceful and quick, and Sam was flying off the hood before he could put up a fight, but by the time he landed, the fight was on. Annie watched and trailed, absolutely and selfishly terrified of coming between them until at last, Gene pinned Sam to the sidewalk with his bulk alone, both men bleeding and gasping and incoherent. Finally Annie felt the tide turn her way.
"STOP IT!" She yelled at them, right over them, and they both looked up at her like naughty schoolboys. She leaned down into their faces. "I'm sure this is your idea of foreplay but I am NOT impressed! Now both of you get up off your arses and start walking!" She pointed, not really sure where she intended to march them, except maybe off a short plank into the canal, but damned and determined that they were going to do exactly what she told them to do. And miraculously, they did.
They both walked along petulantly, but the fury of earlier was spent and Hunt smoked while Sam grunted with every step until she hit upon where she wanted all of them to be. It was a small patch of green overlooking the canal, a not quite public but not quite private little place that she sometimes brought lunch to just to get away from the testosterone.
"Flippin' death march of Bataan, is it, Cartwright?" Hunt growled, tossing aside his cigarette and shoving his hands in his pockets. She did not answer and just pointed down the steps. Hunt knew the place, no way he could not, but Sam hesitated.
"What's this?"
"A public venue for airing grievances. Go."
"Like a bird to decide to talk it out." Gracefully, Hunt collapsed to the ground, his coat splayed around him as he stared at the water. Sam stood, arms crossed, hunched to one side, obviously in pain from some earlier punch to the ribs.
She turned on them both. "I love Sam."
"I'm leaving." Gene made to get up but Annie barked at him.
"No you are not!"
He lowered himself back down, rolling his eyes. Sam looked shocked that Gene was still there.
"Do you love me?" She asked Sam point blank, and he shook himself in surprise.
"Yes, you know that. I asked you to marry me, remember?"
"I don't really count that, Sam." She said quietly.
"Smart girl." Hunt grunted and Sam threw him a vicious look.
"So where are you in all this, Guv?" Annie turned to Hunt, who looked up at her slowly, his expression blank.
"Nowhere."
Sam twitched and Annie shook her head.
"You don't believe that. Else why would you be shagging my boyfriend nearly every day?"
Sam sunk to the ground, holding his head, but Hunt did not even blink.
"You got a point to this, Cartwright?"
"I never told Sam you were watching us that night." Annie shot to kill, and was duly rewarded. Sam's head reared up and if anything, Hunt closed down even further.
"Sure don't know what you mean, Cartwright."
"Sure you do, Hunt."
"I don't!" Sam complained.
"That night we drug him back to your flat, and he kissed me on the way. When we were at it on the floor, he was awake. Watching you. Getting off." She wanted to break Gene, force his hand, and she did not have a lot of ammunition to do it with so she needed to make this count. She loved him, yes, she could accept that, but she was not going to sacrifice her love for Sam to Gene's jealous, insane games, because he did not love her and even if he did, there was nothing here for her but Sam.
Sam turned slowly to stare at Hunt, who kept his gaze level with Annie, unblinking.
"Don't act like you don't remember." She scolded.
"You don't remember too good."
"I remember what I saw."
"Half of it."
"What half am I missing? You set that up so you could watch him. That's what you wanted and I gave him to you on a silver platter!" She stopped to calm down. "Down to your name. Gave you more than you even thought you'd get, yeah? I played right into you."
"I think you give me too much credit."
"Did you really just say that?" Sam asked, leaning in, and Hunt moved to hit him.
"Stop!" She stomped her foot in frustration.
Sam scooted back to separate themselves. "I don't understand what is going on."
"As bloody usual." Hunt rolled his eyes.
"I don't either, Sam. I really just don't. It's not like you needed that, Gene. You knew you had Sam, anytime you wanted him."
"Annie…" Sam tried to speak up but she kept talking.
"So what's with all this? Getting' on me? To hold something over me, to keep me in line so you can keep him? Or to make him jealous?"
Gene was staring at her, harder than before, a malicious spark in his eyes. She tried not to falter. This was her game, now, and Gene was going to play it whether he wanted to or not.
"It might surprise you, Gene Hunt, DCI, but I don't consider you much of a threat. Take as much of Sam as you want, he's still coming back to me. And I'll take him. So if you want him all to yourself, you're out of luck. You thought shagging me would do what? Break us up? No, Sam fought for me and I'll fight for him." She folded her arms and looked him in the eyes, and she thought – just thought – she saw something crack, unexpectedly. She was waiting for a fight, for an explanation or an explosion, for a reason to all of this, but she was not going to get it. It was not surrender, and it was not anger; he simply, completely shut down. As far as she could tell, he simply stopped caring.
He stood up and looked carefully between them. "Good night."
And he was gone.
Time went backwards in a strange way. The Guv acted as if nothing, not a damn thing, ever happened, with her or Sam. He would not touch Sam even to pummel him to death, which Sam encouraged on a daily basis. Annie was not altogether upset with Sam's sexual frustrations, as he would proceed to follow her home nearly every night and take them out on her, or more accurately, let her take them out of him. Everyone on the team realized that something changed between the Guv and Sam, and duly placed the blame on Sam's idiotic notion to sit on the hood of the Cortina. A couple of times she saw Sam and the Guv talking privately in his office, but nothing ever came of it. Gene Hunt was spiraling downwards, and everyone knew it, and everyone saw it, and now Sam, the only person who had a crack at stopping the damage, was locked out. Cutting Gene loose was her plan in the first place, but Annie felt guilty, and Sam was grief stricken, and they both acted like lovelorn teenagers, which only made them feel even worse.
Gene was drunk on the job more often than sober. It was not as if his drinking was a secret although previously he managed to always keep to the job first, but not anymore. In the weeks that followed he allowed Sam to take the lead on almost every case and the few times he became involved in anything, he acted disassociated and uninterested. The whole of CID watched in curious, impotent horror as Gene self-destructed before their eyes, and every day Annie curled deeper into herself knowing that somehow, it was her fault. She did not understand what Gene needed, though, and Gene refused to talk to Sam anymore except about work. It was a stalemate with no rules to the game.
That night Sam sat on top of Annie's desk, drinking out of a bottle of mildly cheap whiskey that Annie bought them earlier. She was sprawled out in her chair, ankles crossed, watching the night shift crew – all three of them, and she did not even know their names – meander around doing very little. Sam wanted to avoid the pub – wanted to avoid Gene – but neither of them were up to facing going home, alone or together, just so they could go to bed and start another miserable day all over again tomorrow.
"Suicide." Sam nodded, and Annie jumped.
"What? I…"
Sam giggled, starting to get drunk but not quite there. "No, no. I meant earlier, we were at the morgue. Suicide. Apparently Gene knew 'em."
"Shit." Annie could not think of a worse influence on Gene than a friend committing suicide, and dark thoughts curled through her brain. "You don' think…"
"No." Sam shook his head firmly. "No. Somethin'…it was weird. I don' think I've ever seen him think that hard, but it wasn't…actually he acted normal." Sam sounded surprised.
"Normal normal, or normal now?"
They were both buzzed enough that her question made sense. "Normal normal." Sam nodded repeatedly. They both sat thinking and took a few more drinks.
"I think…I think this is all my fault." Annie admitted as she handed the bottle back.
Sam shook his head. "No. Gene was stringing us both along, just usin' us. You met 'im head on. More than I could do." Sam sounded miserable and just held the bottle to his chest, cuddling it, not drinking.
"You're the one always goin' up against him." Annie shrugged.
"Not about…us."
Annie was not sure if Sam meant 'Annie and Sam' "us" or 'Gene and Sam' "us" and thought maybe he meant both. "Why not? If you knew he was just playin' games."
"I don' think he was playin' games. Anyway, I…I'd let 'im do anything to me, if that's what he wanted."
Annie looked at him, shocked, and Sam smiled sadly.
"Feel the same way about you, love," Sam said, and reached out to run his hand along the curve of her neck. Annie smiled back, still disturbed by the comment, but not willing to make anything worse right now. She had done enough of that lately. She got up and stretched, at the point of needing to get away from work, or anything resembling it.
"I'm 'ungry. Food?"
Sam nodded and they walked out. As they left the building, holding hands and heads down and not talking, Annie looked up sharply at the hint of golden brown in the parking lot. She stopped and Sam glanced at her, then over to where she was looking.
Gene was leaning against the Cortina, staring straight up at the building, as if judging how high it might be. He was not smoking and there was an air of sobriety about him, as he stood motionless, relaxed and thoughtful, gazing up to the night time sky. Annie squeezed Sam's hand in panic, and something about the motion brought Gene's eyes to them. He stared at them with the same expression, thoughtful and wounded and quiet, but he did not say anything, and did not move otherwise.
Annie felt that Sam was having the same dilemma she was. They wanted to walk over and talk to him, but his demeanor was cold and withdrawn. Sam made a step in his direction anyway, and Gene tensed up. It was barely noticeable but the muscles flexed and the face turned down and Sam stopped cold, then went forward towards Annie's car, dragging her behind him as she stared desperately at Gene. Gene watched them, turning his head to keep them in his line of sight, but still not moving.
"Sam, he might…" Annie gasped when they got in the car and Sam drove out quickly.
"No, he won't."
"You know that? You know for certain? Sam, I think we…"
"He don't want us in his life, Annie. An' I told you, I'd do anything for him. That includes leaving him alone, if that is what he wants." Sam gripped the steering wheel, and he was doing no better a job at not crying than she was.
They sat miserably at dinner in an Indian restaurant on the other side of town from the Railway Arms, away from everybody and prying ears and eyes. They ate leisurely and quietly, ordering more food than they wanted just to have a reason to stay longer. Annie could not get the image of Gene staring at the building out of her mind, and a cold terror gnawed at her stomach making the dinner sour.
"Maybe if we tried to talk to him…"
Sam shook his head. "No. He won't talk. An' he won't jump, Annie, I told you."
Annie glared at Sam, who shrugged and looked despondent. Annie decided that Sam probably felt worse than she did, and held his hand on the table. "If you think he'll be alright, then I believe you. He…maybe he just needs to, you know, 're-establish boundaries' or sumthin'." She tried to sound positive for Sam, even as she felt empty and scared herself.
"You are a woman ahead of your time." He smiled at her, still looking sad, but amused.
"You taught me everything I know."
Sam's head tilted thoughtfully. "No, because I never taught you how to manhandle Gene Hunt quite the way you did, that night at the canal."
"Well he's a married bloke, yeah? I think after a while husbands get used to being ordered around by a woman." She grinned, and Sam's face fell in anguish as he looked over her shoulder.
"Was married."
She spun around and saw Hunt standing behind her, in his coat, not smoking, and just staring at them. Then he broke the moment, stepping up to their table.
"So you goin' to invite me to dinner? Thank you, don't mind if I do. 'Ere, love, give us a cup of tea!" He yelled out to the waitress as he sat down next to Annie, pulling one of the too-many plates of food to him.
"What do you mean, 'was married'?" Sam asked delicately, a useless gesture with the likes of Gene Hunt.
"And you're my DI, can't figure that out? Christ, Cartwright, I think you've got a promotion ahead of you if this one keeps up with the fancy mental footwork I'm seeing here." He leaned back as the tea was tossed down in front of him.
"When?" Annie asked, simple and direct, and Hunt sighed in relief at her straightforward approach.
"Four months ago. Left me. Not for another bloke, mind." He pointed a finger at Sam who shook his head and raised his hands in surrender. "Just got tired of staying up late every night waitin' on me. Got jealous of the job, if you can believe it." He drank the tea and did not look at either one of them.
Annie's brain was clacking furiously. His wife left him before he ever made a real move on Sam, before any of this started, before he kissed her…months before. He never told anyone, kept up some kind of lie of a marriage, and probably ironed his own shirts just to keep the charade going. He had nothing left and the only people he appeared to need pushed him off, kicked him away, and Annie put her hand over her mouth in shock.
In that moment, Annie understood that she had not been fair to Gene, that she never once gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was never playing with them at all, and he was upfront and honest about everything and she was too wrapped up in her own fears and Sam's complicated mind to see it. Gene was alone and he needed them and spent god knows how much time that night driving by Sam's favorite restaurants until he found them together. She sat, stunned, unable to speak while Gene drank tea and Sam pretended to eat.
Feeling guilty, she reached out and placed a hand over Gene's. She was surprised when he did not move, and simply looked at her hand on him.
"I'm glad you're here. I was…worried."
Gene looked up at her, nothing registering surprise other than his flashing, green eyes.
"Were you, now?" He asked gruffly, still not moving his hand.
"Yes."
The expression on his face showed that he saw her anguish, that her remorse registered with him, but not whether he accept it. He looked away and went to withdraw his hand, but Sam threw his own out and put it on top of both of theirs. Gene stopped and drank his tea again, still looking off, but did not try to move his other hand away from them for a few moments. When he did, he picked up a fork and pushed at the food in front of him, and they were engulfed by his silence.
The restaurant began to feel like a wide open place, too big and too public for the three of them, and Annie wanted out of there, fast. She was not sure why, only that being there in the open was inhibiting all of them, and it was important for them to be able to talk together. Gene was not going another inch into self revelation sitting there, and she had no idea what Sam was thinking but she knew they needed to get out.
"Let's go home." She motioned to Sam who obediently pulled money out to leave on the counter, and they stood up, but Gene did not move. "Gene?"
"I'll stay to finish me dinner, then. You kids go…on." He looked up and waved them off, the Guv present, distant and impervious.
Out of nowhere, Sam got it. Annie was not sure when, but Sam's mind returned to 'sharp' and he understood. Everything. She could see it in his eyes. He walked around and laid a friendly hand on Gene's shoulder.
"She means with us, Gene. Come home."
She never before saw him look uncertain, ever, in all the time she worked on the force. He stared up at Sam, deep longing and need visible, if you knew to look, and then over at her. She nodded, and he finally stood up, slowly, as if he were twice as old as he was.
She drove Sam's car and Sam rode with him in the Cortina. They beat her to her own flat by ten minutes, not surprisingly, and Sam looked relived to have made it alive. He also looked flushed and wound up, and she suspected she knew what was going on in the Cortina while they waited for her to show, and she forced herself to push down her jealousy of them. Gene looked as collected as always, never giving anything away, and they walked into her flat together, as if it really were their home.
Sam quickly fixed Gene a drink, and they settled around the furniture with only a hint of uncertainty to their actions. No one sat next to each other and for a few minutes no one spoke. Then Gene put down his drink and lit a cigarette, annoying Sam, and began to talk. It was not much of a heart baring story, and he made his marriage sound more like a case on file than the emotional train wreck it clearly was. They just listened and refilled his glass until he finally stopped talking and they all lapsed into silence again.
"What are you going to do now?" Annie finally asked.
"Nothin' to do. Divorce. Sell the house. Find a flat. Do my job. Grow old. Retire." He leaned into the chair and tilted his head back so he could stare at the ceiling.
"Sounds lonely." Sam remarked, feelingly, staring at his own drink.
"You know how to cheer up a room, Tyler. Git."
Annie stretched out herself. "He's right. That's not much of a plan."
Gene bowed up a bit. "Sorry if my natural acceptance of the inevitable disappoints you." He put his head back down.
"A lot of syllables, there, Gene. I'm impressed." Sam smirked.
Gene rolled his head back up. "Tyler…"
"You've fucked me on your desk, Gene, I really think you can call me Sam." Sam focused on his drink and Gene stared at him hostilely.
"You done both of us in the basement." Annie sighed.
"And 'ow…you dirty little CID girl." Gene grinned in complete awareness, and Annie blushed.
"I 'ad to know, yeah?"
Sam was appalled. "You spied on us?"
"'Course she did. Prob'ly got her knickers in a twist when you didn' put out one night."
"Sam always puts out, Gene, you know that," Annie shrugged and got up to refill drinks and Sam looked even more appalled.
"I do not!"
"Yeah, you do," Gene said thoughtfully. "Sam."
Sam looked furious for a moment, then collapsed. "Shit. I'm the station bike, am I?"
"Hope not. I'd 'ate to share with Ray."
Annie shuddered as she handed a full glass to Gene. "Ewww, don' even say that."
"Jus' so you know." Gene glared at Sam.
"Oh my god! I'm leaving." Sam put down the glass Annie just handed him and stood up.
"You delicate nancy! Sit down!"
"No! I'm being called a slut by my girlfriend! And…you! I think that qualifies as first class out-the-door insult."
"Then why you do it?" Gene asked and Annie leaned into his chair, wondering the same thing.
"You are both Neanderthals. Both!" Sam bounced on his heels and pointed at them in turn. Gene gave a surprised glance up at Annie. "Both! And just so I can be a complete 'nancy' about this, because I really want to be 'dorothy' right now, let me just say that I do it because I love you! There! I said it, because neither of you will! I love you! Both!" He put on his jacket in the stunned silence. "…and for the record, I'll 'ave to be dead, drugged, and in a coma before I'd let Ray have a chance."
"Chris is cuter," Annie said without thinking, and Sam nodded.
"Definitely."
"I'd kill you both." Gene sucked on his drink, stopping the conversation dead.
"…and why is that, Gene?" Sam asked, his hands on his hips.
"I am not feeling as 'dorothy' as you are, and I'll have to be a lot more drunk than I am now to consider answering that question." He held his empty glass up in front of Annie. Sighing, she took it for a refill. "Now sit down, Sam, before I sit on you."
"He'd like that."
"Annie! You're as bad as he is!" Sam complained but sat down on the couch. They were silent for a while, and Annie went over and sat at the dinette, taking Sam's former place. Sam crossed his arms and was tapping his foot nervously.
"Well…okay…maybe I'll be Dorothy next. Because really I do love both of you." Annie said nervously. "I was just…when I was spyin' on you, Sam, it was because I thought there wasn't, you know, any place for me. With the two of you, I mean. And it couldn't keep goin' on like it was, could it?"
"No?" Gene asked, irritated.
"No. Because we know we all wanted more than we were getting." She looked at Sam, who understood, but Gene snorted.
"I was getting plenty until you blew it all up."
"Fine then!" Annie roared and both men froze, staring at her. She started unbuttoning her blouse. "Which one you want first? Come on, whip it out and lets get it done, Gene! That's all that's here for you then jus' take it and get out!" She stood up and took off her shoes, and went back to unbuttoning. "Well, come on Sam, suck him off or something." She waved towards Gene, who looked horrified.
"Annie…" Sam stood up. "Calm down…"
"No! No I don't have to and don't patronize me! If this is just about sex then let's just do it, because I'm not going to sit here and get my heart broken for no good reason!" She took off her shirt and both men looked away. "What? Something wrong? Or am I just in the way? Tell you what, I'll go to the bedroom and Sam can stay here and you can just pick one, okay?" She yelled, pointing at Gene, who still looked horrified, although she realized he was beginning to get mad.
"Put your shirt back on, Cartwright." He said, looking at her with a steady gaze.
"Annie, please…" Sam pleaded.
"Am I wrong? Anyone goin' to tell me I'm wrong?" Annie looked back and forth between them.
"Oh for god's sake, Annie, I already told you how I feel."
"Shut up, Sam." Gene said flatly, never taking his eyes off Annie, and Sam stopped in surprise. "I don't think she's talking about you."
Annie crossed her arms. "I'll say it if you don't."
"What do you think I should say? I'm all antsy to know." Gene said, looking anything but antsy.
"You love us too. You're jealous that we have each other and you only get to fuck us. You're lonely, and…you're in love." She threw it out, knowing it was true as all the pieces slid together in her mind, but wondering if Gene would deny it anyway, out of pride or shame or something. He might, and she did not know what she was going to do then.
He did not answer, and Sam stared at him in disbelief.
"That it, Gene? I'd really like to know." Sam crossed his arms again. Gene flicked his eyes back and forth between them, and Annie thought that he was going to get up and walk out – walk off, again, like he did that night at the canal, but this time her heart really would break.
Gene finally leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the ground. "Not 'ere for a shag. Put your shirt back on."
Sam opened his mouth but Annie shook her head at him, then bent down and picked up her shirt. After she put it on, Gene looked up.
"Then stay, Gene. Tonight, with us."
Gene squinted. "I tol' you…"
"I know you did. And I ain't talking about shaggin'. I mean, just stay. Have a few drinks, okay? And we'll all go to bed…to sleep, I mean. No nothing else. I really…I really just want us to be together. You know, like it was…normal." She shrugged, sad, because it sounded impossible. Sam looked stunned.
"You mean it, Annie?"
"Yeah, Sam, I do."
Sam smiled, delighted like a child, and Annie could not help but giggle. "I'm 'alf ready for bed anyway."
Sam turned to Gene. "Well?"
Gene just stared, his expression closed. Sam stepped towards him.
"Gene…you better understand what we're sayin'. Because if you don't, if you think you can keep at us without some kind of commitment, well, you're wrong. Stay, or leave. But you walk out that door, then you're not gettin' either one of us, ever, again. We got each other and we love each other and I'll not 'ave you hurting that just to get your balls off. I love you, I want you to stay…but it's got to be on our terms." Sam put his hands out, as if offering him something, which in a way he was.
Annie had not thought of it that way, and she tried to hide her surprise, but she liked it. Gene would probably never admit to being in love with either of them – she could not imagine that – but this was a perfect 'out,' a way for him to let them know without having to do much of anything, other than just stay. She held her breath.
Gene got up and looked at them carefully, then slammed his drink and picked up his jacket from the back of the chair. Annie threw a terrified glance at Sam, who went from 'hopeful' to 'furious' in an instant. Gene went over to the front door and opened the small closet next to it and hung his jacket up, then turned and walked through the room without looking at either of them. Annie watched him disappear into the bedroom, and saw the light go on there, and she looked at Sam in shock.
"Oh. So, okay then," Sam said, just as shocked as Annie was as they watched Gene disappear into the bedroom, and motioned for her to go on ahead of him. She walked into to find Gene getting undressed, his shoes already off. Sam glanced at him and walked over to her small stereo and flipped it on.
"Bleedin' mood music, is it?" Gene said, taking off his shirt and grimacing.
"No, we like to fall asleep to music. I'd prefer a white noise machine but Brahms is good."
"White noise what?" Gene asked, and Annie threw him a 'just don't ask' look, shaking her hands, and he nodded in understanding. Gene stopped at his underwear, but Sam did not, and Annie could not decide until she felt Sam behind her, undoing her bra. He was just being affectionate, not sexual, and Gene tried not to look. Annie laughed. She turned off the light as Sam crawled in and she settled in next to him. Gene was sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Girl should be in the middle, Sam."
"Why?"
"She's the girl." Gene said it, his exasperation clear even in the dark.
"Gene, get in bed. This isn't a porno."
"My luck."
"Maybe later."
Annie laughed into Sam's chest. Gene finally moved and got in. "Thinkin' I should be in the middle, then."
"My kingdom, my rules. I'm in the middle." Sam sounded smug.
"My flat!" Annie grumbled.
"Girl's got a point."
"I will not 'put out' for either of you if you don't shut up and settle down."
"Wonders never cease, Sam Tyler telling someone else to shut up." Gene grumbled, and Annie felt his long arm coming to rest over both her and Sam as he curled in next to them. "This ain't gonna work."
"Why not? We're here, aren't we?" Annie asked, panicking, reaching out to stroke Gene's chest in reassurance. Her arm rested over Sam, who kissed her lightly.
"I mean, the no shagging part." Gene's hand floated down her waist to her hip.
"I knew it."
"Knew what?" Gene sounded defensive at Sam's pointed comment.
"That you're just here for the sex."
"You're bleedin' kiddin'…Christ you sound like a girl. Of course I'm here for the sex!"
"Nothing else?" Sam asked, pulling Annie closer to him, and she suspected that he was dragging Gene into him as well, or at least trying.
"I admit to nothin' that can be held against me later."
"I won't be 'oldin' anything against you later at this rate." Sam snapped irritably.
Annie was trying not to laugh, but not succeeding well, and Gene tickled her waist so she howled and curled up into Sam, slapping Gene's arm, and he leaned over so he was hovering over both of them. She felt him move and gently kiss her on her forehead just as he did after making love to her in the basement, then move to kiss Sam in the same way, finally laying back down and relaxing completely. Annie laid her arm over his, closing their embrace of Sam, who just let out a very deep breath but did not say anything for once. Annie thought Gene fell asleep first, but she was not sure, because soon she was asleep herself.
She woke up to motions in the bed, and it took her a second to register that something was different, and that the difference was Gene. He was on top of Sam, and they were kissing, grinding at each other breathlessly, Sam's legs spread wide and kicking into her. She stayed still for bit, watching them in the muted light that come from the window, thinking that this was erotic and sexy like nothing else in her life ever was before and not wanting it to end. Gene began kissing down Sam's neck and Sam responded with purrs and whimpers, pushing his hips up against the older man. Gene glanced over and saw her watching, and froze. She turned on her side and ran her fingers over his face and through his hair, and he began kissing Sam's skin again. She saw his hand reach out and felt him run it down her body, shoulder to hip, slowly, as he moved down Sam's chest, kissing him. He was going slowly, for all that, and it occurred to her that they probably were never allowed the luxury of time before.
Sam was groaning and rolling, his hands on Gene's back and his eyes closed. "God, fuck me, please…Gene…please…"
Gene pulled himself up, and Annie knew that he going to penetrate Sam, and fuck him, and she wanted to see that. She rolled over and turned on the small light on the bed stand, and light flooded over them. The men looked at her, Sam guilty and Gene surprised, and she laughed at them. She pulled open the drawer pulled out the lube that Sam bought them, not long after he began telling Annie of his and Gene's 'exploits' and she wanted to know what it felt like, down 'there.' It was great, she found out after the initial pain and surprise, and she knew why Sam wanted it from Gene, understanding that for men it was even more intense. She rolled back to hand it to Gene, who was sitting back on his heels with Sam spread out in front of him, massaging Sam's ball sack as Sam whimpered in anticipation. Gene looked from the lube in her hand up to her face.
"Make yerself useful." His eyes narrowed in delight and Sam's eyebrows soared as he flushed in embarrassment. Annie rolled up and tucked herself next to Gene, kissing him hard.
"Oh god…yesssss…" Sam moved under them, legs pulling in to wrap around them both as he pushed his hands into the mattress, his body desperately moving while he watched them; her eyes were closed as Gene assaulted her mouth, but she could feel the squirming mass that was Sam next to her. She pulled back and lubed up her fingers, leaning over Sam and running her hand down behind his ball sack and brushing her fingers over his entrance, the puckered skin twitching at the touch. He was staring at her, his breath short and shallow, as she pushed a finger in. He groaned her name and threw his head back, pushing down against her. She had never done this before and she glanced up at Gene, who nodded, and she pushed in a second finger.
"Slow, girl, go slow…spread 'im out…give 'im a nice salute…" Gene coached quietly, grinning at her as Sam writhed. Sam began huffing for air, and Gene reached down and pulled her hand away. "Give me some." He put his hand out for the lube but she shook her head, lubing up her hand again and running it over Gene's cock. "Damnation, Annie…" Gene gasped, grabbing for Sam's legs. He leaned forward instinctively and she guided him in, running the lube over them, then turning to start kissing Sam's chest. She knew this, what he liked, and she did it as Gene loomed over them, pushing slowly into Sam, who was shaking all over. Gene was undone, somehow, the anticipation finally breaking him, and he sailed into a powerful lust, pumping into Sam so hard that Annie finally just fell over Sam's chest to help hold him in place. She felt Gene's chest brushing against her own back, he was over them so far, and then she felt him bite her shoulder. She cried out in surprise and it sealed it for Gene, who yelled out and fell onto them, his body pounding them both and balls deep into Sam, who whined in reaction as Gene came.
Gene pulled himself up and sat back, and Annie turned her head to look at him. He was glazed and flushed and smiling, trying to catch his breath. He looked at her and then at Sam, who had not come and was furious, glaring at him in betrayal.
"Got to save something for the missus, Sam." Gene said, reaching down and pulling Annie up, who realized after a shocked beat that Gene was talking about her. She let him manhandle her around so that she was in front of him, facing Sam, her legs on either side of his hips. It was easy to understand what was next, and she lowered herself onto Sam's cock, both of them gasping from the heat. Sam slapped his hands onto her thighs and pushed up, slamming into her, and she leaned forward and pressed her hands onto his chest, and this was familiar, and comfortable, and they moved quickly into a well rehearsed pace until Annie felt Gene pressing against her back. He kissed her neck and she gasped, stopping, throwing Sam off, who opened his eyes to figure out what changed. She rolled her head to the side, allowing Gene full access, and he took it, running his tongue up her skin to her ear, and she started shaking as his hand went the other direction, running down her belly to her clit, his fingers shoving her skin aside in his heat to get at her. She gazed at Sam through lidded eyes, and he was utterly possessed, watching them with his intense dark eyes. His body was out of his control as he rhythmically pushed into her and she groaned, feeling him pumping inside of her and Gene's fingers frantically rubbing against her and she came, nearly howling, slamming herself down and back, against the men, her hands flying up to grab the back of Gene's head to pull him closer. She barely registered it as Sam came, curling up into a sitting position, his entire body throbbing with the energy flowing out of him. Sam threw his arms out and around both her and Gene and pulled, falling backwards with them landing on top.
Gene was laughing as he rolled off, pushing them away, as she and Sam gasped against each other. Gene lay still, then put his hands behind his head and looked over at them. Sam arms were laced loosely around her waist, and her head was on his chest, turned to look at Gene. He stared back, taking them in, and she saw it again, the cold emptiness that was possessing him for so long. Just a flash, a regret of some kind, but it was there. She reached out to grab him but he got up.
"Goin' to go clean the equipment." He said, walking into the bathroom. Sam looked at her.
"What?" He whispered.
"He…doesn't believe us." Annie frowned, rolling off of Sam.
"I thought it was my job to make things complicated." Sam grumbled, crossing his arms. "What do we do?"
"Sam…that night I found him in the alley…well, we talked. He was all over the place…"
"Tell me about it, Ray got a black eye trying to help me get him in the back of the Cortina." Sam smiled at the memory.
"Listen!" Annie smacked him in the arm and he looked at her, startled. "He was…he was sounding like you used to. Talkin' about how dead he felt, and…I don't remember. But he just sounded so empty. He just kept asking me to repeat his name over and over, like, he could not remember who he was."
They both looked furtively at the open bathroom door, listening to Gene in the shower.
"Still don' know what to do, Annie." Sam shrugged and Annie sighed in aggravation. "You can't make a man believe something."
"What made you believe?" Annie asked quietly. She never quizzed him much on that time that led up to the train robbery, when Sam was simply off the deep end and nearly betrayed them all to their deaths. He left them, then came back and saved all their lives, and while his betrayal as an undercover officer was not quickly forgiven, he earned their trust back eventually. It was a frightening time then, though, when he believed he was leaving for good and she believed he had turned traitor on Gene. He simply never discussed what happened to him in that train tunnel, ever.
"The idea that I had failed." He focused on his hands, their world narrowing down to his words.
"But, if you failed, then…how did that make you believe in us? Come back for us?"
Sam sat up and folded his arms over his knees, looking down at the sheets. "It was selfish, Annie. I felt dead when I made the choice to turn on Gene. Dead. Like everything I cared about or loved was a lie; then I woke up and…well, nothing was real. I was cold all the time. The only time I felt warm was remembering you. And Gene. I left you both to die and it was the wrong choice, but the only way to go back was to give up everything I thought I believed in. I made a selfish choice to come back for you, so I failed there too, but at least…I could save you. Maybe I really am dead now, but I feel alive. I only feel alive here, with you and Gene. I could never lose either of you and live. Not really. But…it was selfish, Annie, all of it was. I did everything because of what I wanted, not out of love. Now I just try to love you and love him as much as I can to make up for that. That's why I don't care how much he hurts me, how hard he fucks me. If that is what he needs…I'll take it." Sam lowered his head and placed his hands behind it, as if holding himself down. Annie was shocked, unable to speak, not sure if she was glad she heard any of this or not.
Gene was at the foot of the bed, and had been, but Sam did not see him.
"If he wants to leave, Annie, we let him. Whatever he wants. I can't…I don' have the right to ask for anything from him. Or you. I'm sorry. I know you love him too and if you want to be with him…then I'll go. Damnit, anything to keep you two happy…I got no right…" He shook his head and bowed down further. Annie stared at him, close to tears because she knew she was not happy about anything he said, but completely at a loss. Half of it did not make sense, and the part that did was devastating. She turned desperately to Gene.
Gene sat down and stared at Sam, who finally registered he was there. His head snapped up and they locked on each other for a few moments before Gene turned to Annie.
"Not to comment on your ways, Annie, but you need soap in here that a man can wash in without coming out like a poof."
Annie stared at him and Sam's mouth dropped open.
"I bought that soap." Sam said indignantly.
"Figures." Gene pulled the sheets down and crawled up the bed, none too gracefully, and threw himself between them. "Sam, lie down."
"You're staying," Sam said, in shock.
"Think so. I'm not the selfish bastard you are."
Sam laid down, speechless and looking small and ashamed as he curled into Gene, holding him like a lifeline. Annie petted his face, reaching over Gene to do it, and Gene ran a comfortable hand down her back.
"Annie, be a love and turn off the light. Got too sleep sometime."
EPILOGUE
Hunt never sold his house. When Annie and Sam announced their engagement, Hunt declared that since they were not living in sin anymore (to a loud round of scoffing from everyone, including Annie) he was willing to rent out the downstairs to them, because it would be good to have someone about to help with the garden. When they were finally, legitimately married, they spent some of their savings to buy into the house with Gene. No one questioned that a fine upstanding man like DCI Gene Hunt, a divorced bachelor with no children and no other family left, would adopt the good looking, professional couple into his life. People did it all the time after the War, and sometimes, they still did.
That they somehow never got around to partitioning off a 'bachelor pad' was never observed or commented on. Neither was the fact that DCI Hunt regularly escorted Mrs. Tyler to boxing matches, or that Hunt's bedroom was right next to the Tylers' instead of downstairs as was proper. There were rarely rumors to any of that.
Of course, when the 'Tyler' children started arriving in an odd mix of tall, stocky sandy-brown haired boys and stunningly delicate brunette girls, it was another matter entirely.