No additional warnings for this scene.
Danny knew Rachel Harris very well. She was a cousin of his, a few years older and pretty in a crisp, sophisticated kind of way. An accountant and a marathoner, she was smart and in shape and no one was surprised when she and Nicholas started dating. In fact, it could be said that Danny set them up. He certainly did not mean to, but it is hard to ignore family when they walk into the pub and sit down next to you and start complaining about their shared Aunt Margaret’s impending, and universally dreaded, holiday party. Danny was begging Nicholas to be assigned to work late, very late, as late as humanly possible the night of the party, and Rachel began lecturing Danny on family responsibilities and duty. Anyone watching could see the light go on in Nicholas’ eyes.
It was serious from the start. There was no possible way it could not be, with those two committed, dedicated individuals who approached everything in their lives with thoughtfulness and precision. Nicholas forgave her strict Anglicanism, and she forgave Nicholas’ being from London, and in every other aspect appeared perfectly matched. Everyone who knew Nicholas thought he was damn lucky to land her, and everyone who knew Rachel also thought he was damn lucky to land her. Some people, such as Danny, even thought that she was damn lucky to land him.
“She’s like Janine, only with a sense of humor. And being here, in Sandford…Danny, I just can’t tell you how pleased I am.” Nicholas sat on Danny’s couch talking blissfully over the movie and annoying the piss out of Danny. “Especially with you here. You know you are going to be our best man.”
Danny foundered. “You asked her already?”
“What? No. No, I don’t think I have. Need to do that…we’ve been talking about it of course but women like those romantic moments they can write about in their diaries.” Nicholas nodded thoughtfully. “Probably at dinner. Chez Francois, you think?” It was the only French restaurant within a 20 kilometers.
“If you like that kind of food.” Danny sniffed.
Nicholas laughed. “Can you see me down on my knees, Danny?”
Danny most certainly could, and looked carefully as his beer, trying to think of something else entirely.
“Wait, I think it is down on one knee. Perhaps I should ask Doris…” Nicholas’ thoughts trailed off, oblivious to Danny’s blush. He kept on nattering about the wedding and Danny kept drinking, hoping that this night would end soon. His life too, for that matter.
It was not that Danny thought he was gay. Daniel Butterman was not a bender, despite what the Andes always said. No, he just happened to like blokes every now and again. No harm there, even the bulls in the herds sometimes got on each other. His feelings for Nicholas ran deeper than a quick grope in the back of a barn, though, and if he ever decided he was actually a bender, it was going to be because of Nicholas Angel.
Not that there was a hope in hell of that now he was helping Nicholas plan his wedding.
The wedding itself, of course, went off without a hitch. The bride planned everything to the last detail and never broke a sweat while the groom stayed the hell out the way. Danny went to the Andes in a panic about the bachelor party, who took it over to everlasting infamy. Doris was not invited but showed up anyway, proving to have some untapped talent at pole dancing, and Tony ended up in the village square fountain without his trousers. The Andes, it was rumored, were planning a Mediterranean vacation based on the take they got blackmailing various attendees with the photos from the party.
The honeymoon was in France for two weeks. When they got back, Rachel moved into the cottage with Nicholas, and promptly redecorated it top to bottom. Nicholas shrugged, telling Danny that it was nice not to have to worry about it himself. As the months went on, Nicholas seemed less happy about his life, as far as Danny could tell, but it was just a feeling and Nicholas always chirped, when asked, that the marriage was outstanding and the best thing ever to happen to him.
They agreed to one movie night a week. Rachel did not mind, as any good village wife would not, and when Nicholas was sitting there next to him Danny could almost pretend that everything was exactly the same as it used to be. Nicholas never talked about Rachel on movie night which suited Danny just fine.
One night, though, Nicholas was definitely ‘in a mood’ and Danny was beginning to feel more like his wife than anything. Finally he stopped the movie.
“Wot the matter with you?”
Nicholas looked startled. “Nothing.”
“You’re lyin’. Don’t expect me not to know.” Danny smiled, laughing at the absurdity of Nicholas trying to pull one over on him.
Nicholas shook his head. “Small stuff, Danny. Just things that bother me…”
“Can’t stop thinkin’?” Danny grinned at the old joke, but Nicholas did not.
“No.”
Danny cocked his head. “Ey, Nicholas, what’s the matter, then?”
“I’m not sure...”
“If you don’t know, no one will. Korrr, Nick, you got to know what is making yourself upset.” Danny shrugged, confused, took a swig of his beer and then stopped dead at the look on Nicholas face. It was absolutely unreadable; Danny had never seen anything like it before. Nicholas was staring at him, silent. His entire body language was odd, and everything about him looked cold. Danny stared back in horror. “Nicholas…?”
At the sound of his name, something clicked, and his body collapsed out of the tense pose, as Nicholas lowered his face into his hands. He was not crying, and in fact looked more like he was hiding. Danny could not, would not accept that from his best friend, and grabbed his shirt, pulling him over into a trademark Butterman bear hug, much as his own father once did for him when he was a confused young man. There was nothing sexual in it for Danny, as much as he might have expected there to have been, and he just calmly and quietly held on to Nicholas, rubbing his back. Nicholas pushed his face into Danny’s chest, rubbing his skin over Danny’s shirt, and Danny really had no damn idea what was going on, but he did not release him or question him or push him, and he was very surprised to discover that Nicholas fell asleep that way, buried in his arms, looking for all the world like a blissful child in the hold of someone they love and trust.
In that instant, when Danny asked him what was bothering him, Nicholas at long last knew what was bothering him: Danny. The self realization shocked him to his core and he thought he was going to die of asphyxiation there on the couch. He always understood that his love for Rachel, whatever love there was, did not compare to the companionability and the dedication he felt towards Danny. What he did not expect to discover was his desire for her to paled next to Danny as well. He collapsed into Danny’s arms, completely at a loss as to what the hell he was supposed to do next with his life.
Several weeks later they were out doing a follow up call at a small homestead in a very rural part of the area. It was officially their day off, but Danny promised Tony to do it as a favor in return for covering over his being late to work twice in one week. He did not explain it quite that way to Nicholas, stating only that he just wanted some company on the trip. Nicholas pointed out that they should technically sign in, but Danny shrugged and won that argument. They rolled out and found the family much recovered from the domestic disturbance of the week before and plying the ‘fine off’sirs’ with tea and homemade pie.
“This is a pretty area.” Nicholas commented as they drove off.
“Yeah. ‘Ey, we’re not on the clock, yeah?”
“No. Just doing a favor for Tony for no particular reason, according to you.”
Danny nodded, straining to look ahead. “Turn ‘ere.” He pointed, and Nicholas did. After ten minutes of rough road, they came up to a harvest barn, used once or twice a year only, and right now lying as fallow as the fields around it. Danny knew it well; most boys in the area did. He was actually surprised and relieved that they did not drive up into some teenaged rutting session, as it would be hard to explain to Nicholas about the ways of country boys who were not much allowed to get on with girls without supervision. No one felt that boys needed chaperones when they went off into the fields together, and just as well. Danny had many fond memories of this particular barn loft.
It was a very old barn and picturesque, though, which was why he brought Nicholas to it. He knew Nicholas appreciated the older buildings and would value the inherent beauty and charm of this spot. It was something worth sharing, and Danny felt pleased with himself when Nicholas jumped out of the car to go exploring.
“How old is this barn, Danny?” He asked, hands on hips, staring up at it.
“Old, s’pose. A few hundred years, I dunno. This is Charlie Lewis’ farm, here, been in the family for generations.”
“It’s exceptional.” Nicholas took off and ran inside, leaving Danny standing outside with his hands deep in his warm jacket. He knew the inside well enough not to feel pressured to follow and figured he would just wait for Nicholas to come back out.
“Danny!”
Danny looked up, surprised.
Nicholas was sitting up at the barn loft door frame, legs hanging out, perched like a teenager.
“This is wonderful, Danny!”
“Nicholas, get down. It’s a barn.”
“Yes but the view! You really need to come up here.”
“Nicholas, I been up there. Plenty.” He felt himself blush and he coughed. “Er, you get used to barns growin’ up around here.”
“Are you okay?” Nicholas looked down on him, worried.
“…Just a bit warm from all the running around….er, get down, Nicholas.”
“You won’t come up here and sit with me?” Nicholas sounded ridiculously hurt and Danny was left speechless at the childishness of the exchange. Nicholas looked up at the view again. “I suppose not. I just…am not in a hurry to go home.” Nicholas voice dropped by degrees.
Danny took off his heavy jacket and marched into the barn. The climb up the ladder was familiar and he was soon sitting a little ways back from the ledge. “Not a big fan of heights, Nick.” He said, peering out.
“I never knew that.”
“We didn’t get to climbing up much walking the beat, did we?”
“No, we didn’t. Here, I’ll move back.” Nicholas drew his legs up and scooted back to sit next to Danny.
“Why you don’t want to go home, Nicholas?”
Nicholas shook his head. “Problems. Married problems, I suppose. Rather private, Danny, I don’t feel we should talk about it.”
Danny shrugged. “We can if you want to.”
They sat in silence, watching the scenery, and as the time passed Nicholas gently leaned over and rested against Danny’s shoulder. It was not too different than the way they sat on the couch, but the manner of Nicholas’ mood and the darkening atmosphere around them as the sun set changed everything.
“Nick, what’s wrong?” Danny nearly whispered, and remained still. Nicholas turned to rest his forehead on Danny’s arm.
“We just…it’s hard to talk about, Danny. It is very personal.”
Danny did not know what to say. Nicholas did not sound emotionally wound up or anything that Danny would know how to deal with; he was quiet and confusing and closed.
“It’s so…odd. You are closer to me than Rachel is in so many ways, and yet I cannot even talk to you about this.”
“S’okay, Nicholas. Whatever you need.”
Nicholas sat up, surprised. “What?
“Whatever you need, Nicholas. I’m your partner, remember? You can count on me.”
Nicholas nodded absently but the look on his face was so pained, so grief stricken, that Danny instinctively just wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Nicholas leaned in again and pressed his face into Danny’s chest, quietly. He was not crying and Danny was sure that he was thinking too much but they sat there together for what felt like hours as the sun went down.
Danny did not really think about what he did next, and it was probably due to the many assignations that he had in that very spot as a teenager that it seemed so natural to him. He turned into Nicholas, forcing him to look up, and then leaned them slowly backwards together as he rest a gentle and loving kiss on Nicholas’ lips, settling himself just over his friend. He brought his other hand over and ran it up and down Nick’s neck and chest, and he felt Nicholas responding to the kiss, drawing him in, opening his mouth and gasping at Danny’s touches.
This was familiar to Danny. The only way he ever seduced anyone was by surprise, and he was good at keeping the momentum going, to keep his conquest from thinking twice about what was going on. He kissed passionately, teasingly, and it drew Nicholas into the experience and they made out as if they always did this, it was just that natural. Slowly Danny moved his hand down and he felt Nicholas’ stomach flutter at the touch, but he kept going, and at the crucial point where the top of Nicholas’ pants began, he shoved Nicholas’ face to the side with his chin and kissed his ear deeply as he slid his hand down underneath the fabric. It was an old trick for him, but it always worked. Nicholas gasped for air at the dual attack and was unable to determine how to resist and so, simply, did not.
Danny rubbed Nicholas’ erection slowly at first. They were still kissing and Nicholas’ hands were running over and around his shoulders and arms. Danny traced his kiss back along Nicholas’ jaw and to his lips, hearing Nicholas saying something.
“Oh god, oh god, it’s been so long…” Nicholas sighed and rolled his hips, pushing his hard-on into Danny’s hand. Danny picked up the pace of his strokes, waiting for what he wanted as Nicholas kept talking through the arousal. “I can’t do this with her, Danny…I can’t…”
“Shhh, Nick. Don’t talk about that right now.” Danny tried to quiet him, but as always, even now, it was nearly impossible to get Nicholas to shut down.
“Why? Here? I can do this…” Nicholas was sounding desperate and scared, and his hands grabbed at Danny’s shirt. Danny purposefully started jacking him off harder, just to get him to shut up, and it worked. He kissed Nicholas’ neck as he felt his friend start to roll into something larger, and his motions became natural and fluid and his cries more urgent. Finally Nicholas threw his arms out to his side to try and push himself up but Danny leaned harder into him and watched as Nicholas grimaced and growled and came into Danny’s hand. Nicholas collapsed and shook in relief, sweating, and laughing. Danny milked his cock and caused him to suck in a searing breath of surprise, then carefully drew his hand out of Nicholas’ pants.
He saw Nicholas watching him with glazed and contented eyes, and Danny knew what was next. He knew what he wanted and he was going to do it, so he forced his free arm under Nicholas and drew him close to him in a tight, unforgiving embrace. He brought up his hand covered in Nicholas cum and smelled it, the scent of Nicholas on him.
“Danny!” Nicholas nearly giggled in surprise, but Danny ignored him. It was always like this, when it happened. No one understood and he simply had to take what he wanted, every time. He brought the hand to his mouth and delicately licked the fluid that was congealing on his skin. He felt Nicholas recoil in his clutch, but Danny did not let him go.
“Danny, stop!” The disgust was clear in Nicholas’ voice, and Danny looked at him. He was still flushed from his orgasm, still soft and beautiful and open, even as he tried to react to what he saw Danny doing. Danny would never do what he did next to anyone but Nicholas, and he knew it, and it turned him on. He dropped the hand to Nicholas’ face and smeared his mouth with his own semen.
“Jesus Christ!” Nicholas lurched forward but Danny could not stop. He rolled right onto Nicholas and plastered his mouth on his skin, sucking the taste of Nicholas off his own face, and it was explosive for Danny. He was practically eating Nicholas’ face, searching for every last taste of him, as he straddled him. He reached his other hand down into his own pants and started on himself as he continued to move between Nicholas’ face and the hand he used on him, trying to capture every flavor that Nicholas had. Nicholas stopped squirming at some point, but Danny was past that as he gasped and panted and desperately licked and sucked. He came with his own fingers in his mouth as his face slid against Nicholas’ cheek, both covered in the wet slime of Danny’s saliva.
He finally looked at Nicholas with lucid eyes again a moment later. He would not apologize. Long ago he learned that no one appreciated or understood what turned him on and he simply accepted that rejection as part of the whole process. But Nicholas was not angry or disgusted or pushing him off. He simply looked back at him in surprise.
“I never…thought that.” Nicholas said simply. Danny dropped his head onto Nicholas’ shoulder.
“Don’ mean to upset you with it. Jus’ the way I am, Nicholas.”
“It was surprising.”
Danny snorted and rolled off of Nicholas, sitting up. Both of his hands were officially ‘dirty’ but there was not much to be done about it. He smiled; it had been a long time since he carried it anywhere near that far. “You feel better now?”
Nicholas sat up, and blinked into the dark, inky night outside the barn. “Yes.”
“Good. Let’s get back into town.”
Nicholas looked at him in surprise. “You act like this is normal.”
Danny laughed. “I know this barn real well, Nick. A lot of boys do, ‘round here.”
Nicholas’ jaw dropped as he finally understood that he was simply parked at lover’s lane. Danny laughed.
“Ehyyy, Nick. What ‘appens here stays here, yeah?” Danny got up and carefully climbed down the ladder. He washed his hands in a nearby water pump while Nicholas trailed silently after him.
As they settled into the car, Nicholas put his hands on the steering wheel but did not start the motor.
“Danny?”
“Yeah, Nick?” Danny reached up without thinking and brushed a hand over Nicholas’ cheek. Nicholas closed his eyes.
“I can’t do that with Rachel. I…I’ve been impotent almost since we got back from the honeymoon. It’s driving us both mad. I’ve been to doctors and…pills…nothing really works for long.”
“Don’t seem like you got much of a problem to me.” Danny trailed fingers over Nicholas’ mouth. If he had his way, they would go back to his flat right now and do everything all over, only without clothes or stale hay.
“God you’re turning me on again.”
“Okay, then.” Danny smiled.
“No, Danny. This can’t be right for me. I do love Rachel, I really do…”
Danny pulled his hand back. “I dunno, Nick. Everything works, yeah? And you taste great.”
Nicholas snorted and started laughing so hard he shed tears. Danny punched him in the shoulder and they finally drove back into town.
That night Rachel greeted him as he walked in the door to go over the mail. As she dropped pieces onto the foyer table, explaining each in turn, Nicholas reached out and grabbed her skirt and pulled her into him. Surprised, she smiled, and he remembered why he married her.
It was the first sex they had shared in over ten months, and it was fantastic.
Nicholas shied off that week’s movie night, and Danny let him, understanding something of the discomfort he might be feeling. The second week, as they walked out of the station, Danny was not about to back down.
“It’s a movie, Nicholas. We done this lots.”
“I just have some things I need to do around the house…Rachel, you know…”
Danny tapped his arm so that he stopped and looked at him. “The barn’s the barn, Nick. It ain’t my flat. Nothin’ goin’ to happen.”
Nicholas looked unreasonably relieved. “Okay, then.”
They watched Bad Boys II again and had a few beers and relaxed. When the movie ended Nicholas sighed. “This is good, Danny. Thanks.”
“How’s…things?” Danny asked, figuring he needed to approach that topic at some point.
“What? Oh…great, actually.”
“Really?”
“You…erm…worked.” Nicholas smiled sheepishly and then laughed. Danny smiled and tried not to think too much of the lean, relaxed body stretched out next to him or the man who inhabited that body. He promised sanctuary and he never wanted Nicholas to feel uncomfortable here.
“Danny…”
“Yeah, Nick?” Danny tried to sound relaxed and leaned back too. When he looked over his heart started beating so hard he thought he was going to faint. There was no mistaking that look, in any man: desire, need, pressure. Danny reached out and placed his hand on Nicholas’ leg, and as Nicholas rolled his head back and sighed at the touch, he ran his fingers up his inner thigh. He stopped there for a second, and then pulled away. Nicholas looked over at him, surprised, and hurt.
“You got Rachel, Nick. It’s not right for us to do any more than we done.” Danny was breaking his own heart, but he was in many ways an old-fashioned country boy, and he knew what he said was true.
Nicholas looked utterly ashamed at the rebuke, and made to get up and leave quickly. Danny jumped up and stopped him. “No, no, that’s not it, Nicholas. Just…we’re friends, yeah? Sit down.” Danny did not wait for Nicholas to do it himself and pushed him back into the couch. As Nicholas bounced a bit on landing, he looked up at Danny, surprised again, and confused.
“Serpico.” Danny smiled and pulled the DVD case off the coffee table, where he stashed it earlier. “Rachel won’t mind you getting’ ‘ome a bit late every once in a while.”
Nicholas’ shoulders relaxed and he gave Danny a sheepish grin. They stayed up late, as they had always done before, and fell asleep resting against each other’s shoulders before the credits ran.
It was a run over to Northwest Wapping for supplies. They could buy most everything in Sandford or just order what they wanted online and have it shipped, except that Nicholas took some kind of pleasure in driving all the way over to the small city and shopping for exactly the kind of file folders he wanted. He loved office supply stores and could spend half the day in one, comparing pens or tabbed separators or printer labels, and most everyone in the department learned very quickly to let him go by himself or risk slow death by office supply torture. This time, Nicholas was not about to let that happen and stopped by Danny’s flat early that morning to pick him up.
“Ugh, Nick, I’m on schedule today!” Danny glared at him through the half-opened door.
“I switched you out with Doris. She did not mind, apparently she had not, er, quite been to bed yet so decided to take the early shift and go home after lunch.” Nicholas chirped happily, oblivious to Danny falling asleep in the doorway. Danny was bustled into his clothes and a cup of coffee and soon they were on the road.
They talked about work and few other things, and the day went by quickly except for the three hours Danny spent sitting in a display office chair while Nicholas bounced around the store, trying to debate with the clerks about the performance value of gel ink roller ball pens.
Nonetheless, despite a good show, Nicholas wanted Danny along for a reason. Danny noticed over the past week or two that there was a tension building in Nicholas, and he expected that ‘things’ were not working with Rachel again – he overheard a few heated discussions Nicholas had with her on the phone at work. He both dreaded and hoped that Nicholas would need Danny to ‘work’ on him; it was wrong, morally, to do anything with someone who was married and Danny toed that line. Up to a point. But since their afternoon in the barn a few months ago, Danny’s fantasy life had ratcheted up to the point that the taste of Nicholas was his obsession.
As they headed back towards Sandford in the afternoon, Nicholas took a slight detour and Danny knew where they were going, and he figured out why. Nicholas parked beside a small, picturesque pond and in the early afternoon light the water glistened beautifully.
“Nice. Always liked Kelly’s Pond.” Danny sighed, leaning the seat back and folding his hands on his chest.
“I should have known that you knew this place.”
“Sure. Mr. Dyer’s farm is just that’away.” Danny pointed, and the look on Nicholas’ face told him that he did not know what he was talking about. As usual. It seemed to Danny that Nicholas had some kind of mental block about getting the map of the district properly in his head.
“So things with Rachel bad again?”
Nicholas looked surprised at the question. “That? No. No, we’ve been…well, it’s been satisfactory for both parties, I believe.”
Danny was surprised, and in one small, shameful way, disappointed, but he rallied himself. “Then what, Nicholas? You seem distracted.”
“I am.”
“You an’ Rachel been fightin’, though.”
“That…yes. But that has to do with her job.”
“Her job?” Danny squinted, wondering what Nicholas could object to about accounting.
“She’s been offered a position with a prominent accounting firm in London. Very lucrative, and quite a step up. I told her that I’m not leaving Sanford.” Nicholas spoke as he looked out over the pond.
“Cousin Rachel? Move to London? Aunt Peggie ‘ould have a fit.” Danny whistled, and Nicholas laughed.
“My marriage is cracking up on the shoreline of London and you’re worried about your Aunt Peggie?”
“Oh, yeahhhh,” said Danny, meaning it very sincerely.
“Who is Aunt Peggie, Danny?”
“You ain’t never met my Aunt Peggie? Oooo…lucky.” Danny whistled again.
“Is she really an aunt or just another relative you call an aunt?”
Danny squinted. “Not sure, actually.”
Nicholas laughed again. “Aunt Peggie and I agree on this matter, at least.”
They sat in silence again for a while. Danny was not worried about Rachel and London; Nicholas said he was not going, and so he was not going. Danny trusted him in that. But even so, something was still wrapped up in Nicholas’ mind, bothering him. Danny exhausted his options of what the problem could be, so he finally reached out and tapped Nicholas’ temple.
“What you got goin’ on in that melon of yours?”
Nicholas turned in the seat so he was sitting almost sideways and looked at Danny, worried, and tired. He reached out and placed his hand on Danny’s shoulder, but it was not the touch of a friend or a partner; his thumb moved in languid circles and soon he was rubbing the upper part of Danny’s arm, feeling him, exploring. Danny was too conflicted to say anything, because what he should say was the opposite of what he wanted to do.
“I think about it. Us. Sometimes when I’m with her, I think of you. I know somehow that is wrong but I cannot stop. I know this is wrong but I don’t want to stop. I’m not confused, just…conflicted? But I need this.”
“This?”
“You.” Nicholas pulled himself into Danny’s lap and began kissing him.
It was nearly a replay of their time in the barn, although in these cramped quarters they managed to pull open and down their pants to the point of easy access. Danny played his game on Nicholas, more confidently this time without fear of rejection, and held on tight as Nicholas gasped and groaned on top of him.
“Oh fuck…yes…fuck! Danny!” Nicholas came, nearly wrenching himself out of Danny’s grip before falling against him, panting. Danny cupped his hand over the top of Nicholas’ cock in order to catch every drop of him. He brought up his hand again with a quick worried glance at Nicholas, who was just resting on him, glowing, watching. Danny smelled and reached out his tongue to taste when he felt Nicholas move.
“Aren’t you going…like last time?” Nicholas raised his head, genuinely confused, and Danny nearly died on the spot. No one ever asked him, no one ever allowed him, it was always something he had to take and never twice. He reached his hand out and smeared Nicholas’ jaw, chin, and lips, and as he moved in to kiss that face, that beautiful face, he felt Nicholas hand drop down to his own cock and start stroking. Danny was overcome by the turn on, the hard-core passion he had for this act, and for Nicholas, and he nearly attacked him with his mouth.
At some point he felt Nicholas wipe his hand over the top of his cock and pinch the head. Danny gasped and pulled away as Nicholas pulled back himself. Nicholas drew his hand up and inspected his fingers, and Danny realized they were coated in a small amount of pre-come…his own. Nicholas brought the fingers closer to his face and smelled, and Danny groaned, moving his free hand to start stroking himself, incapable of holding anything back. Nicholas glanced a look at Danny then back to his fingers, and then hesitantly, delicately like a cat, licked.
Danny felt his body explode from every direction.
Their hook-ups were irregular, and timed to what Nicholas wanted. Danny wanted him every day and twice at night, which was obviously not possible, but he at least got him every few weeks. It was always hand jobs, although Danny indirectly offered to go down on him. Nicholas shook his head and said that he liked things as they were.
Nicholas also insisted that his sex life with Rachel was great, never better, and there the conversation ended. That Nicholas was cheating on her with another man, and that Danny was playing fuck buddy to a someone who was married, they did not discuss at all.
Nicholas did not feel particularly guilty. His life with Rachel was nearly two years old now and he was simply not happy. She was a fine woman and not cold or mean. They argued about her standing offer to go to London but he knew that she was not going without him. She was old-fashioned in many ways, very devoted to her marriage and to her role as wife and would simply not take any action that might lead to a divorce.
But to him, she was like nice furniture. A part of his life that was obviously important but not something he felt a great emotional attachment too. He realized that he never was actually in love with her – at least he could say that much about Janine, in retrospect – but rather in love with the idea of what she represented: a good life, in Sandford, with a family, near Danny. Now, though, he had no way to fix it. He could not think of any truly suitable reason to divorce her, and go through all that trauma, to lose what, from an objective point of view, was working out just fine. There was always what he was doing with Danny, but he managed to simply dismiss that as some kind of ‘uncommon’ stress release. That it was sex instead of a game of tennis was a point he refused to think about, as well as the fact that his feelings for Danny were ten times more intense than any emotion he ever shared with Rachel.
His married sex life continued alright now but mostly due to Nicholas’ intense fantasies about Danny. When he felt his erection lagging at inopportune moments he imagined the look on Danny’s face as he tasted Nicholas, and the charge from that simple idea would send him directly down the path to an orgasm. It was the same way that night, and they were far enough along into it that he felt comfortable coming. He was inside of her, on top, her legs wrapped around his waist as he methodically pushed into her. Her eyes were closed and she had come earlier once already so he picked up his pace and began an earnest pounding with his hips. Still, he felt his brain slip and he knew what was going to happen if he did not think of something, anything, to make himself come. So he did. He rounded his back to force himself further into her, gasping, imagining, and soon he tipped over that edge.
“Yes…ohgod…yes! Danny!”
Nicholas called out from work. Everyone sat in the office, stunned, and looked at Danny, expecting him to at least know what was going on. He shrugged, just as confused as they were. Later he called Nicholas on his cell phone but did not get an answer. Everyone was worried, no one more so than Danny, but he did not want to intrude on Nicholas. So they waited. Nicholas never tried to reach Danny at all.
The next day Nicholas walked into the office looking destroyed. His expression and his manner brooked no interference or prying and everyone stayed tied to their desks in near-terror. Later in the morning Danny finally walked into Nicholas’ office and closed the door.
“What is going on?” He stood in front of Nicholas’ desk with his hands on his hips. That this was about Rachel, he did not doubt, but what could elicit this kind of reaction from Nicholas stumped him.
“I cannot talk to you about it.” Nicholas sat formally in his chair, looking at the paperwork on his desk which he obviously had not been working on.
“I’m your best mate. Your partner. Who else you going to talk to?”
“Not you.” Nicholas was starting to get angry, which only confused Danny more.
“Nicholas! What is wrong?” Danny leaned forward and put his hands on the desk.
Nicholas sprang backwards and stood up, furious, and red with rage. “GET OUT!”
Stunned, Danny nearly fell backwards. Nicholas did not back down or apologize, just stood there blazing with his finger pointed at the door. Danny turned and walked out. It was clear from the fact that no one looked at him that everyone heard Nicholas yelling. This turned the mood to a deep melancholy and no work got done at all. Late in the afternoon, Doris and Danny huddled with Walker, reading the paper, just trying to find any excuse not to talk about Nicholas, when Rachel walked in. She marched through the room and into Nicholas’ office without knocking and slammed the door behind her.
“We know wot the problem is,” Doris said, wrinkling her nose.
“Wife.” Walker nodded wisely.
In less than thirty minutes Rachel walked out. By now the Andes were lurking outside their office and Tony was conspicuously doing nothing at his desk, trying to find an excuse not to go to lunch on his lunch hour. They all stared, unashamed, at Rachel as she passed through them. When she got to the door, she paused, then turned and walked back to where Danny was leaning against Doris’ desk. The look on her face was pure, unfettered hatred, but Danny did not have time to prepare before she hauled off and slapped him in the face so hard he stumbled to the side. He held his cheek in shock and no one moved. She raised her hand to do it again, and Danny was not going to stop her – she was his cousin and a woman and he would not do anything to stop her – when Andrew’s hand wrapped around her wrist like a vice. The Andes stood next to her, towering over her, reeking of menace and displeasure.
“I think it’s time you moved on, Mrs. Angel.” Andrew said calmly as he lowered her arm and began pushing her towards the door. She fought him off and tried staring him down as the Andes formed a solid wall between her and Danny.
“Fuck off. All of you.” She spat and walked out.
They all looked at each other and then, slowly, turned around. Nicholas was standing in the doorway, frozen, his face an expression of despair. Danny realized that he had watched the whole thing, and not done anything to stop Rachel’s attack. Nicholas looked at him briefly then stepped back into his office and closed the door.
That was when Danny understood exactly what was wrong.
“Wot the fuck that bitch on about?” Andrew looked at Danny. Danny rubbed his cheek but did not answer for a while.
“Andrew, you mind watchin’ the door?” Danny asked.
The Andes shrugged and went to guard the front door.
“No. Not that door. That one.” Danny pointed at Nicholas’ office.
“Oooohhhh….” They said it as one and marched over. Andy pulled up a chair and set himself right in front of the door as Andrew leaned against the door frame. Thus established, they nodded at Danny. Nicholas was not getting a chance to leave unattended.
Nicholas sat at his desk, his head lowered into his arms, the divorce papers sitting in front of him. Rachel pulled no punches and wrote out in those papers that her reason for requesting a divorce was because her husband was having an affair with a man. She did not name Danny but Nicholas knew that anyone who read those papers would figure out exactly who she was referring to. He destroyed his life by playing with fire, and destroyed Rachel’s with one name called out in one brief moment of passion. The basis for this divorce could get him investigated on his job, and treated as an outcast pariah in the village, and destroy his friendship with Danny. And whatever else he had with Danny, he could not fool himself about it anymore: he was in love with him.
He did not blame Danny, and he was not mad at Danny, but right now Danny represented every mistake Nicholas made, from marrying Rachel to sex in the barn to just saying the wrong damn name.
He heard the Andes talking right outside his door, and looked up, wondering what was going on.
The door opened and Nicholas tried to walk out but ran into Andy’s head. He stopped and looked down at Andy, who spun the chair he was on around to look up at Nicholas. Andrew stood up and stepped in and between the two of them blocked the door completely. Nicholas just stared at them in surprise.
“Going somewhere, Angle?” Andrew asked.
“Yes, I am leaving. I think that is obvious.”
“No, it isn’t obvious, is it, Andrew? Because I don’t think Angle is goin’ anywherrrrrre.” Andy smirked.
Nicholas just stared at them and Danny watched the exchange from his own desk. Nicholas saw him staring and looked back at him, then turned around and walked to his desk.
“Thanks, guys.” Danny got up and walked through the Andes into the office. They stayed for a second until Danny glared at them, and then retreated all of three feet. Danny knew they would not really listen in, but he decided to remember to keep his voice down anyway. He did not trust Doris anywhere near as much.
Nicholas was leaning against the edge of his desk. Danny walked up and sniffed as he folded his arms.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Nicholas said it mechanically, looking at the floor.
“S’okay.”
They stood, not looking at each other, for a at least a minute or more.
“Rachel knows, does she?” Danny asked quietly, and Nicholas nodded. “You tell ‘er?” Danny lowered his hands to his hips and finally looked at Nicholas. He kept his tone from being accusing or loud.
“No. Not…I did not tell her in so many words.” Nicholas grimaced and kept his gaze lowered. Danny stepped in so they could speak in whispers.
“Nicholas, what ‘appened? You aren’t acting right. And Rachel slapped me!” Danny shook his head in amazement.
“Danny…I’ve been lying to you.”
Danny jerked his head back, confused. Lying to Rachel, yes, he knew Nicholas was doing that. Lying to him?
Nicholas shook his head and Danny recognized that he was pulling himself together, somehow. Organizing his thoughts as if he were getting ready to talk about a case. When he finally started talking, his voice was just as low and quiet as Danny’s, but sounded detached and clinical.
“Our sex life has not been optimal. Adequate, maybe. I still have problems; I cannot make love to Rachel just as she is. It is unfair to her but that’s how I am.”
“So you can’t do it with her? Or you can?” Danny squinted, utterly confused by Nicholas’ less-than-clear description of the problem.
“I do. But not really with her…I can only, erm, ‘perform’ when…when I think of you.” Nicholas finally looked up, straight into Danny’s eyes. “We were having sex when I called out your name.”
Danny gasped unintentionally, and then tried not to laugh. It was funny, in a horrible way, and while he could tell that it rattled Nicholas and certainly destroyed his marriage, it was still very damn funny.
Nicholas watched him try not to laugh and almost smiled himself. “I’m so damn stupid, Danny.”
Danny could not answer that. He shook his head, warding off the giggles, then looked up and spoke in a normal voice. “You just need a few lagers and good movie. Come on.”
Danny took him to his flat and set him down on the couch with a lager while he went into the kitchen to pull enough snacks out of the cabinets to call a meal. Part of Nicholas’ mind was relieved to be in a safe place, away from Rachel’s rage and hurt; the other part of him was getting horny. He slugged the beer.
When Danny sat down Nicholas told him about Rachel’s reaction to the whole situation, which was to accuse him of having an affair with Danny and lying to her about it. Which, of course, was exactly what was going on. He admitted it, she had a massive melt down, and they spent the next day ripping each other apart piece by piece emotionally. Rachel won: she demanded a divorce and he agreed. Now the very thing he was desperately trying to avoid for the last year crashed down on him and he did not see any way out of it other than transferring back the Met in London or, possibly, throwing himself off the top of the church tower.
Danny clucked. “She’s always been strong headed.”
“Danny, I was cheating on her. With you. One does not need to be a strong-headed person to object to your spouse having an affair. I would think it is the reasonable, and common, reaction.”
“Just a bit of fun. Boys do it all the time.”
Nicholas just looked at him, thinking that there were a lot more differences between country boys and city boys then he ever realized before.
“And calling out your name when I climaxed?”
Danny giggled at the word. “Well, Nick, that was just stupid.”
“I agree with you there.”
“Is it true? That you couldn’t do it with her without thinkin’ of me?” Danny asked, leaning over, his curiosity simple and genuine.
“…Yes.”
Danny whistled. “So is that bad, then?”
Nicholas looked at him in surprise. “I would think that you might be happy about it.”
“I dunno.” Danny sat back on the couch, pondering the idea.
Nicholas played with the edge of the beer can, embarrassed to ask the next question, but desperate to know. “Do you…do you ever think of me?”
“When I get off?”
Nicholas coughed. “Yes.”
“Sure, all the time. Thought you’d know that.”
“Should I?”
“Nicholas. Don’t be daft. I love you.” Danny stopped after he said it, as if it were self evident.
“I love you to, Danny.” Nicholas said it quietly and calmly, looking at his beer.
“Glad we understand that now. So why is Rachel so upset?”
Nicholas looked up at him in shock. “Danny!”
“What!”
“We’re sitting in your house declaring our love for each other after having carried on an affair for nearly six months! What on earth could Rachel NOT be upset about?”
“I don’t know! Because you lied to her?”
“Among other things! Danny, how absurd can you be? I’m cheating on my wife! Of course she wants a divorce!” Nicholas grimaced and leaned back, closing his eyes. Danny was silent for a while, letting Nicholas collect his thoughts. “She said that if I was ‘like that’ then I should not have married her.”
“Well you ain’t ‘like that’, are you?” Danny sat with his hands on his knees, looking confused.
“Danny, we are two men who share intense sexual experiences and just admitted that we love each other. I cannot imagine a better definition of ‘like that’ than that.”
“Oh sure, that. But it’s not as if we’re getting married, you know.” Danny looked over at him and read something in Nicholas’ expression that stopped him. He put down his beer. “Nicholas, when you said you love me, did you mean…just love, as in we’re blokes who love each other? Or do you mean for real?”
He stared at Danny in confusion. “I don’t think I understand the difference.”
“Well, you know, blokes can be partners and love each other and, you know, get on each other every now and again without being ‘in love.’ Right?” Danny shrugged.
Nicholas put down his beer and moved off the couch to sit on his knees between Danny’s legs, resting his hands on the outer thighs. “I fucking love you, Danny. I want you, I want to be with you, and I’ve completely ruined my life for you. What more in the name of god do you want from me?” As he spoke he felt as if a large weight was being lifted from his heart, as if these were the perfect words to say and the words he should have said a long time ago. Danny just stared at him, dumbfounded.
Nicholas growled in frustration and stood up. He undid his belt and his pants and let them drop and pulled down his underwear, revealing a quickly-growing erection. He climbed up over Danny, propping his feet on the couch and pushing his knees into Danny’s shoulders, and as Danny instinctively leaned back Nicholas reached down with one hand to grab the back of the couch and with the other started getting himself off, right in front of Danny’s face. He felt Danny’s hands wrap around his thighs but Danny did not move otherwise. He just watched as Nicholas twitched and moaned under his own touch and as Nicholas felt his orgasm taking over his nerves and muscles he looked down at Danny.
“Danny?...”
Danny just nodded.
“I’m coming…for you….” He spoke fast, breathing even faster, as he pumped his cock and his hips fucked the air in front of Danny’s eyes. Danny watched and did not blink when Nicholas finally pushed himself and came, calling out Danny’s name and exploding his cum all over him. Nicholas gasped and fell to his knees on Danny’s lap, then ran a finger over Danny’s wet cheek and into his willing mouth. “That’s me, Danny. That’s us.”
Rachel eventually agreed to rewrite the divorce papers to make the cause more ambiguous. She did not ask for money or anything much more than what she took going into the marriage, and left for the job in London before the divorce was even finalized.
Everyone in Sandford knew the truth of it, though, which caused a few permanent rifts with family members close to Rachel. Nicholas kept trying to mend those despite Danny’s advice to the contrary, but he eventually realized that the animosity was not going away for another generation at least, so gave up.
One year later, after much discussion and late night planning, they moved in together. They called each other ‘roommates’ but again, everyone in Sandford knew the truth of it, and those who disapproved simply sniffed and spread rumors about how ‘queer’ those two were.
Late one night, long after they had finished the move and unpacked boxes and set up their own house, they were making love in a familiar and comfortable fashion. It was a simple grinding session, with Nicholas on top, and experience taught them that it was a good way for them to both come roughly at the same time, something Nicholas enjoyed a lot. Nicholas was tolerant of Danny’s ‘special needs’ and so Danny paid back in kind, participating in something like this that was very, very far from what Danny always, passionately desired.
Danny came first, squeezing Nicholas’ arms and crying out softly, more like a groan, as his cum seeped out between them and served as lubricant to Nicholas’ earnest and incomplete efforts. He followed quickly though, calling out Danny’s name as his hips bucked into Danny, smearing his own cum into the mix of Danny and sweat. After a couple of seconds of composure, Nicholas sat back on his heels and looked down at their glossy, wet spent cocks in confusion.
“You alright, Nicholas?” Danny asked, folding his hands behind his head and raising his eyebrows. He was used to Nicholas’ perplexed reaction to his own orgasms, and he thought it was rather adorable, in truth.
“Yes…I…but Danny...”
“Yeah, Nick?”
“We aren’t done.”
Danny barely had time to react before Nicholas was laying on top of him again, but turned around, his head in Danny’s lap, lips and tongue roaming over skin covered in their mingled sweat and cum. Danny groaned, turned on so hard and so fast that he was dizzy, and he pulled in air as he adjusted Nicholas over his face, licking and sucking at his cock, his balls, and his inner thighs, learning for the first time just how perfect they tasted together.
Danny realized then that yes, he had to start calling himself a bender now, because he was madly ‘in love’ with Nicholas Angel, the man who was in love with him.