1. Real, Live and in Person

"See, Sammy Boy, this is why I'm the sheriff and you're the deputy…"

"If you would jus' listen! You were wrong about…"

"Shouldn't you two be kissin'?"

"What?

"Who the hell is she? What'yer doin' in my office? Who let an American in here!"

"I came here for the slash. Happy man-sex. Come on, give it a go."

"Right. Cracked in the head. Must be related to you."

"I didn't let her in! Who are you?"

"Never you mind. I don't want my mother finding out I was here…snap snap! I'm on lunch break, so get with it. Can't you throw him up against the filing cabinet or something?"

"Listen 'ere, you bloody perv, you don' belong here. Sam, escort the looney foreign bird to a nice padded cell."

"Now, miss, I think you should come with me…"

"I'd rather you come with him. Look! He's bloody gorgeous!"

"Crazy bird with taste. Wonders never cease."

"Gene!"

"Sam, look at him! Feet on desk, shirt open the required three buttons, a sensuous smoky haze filling the room…oh come ON! Don't you find him sexy?"

"Yeah, don'cha?"

"GENE!"

"Please? I told you, I'm on lunch break…"

"It's almost six…"

"It's the time zone difference. Can't you guys at least get a quickie in?"

"If yer offerin'…"

"No! Not with me! With Sam!"

"Tits on a toaster, you can't be serious."

"I told you I'm here for the slash…"

"That would be you."

"No, Gene, no: slash, not gash…damn, you guys just aren't going to cooperate, are you?"

"He never does, why should now be any different?"

"True."

"Hey! You two keep that up and there will be some screwing – screwing yer heads back on!"

"Dirty talk! Love it. Isn't that doing anything for you, Sam?"

"Giving me a headache, more like."

"Knew you was a girl. Get a headache 'fore the action starts."

"You were SO not going to have sex with me just now."

"Fine, Miss Priss, keep yer knickers on."

"No? I'm sure he really, really wants you take him, don't you, Sam?"

"Who are you again?"

"Never mind. My break's over. Damnit. Fine. I'll try again later, maybe someone will have posted some PWP before I get home…"

"…Thought she'd never leave."

"Odd bird…well them Americans are all noisy gits anyway…now we're alone, Gladys, get yer peaches over here for a nice creamin'."

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