1. Response and Responsibilities

Nicholas’ life fell apart when he was out of town, and if he was not so focused on his work and responsibilities, it would not have happened. He was in London on business and to visit family which was almost like business, so he told Danny they would vacation together some other time. Danny actually drove him all the way to the station to catch the train and they shook hands on the platform as Nicholas boarded. As long as he lived, he would never forget Danny standing there, like that, as a man – a partner – who belonged to him and him alone.

It was not a relationship, of course. Nicholas was bi and to a point comfortable with that, but Danny was a country boy with very little experience and an obvious appreciation for women. Nicholas knew that liking women did not necessarily cross out the other gender entirely, but he never picked up that interest in Danny. Much. There was the one time when they were drunk and wrestling, when Danny groped him clumsily and they ended up kissing for several hours. The next morning Danny sheepishly asked Nicholas if he remembered anything, and for the first time Nicholas looked his partner in the eye and lied dead to rights. Danny was both relieved and disappointed at Nicholas’ assertion that he did not remember anything, but by the time Nicholas registered the ‘disappointed’ part of that expression, it was too late to back peddle. It remained Danny’s secret.

For over two years life for Nicholas’ was next to ideal, aside from renegade swans and the repressed sexual tension that was a one-way street. Then he took that trip to London, and even as he came back and assumed life was normal, the forces of fate were slowly wrecking his world. Danny picked him up at the station when he got back and everything, absolutely everything, seemed just fine.

Nothing prepared him for the day two months later when Danny came into his office, lit up like a Christmas bulb, and told him that he, Daniel Butterman, was going to be a father. He was ecstatic, and Nicholas congratulated him as best he could without falling down in shock. It was going to be quick wedding, naturally, but the girl’s father slapped Nicholas on the back one night at the pub during one celebration or another and told him that kids will be kids, and as long as his grandchild had a last name, he was happy. Nicholas only nodded.

In private, Danny explained that it was just a mistake. While Nicholas was in London, Danny went to the pub alone and went home not alone. He liked the girl, Nancy Reaper (a cousin of James Reaper, but no one talked about that branch of the family anymore), who was two years behind him in school. She was pretty in a stout, country way with charming freckles and, Nicholas was forced to admit, a fantastic recipe for raspberry pie. She was not very bright, which annoyed Nicholas to no end, but Danny acted pleased with his acquisition.

Except when they were alone, in Danny’s flat. He tried to keep up the excitement, and it was not hard when he talked about being a father soon. It was much more difficult for him when he talked about being a husband.

“She don’t like movies much, and well, she don’t understand me bein’ a policeman officer.”

“What do you mean?” Nicholas reached to turn down the volume on the TV.

“Well her dad’s got that farm, and I think they were hopin’ she might marry someone to help take it over, yeah? But I can’t do that.”

Nicholas nodded, trying to think of something to say other than ‘for god’s sake call it off!’

Nicholas was best man, although he let the Andes plan the bachelor party, which in all regards Nicholas realized was a mistake. At least, he thought so. They invited Doris, a fact everyone thought quite reasonable despite Nicholas’ protests, and they got three girls from Flappers to strip at the station office, which Nicholas insisted was inappropriate. Somehow, Nicholas still ended up drunk with one of the strippers on his lap, and that photo was permanently glued with epoxy to the station wall outside of the Andes’ office. Nicholas forbade them to put up the one with Doris down to her bra and slip on Danny’s lap, although he knew without a doubt that it was stashed somewhere in the building.

Given the entrenched families involved, and the tentacles of blood-ties that ran throughout Sandford and the neighboring villages, it turned into one of the biggest weddings of the year. As Nicholas stood at the front of the church with a very nervous Danny, looking out at all the people he had come to care about in the village that he now called home, and watching the man who was his best friend and in many ways his only friend get married, Nicholas understood that his life there was over.

He waited until the child was born and Danny was flying high on the joys of late night burpings and milk warmers then put in for a transfer back to London. It took a while; his rank worked against him in this case, and it was during the party for Little Irene’s 7th month birthday party that he was finally offered a position in London. He waited until the next day to tell Danny.

“Wot?”

“You’ve got a family, now, Danny, and my career will stagnate if I stay here too long. We’ve always known that.”

“What’s my havin’ a family to do with it?”

Nicholas stuttered. “Well…I mean…”

“You’re leavin’ because we can’t spend every night on the couch watchin’ movies?” Danny was mad and Nicholas felt himself back peddling pathetically.

“I just meant…things change, Danny. It’s not that specifically, although I do miss our times together, I have to admit…just…”

“I’ll set you up with Cousin Rachel.”

Nicholas stopped. “What?”

“Rachel’s an accountant and pretty, too, and she runs marathons. I think you just need to settle down, Nicholas. I’ve got a family now and I understand what my dad always told me, about being a father making a man of you. Com’on, Nicholas, stay here. It’s a good life here, in Sandford. ”

Nicholas was gone within the month.

---

His job was not quite a desk-bound one, but close. He agreed to take charge of a unit that was universally maligned and avoided and turned it around within six months, earning three more commendations in the process. His staff was friendly – for Londoners – and remained formal, distant and professional when interacting with him. He got the distinct impression that he intimidated them, and found proof of that when he accidentally came across the print out of a personal email describing him as the “Angel of Hell”. Not the first time someone made that joke, but it took on a different resonance when used by his administrative assistant.

He ate dinner with Janine and Dave, who were officially engaged, and he pretended to enjoy it. The experience made him question who he used to be; nothing about Janine was appealing to him anymore, not her looks or her laugh or her job.

There was one redeeming aspect to London, and it was the sex. If Danny and life in Sandford taught him one thing, it was how important relaxing and enjoying yourself is to happiness. In Sandford, that meant pub nights and, well, Danny. In London, that meant finally getting laid. Repeatedly. He decided that he was tired of being wound up like an unspent top and took to the rounds enthusiastically, always keeping his conquests separate from work and never committing to a second date. He arranged his sex life for maximum efficiency and precision, and it fit his life well as long as he did not start thinking about emotional intimacy or Danny.

He talked to Danny regularly over the course of the two years that followed. He received many – many, many, many – photos of Little Irene, and once in a while of Little Irene and her Daddums. They plastered Nicholas’ office and his home, and he spent far too much time at the stores before the holidays trying to decide between the little constable uniform costume or the Official Met Police Roller-Wheel Wagon and deciding, in the end, on both. Ironically, it was the man who sent him to Sandford who called him out. Sergeant Francis Diamond was not a friend, but something of an acquaintance, and never visited. They usually just nodded in the halls and talked amicably at meetings. Nicholas still had not forgiven him for sending him to Sandford in the first place, against his will, although he knew it was rather unfair of him to keep holding a grudge. Being promoted ahead of him, though, was at least something.

“Cute.”

“She’s nearly three.” Nicholas did not look up from his paperwork.

“Well, ‘inspector,’ she’s adorable.”

Nicholas looked up and smiled. “I think so.”

Diamond stared at him. “You’re smiling.”

Nicholas cleared his face and nodded. “I do that occasionally, ‘sergeant.’ So why are you here?”

“You’ve got her picture everyyyywhere.” Diamond walked around the office that, Nicholas had to admit, was nearly wallpapered with Little Irene. “I don’t have this many photos and I got three little ones.”

“Yes. So, you are here because?...”

“Mm? Oh yes. Chief Inspector retirement party. I’m sure you’re happy to see him go…Oh, what a cute little constable costume!” He pointed at one of the photos in delight.

“Yes, Christmas present. The party?...”

“Oh YOU got her the little uniform! Oh that’s just too cute, really, it is.”

“Sergeant Diamond! You were saying?...”

“This her other daddy?”

“Yes.” Nicholas ground his teeth and then registered what Diamond said. “What?”

“Handsome.”

Nicholas blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Well, in an adorable way. Cuddly. And such lovely brown eyes…” Diamond leaned in, inspecting Danny. “Certainly not what I thought would be your type.”

Nicholas worked his jaw but no sound came out of him.

“They make such a cute pair, though. And her eyes… she’s something of your side of the family, no?” Diamond looked at him expectantly, but Nicholas could not talk. “Well no shame in it man! However you get to be a father these days is still good in my book. You should be proud. So! Party, tomorrow night, at the Regency Pub on Bottle Lane. At seven. Oh and Sally, his secretary, is collecting for a present so try to get a few pounds to her by tomorrow afternoon. That’s all then, ‘inspector.’ Tell your homebodies you’ll be home late tomorrow!” Diamond pointed at the photos, gave him a ‘ta ta’ wave and walked out.

Nicholas stood in the middle of his office, floored, and speechless. He looked around and saw that his office was nothing more than a shrine to a man he loved and the daughter that was not his.

His entire staff stood in shock as he told as them that he was leaving early for the day, and was not going to be in tomorrow, and gave them absolutely no reason as to why.

The next few months were agony. It was as if that simple exchange with Diamond opened up a deep, abandoned mine in Nicholas’ heart and he spent most evenings alone, drinking, looking at photographs and re-reading five year old newspaper reports about the take down of the NWA. He avoided Danny’s calls and pretty much anything that was not mandatory at work.

The messages Danny left for him were all fairly cheerful, although he sounded stressed. With a three year old and a housewife to support on a sergeant’s salary, Nicholas could understand why, though. He always called Danny back from the office, where he was sure someone would interrupt him within ten minutes with something that needed his signature or approval so he could make an excuse to get off the phone. Danny kept leaving messages on his cell phone but did not call him directly at work. Nicholas never told him not to, but it was something of an unspoken agreement that right now was working to Nicholas’ benefit. He felt terrible about avoiding Danny – and Little Irene, who was calling him ‘Unka Wick’ – but he felt even worse when he did talk to him.

What bothered Nicholas the most was not his new understanding of his feelings for Danny and the baby, but that there was absolutely nothing he could do to resolve the matter for himself. It was a one-way street as it had always been and Nicholas was in London, watching from a distance as Danny constructed a whole life that just barely included Nicholas at all. Sometimes when he was well into his drinking he thought that he made a mistake by leaving Sandford, that Danny might have needed him somehow, but then he’d look at the photos of the joyously happy ‘Daddums’ holding his precious child and Nicholas knew he made the right choice. He was not fond of Nancy Reaper Butterman but she was the mother of Danny’s child and she was Danny’s wife and Nicholas knew instinctively that he could not ever compete with that.

Sometimes he feel asleep looking at Danny’s photo but holding a picture of Irene in his lap. He expected, once, to have some kind of influence in her life, even if just as an ‘uncle’ in London. He wanted to buy her a ‘police’ cart like he once had, and maybe get her into track or football. There was even the small part of him that wanted her to be proud of Danny and even himself, to admire them for being police officers, and maybe someday follow in their footsteps. It was maudlin sentimentally of the highest order, and he wallowed in it, knowing that now, given his feelings and his heartbreak, the only right thing to do was let them both go.

---

Nicholas was going over scheduling with his assistant Susan when his desk phone rang. He looked and recognized Danny’s cell phone number on the LED readout. Surprise and worry battled him down and he picked up the receiver after four rings, right before it went to voice mail.

“Nicholas?”

“Danny. How are…what’s wrong?” It took a second for Nicholas to register the tone in Danny’s voice, and when he did, his first thought was that something happened to Little Irene. Susan looked up from her notes at the change in his manner.

“Nuthin’, ‘spose.”

“Danny? Is our little girl alright?” Nicholas pressed, ignoring Susan’s raised eyebrows.

“Oh yes, Nicholas, didn’ mean to make you worry. No she’s fine, over with her grandmum right now.”

“Really?” It was odd. Nicholas knew the child’s schedule as well as any doting uncle, and right now Little Irene would normally be at home with her mother.

“Yeah.” Danny sounded very down, not sad or upset just kind of dull. Nicholas waved Susan out and moved around to close the door behind her.

“It’s good to hear from you, Danny.” Nicholas said carefully, trying to keep the conversation neutral but open as he sat back down.

“Y’not been returning my calls.”

Nicholas held in a sigh. “Been very busy here, lately. I’m sorry.” He decided to keep it simple, no long winded excuses. Not as if the truth was an option, anyway: ‘sorry, realized that I’m madly in love with you and wish I was there so we could raise your daughter together like an old married couple. Thought it best not to call.’ No, not quite the suitable response.

“Hmmmph.” Danny grunted and was silent for a while.

“Danny, tell me what is bothering you.” Nicholas coaxed, but Danny remained quiet. “Is it Inspector Fielding? Is she…” He trailed off. He knew Fielding by reputation and knew she was a very by-the-book, honest officer and was probably a fantastic Inspector, especially since she grew up in Gloucester herself. Danny never complained about her before in the last year and half she was installed at Sandford, so any ideas down that road stalled in Nicholas’ brain.

“No, no; she’s a great Inspector, really. Hassles the Andes to death.”

Nicholas laughed at Danny’s definition of what a ‘great inspector’ does in Sandford.

“It’s Nan.”

Danny’s wife. He did not talk about her much and Nicholas knew that aside from Little Irene and a night of unprotected passion nearly three years ago, the two did not have much in common. Even now.

“What’s going on, Danny?”

“Well we been having fights, you know. I guess you do, when you’re married. Not that I remember mum and dad ever getting on like that…she wants me to quit the service.”

“You have got to be kidding.” Nicholas was in shock, knowing what his answer would be to any similar request.

“No. I told you ‘bout her father’s farm and all that. Well they all want to join the family business. I told her I ain’t a Reaper, you know, I don’t farm. I’m a police officer.”

“Of course you are, Danny. And you are good police office. The best partner I ever had.”

Danny was silent again for a bit. “Yeah, you too, Nicholas.”

“So what’s happening that Little Irene is with her grandmother?”

“Nancy moved back in with her folks.”

Nicholas sat back in his chair, stunned. He could not imagine how terrible this was for Danny, in a small village, married to one of the other oldest families there. This was probably causing fractures within the whole of Sandford society.

“Danny…you never said things were that bad.”

“I guess I never thought they were, Nicholas. I thought she knew that I would not quit the service. But…we just kept fightin’ about…a lot of stuff. Always makes the baby cry…” Danny sounded utterly devastated at that last, just torn apart. Then Nicholas heard him take a deep breath. “Now Nan says she fancies Tom Dyer.”

“Oh my god. Danny…” Nicholas did not have any idea what to say. Suddenly the door to his office opened and Susan looked in.

“Everything alright?” She looked worried and Nicholas realized that she was watching him through the windows to his office, and he probably looked as horrified as he felt.

He nodded vigorously and waved her out again, trying to compose himself.

“Who…who is Tom Dyer?”

“A farmer. Andy’s fourth cousin by his great aunt Imogene and that Irish bloke.”

None of that meant a damn thing to Nicholas. “Oh, right. Well…so how serious is it with them, then? I mean surely…Danny?”

“I don’t know, Nick.” Danny said it very quietly and with almost no emotion whatsoever, and it was the worst sound ever to cross Nicholas ears.

Nicholas swallowed. “Divorce?”

“Maybe.”

Part of Nicholas was launching off on an encouraging lecture about how this was the right thing to happen, that Danny and Nancy were not good for each other, that Danny was certainly making the correct choice by staying with the service and getting rid of this millstone around his neck. He said nothing, even as his brain immediately clicked on how he might get Danny transferred to London and then…he physically shook himself. He knew there was only one thing that Danny cared about right now, one person he would sacrifice anything for, and it was not Nicholas.

“Irene…”

He heard Danny give a small gasp and knew the man was fighting back tears. “She says…we’d share her, you know? Like visitation rights and all…I guess…my little girl…” Danny completely broke down and Nicholas was fighting back his own tears of anger and worry for his friend. He leaned forward over his desk to hide his face. In case anyone was looking.

They stayed on the phone for an hour, discussing the likelihood of a divorce – strong – and what Danny could do to cope, and how Danny could work visitation rights for Irene, which was nearly impossible for them to talk about because Danny could not make complete sentences when they did. Finally Nicholas did the only thing he really knew how to do.

“I’ll arrange with Fielding for you to take some time off. You’re coming up to London and staying with me for a week. Just to get away and clear your head, explore your options.” Nicholas said it in his best ‘inspector’ voice and it worked. Danny gave in without a fight, saying simply in the end, ‘Nan won’t like it.’

Fielding turned out to be a charming but fierce woman ‘of a certain age’ who brooked no nonsense. Nicholas really regretted not having the opportunity to work with her, as she sounded just like the kind of mentor he could respect. She had been an inspector for twelve years after fighting her way through the ranks the hard way and told him straight up that she intended to retire as one, in a small place like Sandford, with her wife Sherri.

“Excuse me?”

“Well we aren’t supposed to talk about that, are we? Somewhat against the regs, I know, Angel. But from what I understand you’re the open minded type. Hope to meet you someday; everyone here right worships the ground you walk on and keeps talking about getting you back. Mind you I’m not much threatened by that.” She gave him a full-throated, friendly laugh.

“Yes, well, of course I look forward to meeting you and…Sherri, at some point….”

“As for Danny, what a good officer. Does the service proud, that kind, doing everything by the book and keeping his uniform straight and filling out paperwork in a timely manner. A few of the…others…could take lessons from him. I know he’s in a bit of rough spot with his wife, you can really read that boy…er, him, like a book. And of course the whole village is in an uproar; you’d think it was Charles and Di all over again.”

“I have no doubts about that, Inspector.”

“I’ll clear his request for you. Good idea to get him out of the village for a few days, let him clear his head. Someone like you will…um…certainly help him deal with things.” She paused meaningfully and Nicholas wondered what the hell she was talking about. “Take care of him, Inspector Angel, and send my sergeant back to me in good shape, eh?” She said it in warm, professional tones and Nicholas realized that this respected and decorated officer truly, honestly valued Danny on her team. For some reason, that made Nicholas very proud.

---

Danny arrived four days later, looking crumpled. Nicholas nearly tore the cell phone out of his hand, as he kept calling the Reapers to check on Little Irene. Nicholas sympathized, but talking to his soon-to-be ex-wife every fifteen minutes was not helping Danny’s nerves much at all. Nor Nicholas’.

When they made it into Nicholas’ house, a nice two story duplex on the east side of London, Danny stopped cold inside the door. Nicholas had a small foyer that contained a delicate, wrought iron table covered with pictures of Little Irene and Danny. Nicholas put a hand on Danny’s shoulder.

“You put up all the pictures I sent you?” Danny sounded amazed.

“Yes. If not here at the house, then at work. I’m afraid I get ribbing about that.” Nicholas picked up Danny’s suitcase and angled around him to take it upstairs. Danny stood in the foyer for a bit before following after him.

Nicholas did not make any big plans. He had to work for the first two days, unable to secure a full week off, but he set Danny up at the house with a bunch of videos and food and almost no beer. Alcohol-induced weeping was not on Nicholas’ agenda, at any point. When he got home they sat on his couch and watched movies side by side just as they always did, and by the third day Danny looked rested and was only calling after Irene every few hours. As they ate breakfast that morning, Nicholas just sat back and watched as Danny went through a range of noises and fatherly utterances of devotion to his little girl. It was literally heartwarming to watch and Nicholas knew he was sitting there smiling like a goofy fool.

“Wot you starin’ at?” Danny asked defensively when he hung up.

“You.” Nicholas shrugged and turned back to his food.

“Just talking to my girl.”

“I know. You love her.” Nicholas smiled again. “I do too, you know, in my own way. Perhaps…well, I wish I could know her better, myself.”

Danny’s expression took a dark turn. “Nan…doesn’t approve of me bein’ here.”

“What could she possibly object to? And isn’t she the one filing for divorce?”

“She threatened to fight for full custody if I came.”

Nicholas nearly dropped his fork. “Is she mad?”

“What, like crazy? No. Not that kind of mad.” Danny stopped there.

“Then what? What on earth could possibly move her to threaten you like that? You’ve agreed to every demand she’s made, short of quitting the service.” Nicholas was furious and threw his fork down, rattling Danny, but he was past caring, red with outrage. “How dare she threaten us! And take away Irene? We’ll fight, Danny; I’ll get every barrister in London on this, and I know a few. Don’t you dare let her do this with our girl!”

“Nicholas!” Danny shouted and Nicholas sat back in shock. Danny did not look mad, but he was getting flushed just the same. “Listen to yourself! Why is she doing this? ‘Our girl’ and ‘threaten us’ and ‘we’ll fight’! Damnit, Nick, that’s exactly why she’s doing it!” Danny hit the counter with his fist but the exclamation was unnecessary. Nicholas got the point.

They sat still for a second. “She can’t possibly believe…Danny, that is absurd.” Nicholas nearly stuttered, feeling himself blush unwillingly.

“What, that I’m a bender? That you and I aren’t off shagging in the bushes whenever her back is turned?” Danny was full on yelling.

“I’m in London, Danny! Does she really believe I’m sneaking back to Sandford to shag you in the bushes?!” Nicholas yelled back.

“No! No!...no…just…it’s what she thinks, Nicholas.” His temper dropped as quickly as it flared and he sat back into his seat like a lead weight.

Nicholas rubbed his face, completely flummoxed on how to continue the discussion. Finally he decided he had to say something, anything, to bring Danny back from where ever his mind had drifted off to, which was certainly no place good.

“We both know that is not true. And whatever rumors were going that started her thinking this absurd idea are not true. We know that. She has nothing to stand on. And I do know some barristers, Danny; they can get you pointed in the right direction for help. Don’t let her do this to you because of her own disappointment with the marriage.”

Danny sniffed hard, not near crying but just trying to take a deep breath. “I won’t. But…it’s not…” He flushed red again and looked at his hands, then slowly leaned over and propped himself up on his elbows. “It’s not about the farm or the service or anything like that. It never was. It’s about…me.”

“How so? What are you talking about?” Nicholas shrugged, exasperated.

“She got proof, Nicholas.”

“What?” Nicholas blinked, and blinked again, confused. “Proof? I’ve been in London for two years…what on earth could…”

“Witnesses.” It was all Danny said and he buried his face in his hands.

“To WHAT? Danny! All we ever did was watch movies at your flat! Drink at the pub! Walk the beat! This is ludicrous!” Nicholas leaned back, spreading his arms wide, yelling again. “She have proof that I ate a cornetto in the police car while on duty!?! Jesus Christ!”

Danny put down his hands but kept looking at the table. “You remember…no, you don’t.” He breathed in deeply, steeling himself, and this was Nicholas’ first clue that he was going to be blindsided. “Once, one time…you was drunk. We were wrestling…you don’t remember, I know, I asked if you did…” He stopped, and in that pause, Nicholas’ entire world exploded in sudden awareness of where all this was going.

“Danny…” He said it softly, almost like a warning, but Danny was not listening.

“Oh god, Nick…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…I know we’re mates…partners…but…there’s somethin’ in me, and…” He was starting to cry, but fighting it, and it made talking difficult. Nicholas sat in his chair, unable to move or even think. Danny might believe that Nicholas was innocent in all this, but he knew better, and he was devestated. “I…we was wrestlin’ and I didn’t mean nothing by it….just a kiss, you know? I meant it to be funny, but then it wasn’t and…we kissed for a long time. Oh god…” Danny wrapped himself in his arms and looked at the ceiling.

“No one was there, Danny. No one knows about that.” Nicholas said, staying neutral.

“I know. You don’t remember and I never told anyone but…then Nan was pregnant and I was getting’ married and you was transferring to London and everything was just so wrong, Nicholas. Irene…she was about the only happiness I had left.”

Nicholas leaned forward and rested on the table. “Danny, kissing a man one time when you are drunk is hardly proof of homosexuality. And I’m certain that no one saw…us.”

Danny shook his head, missing the implication in Nicholas’ phrasing. “No one had to, Nicholas.”

Nicholas shook his head in turn. “I don’t understand.”

“You can’t understand, I guess. I was so unhappy, Nicholas. Confused…an’ you weren’t there, yeah? So I had no one to…ask or anything. Not that…I know you’re not like that, Nick, not like…me.”

Nicholas’ heart dropped and he came to the clear, vivid understand that he should never, ever have left Sandford.

“What happened after I left, Danny?” Nicholas leaned forward and looked Danny in the eyes.

Danny did not answer for a long time while they stared at each other, clearly fighting out how he wanted to tell Nicholas what haunted him. Finally he drew in a breath and straightened up and looked directly at the wall. “Fielding…she’s good, you know?”

Nicholas squinted, confused by the swerve in the conversation. “I’ve only ever talked to her on the phone a few times. Seems like a very capable officer.”

“Oh yeah, she’s that. You know…she’s got this friend…”

“Her wife Sherri. Yes. She told me.”

Danny looked shocked. “She did?”

“Well, yes, she’s rather open about that, isn’t she?”

Danny raised his eyebrows in disagreement. “Not really, Nick. Everyone knows, ‘course, but she’s real shy about it.”

Nicholas could not reply to that, because it was exactly the opposite of his experience with her.

“Anyway, we was talkin’ one night at the pub. The Andes made some smart comment about us, you know, like they do, and kept callin’ you a bender an’ all. She just jumped on ‘em, Nick, like guns blazin’ – you shoulda’ seen it. I don’t think they stopped burning for days.” Danny gave him a very little, very sneaky smile.

“Danny, what does any of this have to do with the proof you think Nan has about you?” Nicholas tried to steer the conversation off Fielding’s defense of his sexuality, which suddenly made his conversations with her a lot more understandable.

“We talked about it. What the Andes said. She told me it was okay, and all about her an’ Sherri…and…” He stopped, flushing again. “Nick…I think she thought…we…well, what with everythin’ folks said, you know…we…” Danny sighed. “I let her think that. It was nice to have someone understand, Nick. I didn’t mean to make her think that…about you, you know. I’m so sorry.” He bowed his head, close to tears again. The emotional roller coaster was taking its toll on Nicholas, who leaned forward and set his head down on his arms.

“No, Danny, I’m the one who is so fucking sorry.” He looked up into Danny’s surprise. “You might be beating yourself up about it, but in all honesty, I thought it was a marvelous kiss.” He looked straight at Danny as he said it, uncertain of whether it was the right thing to say, but saying it anyway.

They stared at each other, Danny deep in shock. “You said you didn’ remember!”

“I lied.”

If possible, Danny looked even more shocked.

“I lied because I thought you would not be able to handle it. Honestly, Danny, I lied because I was worried of what you would think about yourself. Or me.” Nicholas ran a hand over his short crop of hair.

“You?” It was all Danny could manage to say.

“Yes, Danny. Me.

“…So you remembered? This whole time you been lyin’?” Danny acted more upset about that than what Nicholas was implying by the confession.

Nicholas nodded slowly. “Yes, I remembered, and yes, this whole time I’ve been lying.”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I told you…I didn’t think it was something…well, I did not think it was something our friendship would survive. And I refused to let that happen. You are my best friend, Danny; I thought if you felt uncomfortable around me, I would lose that.”

Danny nodded. “I guess I felt the same way.”

Nicholas was almost numb from the repeated shocks to his system, so he just nodded at that. “I still don’t understand, Danny, what proof you think Nan has.”

Danny shook his head as if shaking off a bad dream. “Me. With a bloke.”

Nicholas shot up straight in his chair and shouted the first question that hit him. “WHO?”

Danny sat back in surprise and Nicholas realized that this road of inquiry was probably not appropriate to these particular circumstances.

“Never mind, it’s not my business. I guess I mean…how? The proof, I mean!” He was stuttering, trying to straighten out his words to match his thoughts.

“Doesn’t matter. Some bloke off Derby Lane, I met walkin’ the beat. It never really was him, though. It was always you, I guess; and Nan saw that and I didn’t and she just ripped us apart with her jealousy. Every time you called she’d threaten to leave and why do you think I never visited you before? She always said I’d come here and never go back…as if I’d leave Irene, ever…but she didn’ believe me and she was just mad with jealousy…well, she had her brother watch me, with his camera, right? One night.”

“Sweet Jesus, Danny…”

“Nothin’ serious, just some cuddlin’ we did, but…s’nough, yeah? So she’s got proof, Nicholas. And she can take Irene if she wants to, and there won’t be nothin’ I can do about it.”

They sat in silence for a long time before Nicholas got up to move away what was left of their breakfast, and then sat down again. Danny looked at him critically.

“So are you one, then, after all? A bender?” Danny asked it so sincerely that Nicholas could not laugh, although he wanted too.

“Sometimes. To be honest, Danny, I’ve been, er, active since I moved back. Nothing serious, but…I don’t sleep alone all the time.”

“With blokes?”

“Sometimes, Danny. I was like that before I ever moved to Sandford, though; it has nothing to do with you kissing me late one night when we were drunk.”

Danny snickered, a small sound that lifted the mood just a bit. “It does for me. I guess I could really lay this at your feet, Nicholas. I don’t think I would ever kiss a bloke, until I tried you.”

“Don’t you dare!” Nicholas laughed, just a little alarmed by the idea.

“Naww…” Danny laughed too, at very long last. “But that’s it, Nicholas. That’s why she threatened me with Irene, because she already told me she wanted a divorce, so she couldn’ use that anymore. Because I am a bender, and she knows it…and she hates you.” Saying that, Danny finally composed himself. He folded his hands on the table and looked at Nicholas, relief and worry still written on his face, but something of the old Danny Butterman shining through in his eyes as if a the truth telling between them lifted a huge burden from his soul.

“Hates me, does she? And I never laid a hand on you. Seems unfair.” Nicholas teased.

“Well, Nick…”

“Oh no, you kissed me. Not the other way around.”

“You didn’ exactly fight me off, as I now know you remember.”

Nicholas just smiled, enjoying the banter as it lightened the mood. “You want some more tea?”

“Not really. Could use a lager.”

They both laughed and Nicholas poured tea for them. “Danny, I know it isn’t my place, but I care for Irene too. I don’t want her separated from you; it would kill you, and that would kill me, not to mention that it would be wrong. You need legal representation. Please let me help you.”

“Nicholas, it would only prove to Nan what she thought all along.”

“Danny, let me be clear about this: I do not give a FUCK what Nancy Reaper thinks.” He said it even more fiercely than he meant to, and quickly drank half his tea, burning his tongue.

“I guess I don’t either, Nicholas, since you put it that way.” Danny raised his cup in a salute. He set it down and then reached across the table, grabbing Nicholas’ hand. Nicholas was lightly squeezing Danny’s fingers, trying to be supportive, when he felt the tug. Danny’s grip was too tight and he did not lighten up as he physically dragged Nicholas out of his chair.

“Danny…”

Danny pulled him into a tight, fierce hug, then brought one hand up around his neck to grab the back of Nicholas’ head. He pulled him down into a kiss that was every bit as marvelous as Nicholas ever remembered or dreamed of, and they did not make it out of the kitchen for a very long time.

SEVEN YEARS LATER

There were a few visits back to Sandford, usually when Irene graduated a class or had an important football game. Sherri Goldstein turned out to be a magnificent homebody and Nicholas and Amy Fielding took very long jogs together in the morning to work off the dinner and dessert and drinks from the night prior, before being forced into a large country breakfast later. It was always difficult for Danny to visit, to see the life his daughter had without him, but he handled it well enough at least when she was around. Often, Sherri arranged for him to chop wood or clean the gutters or generally work up a sweat in hard labor whenever he became mopey. Nicholas approved.

Irene was a large girl but grew up under Nicholas’ sharp eye and became lean and strong, rather than soft and round. He taught her how to kick a ball and they sometimes sat together alone in the yard after his drills and talked about her father or her mother or school or, eventually and to Nicholas’ horror, boys (which was about the time he began teaching her self-defense). She even visited London twice a year, which Nicholas called his ‘divorce week’ because he rarely saw Danny at all except as he shuttled Irene about visiting places.

Inspector Fielding finally retired, much to the Andes great relief. Before she sent in her paperwork, she held a private discussion with the Chief Inspector at the Met and while no regulations were directly broken, Nicholas walked into work one day to be told by Inspector Francis Diamond that he was being transferred to Sandford, Gloucester. Indefinitely. And would he be so good as to let Sergeant Butterman know of his transfer as well?

Danny nearly broke down at the news and spent three hours on the phone telling his entire family and anyone he might distantly call a relation that he was coming home. When he called Irene, he could not even speak so Nicholas sat on the phone as intermediary and after hearing her complain about placing second in the last track meet, he explained to her that her father was finally moving back to Sandford. She was silent for a few moments.

“Nick, does that mean you too?” She asked quietly.

“Yes, yes it does. I’m being installed as the head of the department in Sandford…my old position, as your father might have told you at some point.

“Good, ‘cause dad would not be happy here without you.”

Nicholas sat on the phone, speechless. It was true, of course, but he never expected her to quite get that. Certainly not at ten years old. He was reminded yet again that somehow, she managed to take after him more than either of her natural parents.

“Well, I…would not be happy if he were there without me, Irene.” Nicholas said it rather stiffly, not used to discussing these things with anyone but Danny, who was staring at him now as if he just dropped his trousers in the middle of Waterloo Station.

“You know mum doesn’t approve.”

“Many people don’t, Irene. It’s not like when you stay with us here in London. It’s something you will have to deal with a lot when we get there.”

“Oh they say stuff all the time already. Don’t think that’s gonna change.” She said it in a frankly sincere tone of voice.

“It might get worse.”

“Whatever. People are just jealous ‘cause both my dads’ are such rockin’ awesome policeman officers, that’s all.”

Nicholas handed the phone back to Danny, unable to speak, one hand over his mouth as he tried not to cry.

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